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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> AH's sister
Post Info TOPIC: AH's sister
deramam


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AH's sister
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My AH's sister urgently requested we send her thousands of dollars in a check for our son's estate. He has a trust that is being set up from my AH's mother passing. We didn't know at the time that the trust would be set up by the lawyers after the estate settled. We sent her the check. We found out a couple months ago that we shouldn't have sent her the check. We brought it up to her and she said if she had to give the money back she would. She told us it was in a bank account where she lives under her and my son's name. She didn't even put it in the bank its supposed to be in. She has ignored and avoided the matter ever since. She has ignored the lawyers request to get the estate settled and according to her she's been too busy, yet has the time to go on vacation. My H wouldn't bring up the money again so I asked him if I could (we really need a new vehicle and that money could help out a lot). She flipped out when I told her the truth and she had her delusional world popped. She said its none of my business but it is because he's my husband and it's my son she used to lie to get the money for. My mom thinks she doesn't have the money to give back to us. My mom says the only reason people avoid and ignore a money issue is because they don't have it to give back to you. I talked to my H and the lawyer and we decided the best option now since she is avoiding it is to send her a letter requesting the money back within 30 days of her receiving the letter or legal action will be taken and legal fees will be added to the amount owed. My H tried so hard to avoid this but that's a lot of money you can't just let someone take deceitfully when she wouldn't allow him to get away with something like this. It will probably start a war but it's not our fault. Hopefully she doesn't make us take her to court. I fear all of this stress and conflict may hurt my H's recovery as well as his relationship with the rest of his family. She plays the victim so well and since she lives all the way across the country she can use my H as the bad one and pretend her life is good. In reality shes a 40 yr old bartender who does drugs and drinks all the time and has everyone believing she's responsible. After this we have proof of how she really is and she doesn't like it and is trying hard to make us not happy. Just needed to get this off my chest.

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grateful2be


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Hope this works out for you the way you'd like.  If it doesn't, you still have Al-Anon to accept what you can't change and the courage to do what you can in this regard.  I hope any legal action you have to take doesn't wind up costing you more. 



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deramam


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If we have to take her to court we stated in the letter that legal fees would be added to the amount owed to urge her to pay now and cover is from her bad decisions. The lawyer ok'd the letter before it was sent out to make sure it was good to go if it does turn that way and that since we added she would be responsible for legal fees. It's over 10k$ so there is no way we should just forget about it. She's crazy. I hope she shows people the letter then they'll know how bad she is.

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Debilyn


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I remember this dilemma. It sounds like you are going to spend even more money to file and go to court. Even if you are awarded the monies it will be up to you to pay someone to set up for her to be garnished. And that is IF she keeps her job! Plus they can only take a certain per cent of her money each paycheck!

Why doesn't the attorney just write up a contract for her to sign stating she would give up her inheritance and relieve it to her brother? Or have the inheritance check to her in both her and brothers name? So brother has to sign with her and she can just relinquish the money to him right there when it is cashed?

My way would be to invite her and attorney to lunch and have her sign the contract to have her inheritance or however much she owes you relinquished to brother Have her sign it at lunch. OR take attorney to where she works and get her to sign it.

Something seems off here. Is this a reputable, knowledgeable attorney?

Going to court is such a waste of money and time. Our justice system sucks believe me. They cancel court dates, make mistakes, ugh.

Another way would be to have attorney have the checks written out, you all come to get your check, then you take sis to bank to cash it and give it to you. i want to say handcuff her to you but...hehe

Also you are not an A So to you adding more fee money is a huge incentive. To her I can see her thinking how she does not care about the original amount, so adding more means nothing to her. In my experience A's don't care much about what they owe, it's not their fault to them. Then you will have more money out for attorney and court fees...ugh

Thinking she is going to comply to the courts is almost insane. If she is garnished she will just change her job, then you have to pay to set it up again!

I don't know if any of this can be done but its worth asking.....Hope you get it, money and A's never seems to come out the way you want.

hugs and hope.



-- Edited by Debilyn on Saturday 27th of September 2014 11:57:25 PM

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deramam


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That's what we would ultimately do. And she would need to pay for the lawyers time to do all that if she doesn't send the check. The problem now is she doesn't think she did anything wrong. The money owed would come out of her share of the estate if it comes down to it because it hasn't been settled yet. She has yet to get the certified letter picked up from the post office. It's been there for 3 days. She is making us seem like the bad guys because we're asking for the 15k that she falsely made us believe was for our sons trust. She ignored every conversation about it like it is none of our business. 15k is a lot of money to just forget when she shouldn't have it in the first place. We are willing to pay up front costs if needed and then those costs would be added to the 15k she already owes. She's just making us out to be the bad guys to the rest of the family because she bilked us out of 15k and we caught it. She also owes us 7k for the car she has and for some reason she feels it's not fair for her to pay that much since she's had it for free for the past year and the value has obviously gone down. She's a piece of work.

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