HOW DO YOU STOP YOUR BRAIN THINKING ABOUT THEM? - Al-Anon Family Group

jm · Member

HOW DO YOU STOP YOUR BRAIN THINKING ABOUT THEM?

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I know for me, I have to stop any and all communication. It's like an open wound. It won't heal if you keep messing with it.

I also will say stop in my head and put in wild irises. Now, I have done this so long, that when I get that feeling of ickiness the irises just appear in my head. '

Also it is about letting go and trusting HP to take care of them. hugs

-- Edited by Debilyn on Thursday 25th of September 2014 04:01:24 AM

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

I've struggled with this a lot and I've come to think that it is a form of obsession in my head really, although I'm not sure if that is technically correct. The things that have helped me to stop obsessively thinking about AH are:

Yoga - when I am doing yoga I'm simply thinking about my body and how to stay upright or focusing on my breathing, there is no room for anything else.

Meditation - again, just focusing on my breath. Of course thoughts pop up and then I say hello to that thought and ask it what it needs and usually the thought just fades away. And then I go back to feeling my breath coming and going.

Painting - this is something that absorbs me totally and I find it incredibly relaxing.

Imagination - I imagined people that I loved in places that I love with smells that I find relaxing and then I associated those memories with a colour and a shape. When I'm stressing myself out I can just say 'blue triangle' and I can feel my stomach relax and a smile come to my face. Then I say thank you to those people for being there for me. I guess it is a form of self hypnosis but it works for me.

I am a fan of an american comedian called Bob Newhart and he has a sketch on You Tube called 'Stop It.' I remember when my mother was going through a hard time many years ago and she used to shout 'stop it.' For a little girl going about her business that was a tad distressing and I always swore that I would never do that to myself. But when I saw the 'Stop it' sketch it made me laugh and kind of put things into context so now I tell myself 'stop it', but in Bob Newart's voice, and it just makes me smile. Then I get on with what I'm doing and focus on today.

I do get a bit resentful from time to time for even having to do these things, but that don't help any either. HALT is useful to - am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired? Usually it is one of those four feelings that is fuelling my thoughts and I can then address that underlying problem.

Hope this helps.

jm · Member

Thank you both for your response...I will try the picturing flowers or the ones that I love smile

jm · Member

Just watched that clip Milkwood,,,thank you so so funny...but oh so true confuse smile smile

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Glad you enjoyed it JM - it is a humbling reminder isn't it!!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Great responses.....are you attending meetings? That is a great place to Locate a sponsor.

jm · Member

I go to f2f meetings for years but not alanon..there are only a couple in my area but they are on in the evenings and I work then smile

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Thoughts are random. They come and go. Although I am powerless over which thoughts come and go, I can consciously choose to focus on them or what is in front of me to do. When I am aware of thoughts about my A, I can say a little prayer for him and for others, and then choose to focus my attention on something else. Helps a lot to do this for me.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi JM I can certainly identify with this dilemma and understand how difficult it can be. The ODAT for today, the 25th, talks about personal freedom. It points out that working a program sets us free from destructive entanglement with the world and the individuals in. I know years ago I did not even understand the concept of taking care of myself as I was always jumping out of my self and into others' lives in order to help them.
One day at a meeting a member suggested a slogan that worked for him and that really touched me deeply . He too had discovered that he jumped into others lives and abandoned himself so that he was constantly monitoring his inner voices and reminding himself to;" Stay inside'. This made sense to me and so it became a very powerful slogan that I used constantly even to this day.

The reading for today in the ODA T states that setting ourselves free is an inside job I and one that takes concentration and focus. I know that using the slogansand constantly monitoring myself talk and staying within my own self has become routine for me. .

The quote states: "When I know I am free within myself, I will be better able to give loving thought to others."

This program is certainly very powerful

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

This is a helpful topic for me.

I used to suffer with driving the same rut repeatedly obsessing about what had gone wrong. Mostly it was over someone's actions and how it had wronged me. I elongated whatever distress I had initially experienced with the behavior by repeating it.

I came to realize I was getting a wicked false comfort from familiar thoughts. I had to be willing to give that up, and then ask my HP for help to liberate me. Sometimes I wasn't entirely willing, and that made me disappointed in myself. I needed to treat myself more lovingly. Then my HP came through.

(I saw the Bob Newhart clip too. It's funny - thanks MW)

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I guess for me the harder I try not to think about something the more I think about it .. so I give myself a timeline of how much I will tolerate thinking about it .. LOL .. if that makes any sense. Anyway, .. it's about 10 - 15 min and I will ask myself is it doing any good if not (that's usually the answer .. lol) I go on with my day I feel better acknowledging it's a feeling not a fact and that really helps me refocus. I try to get busy .. that also helps because by the time I realize what time it is I have gone a long time without having a thought. Denial of feelings has been such a long rooted issue for me that my mind and heart completely rebel when I start doing the whole that's not what I'm thinking or feeling.

Hugs S :)

karma13 · Senior Member

I get to a meeting, call a program friend, do something fun and get the focus back on myself and what I'm doing :) and detach with love from the person causing chaos in my life

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.