What To Do With Drunk Drivers - Al-Anon Family Group

vm54 · Member

What To Do With Drunk Drivers

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I am going to be as kind as possible without being offensive. I understand your situation and your questions, this situation is excruciating. We know this disease intimately and know how destructive it is. You need support to work YOUR recovery and leave your daughter to the care of her HP. I am wondering if any of our suggestions to attend face to face al anon meetings to help answer some of your questions is being heard and considered? Our support without the right action on your part will not be so helpful, as then we may be enabling you to stay in ill health. I do wish you all the best in this situation and I know it will not get better unless you begin your recovery through al anon.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

There are many schools of thought about this and all of them would say that there are no perfect answers.

On the one hand, it's impossible for us to control their drinking, no matter how hard we try.

There's even the fact that a DUI might be a useful step towards them rethinking their drinking a step we wouldn't want to prevent them from having.

On the other hand, innocent people's lives could be at risk if they're drunk-driving.

Some people call in their alcoholic's cars when they see them setting out drunk in the car. (If we can see they're drunk, the chances are excellent that they're over the legal limit.)

Sometimes police don't have the resources to search them out and pick them up anyway.

Whichever way we go, it's an imperfect system. And their judgment is so distorted that they can be counted on to make bad choices.

Whatever you choose, know that many others have struggled with these difficult questions. Finding a meeting and working on your own recovery from the chaos that alcohol brings is the surest way forward. Hugs.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Alanon says dont create a crisis or stop one from naturally occuring but personally I would worry that someone could get killed and I would call the police because I think its the right thing to do for me. I mean whats the alternative? Wait until there is a real accident, sit at home worrying? She chokses to drive drunk then the consequences are hers to deal with.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

VM,

My wife has had two official DUIs, and caused a number of other minor fender benders that were never reported. I thank God every time I think about it that she didn't injure anybody in them, she very easily could have. The first DUI caused a small amount of property damage. The second DUI I was out of town and she was attempting to pick up our son and a friend of his from school when she was pulled over. She NEVER would have done this had she been sober, but wasn't in her right mind when she picked up the bottle.

Please get to some meetings. You will be amazed at how much clarity you will get by just discussing this with another understanding person.

kenny

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Somebody driving away from my home drunk would likely result in a call from me to the police. I would tell them that before they left my home. I would not, however, plan what I would do in advance because I truly don't know what I'll do in advance. I try to live one day at a time and ask God for knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry it out at the time something difficult happens.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 23rd of September 2014 03:03:37 PM

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I have called the police in the past and would call the police at any time now or in the future.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

If you have told her she is not welcome in your home she would not be driving over. By allowing her to do this it is enabling her behavior.

Plus if you packed up all her stuff and took it to her or somewhere it also would not be your problem.

In my experience police will not respond. To them nothing has happened yet....plus they consider your calling a family thing.

Al anon has taught me to mind my own business. They need to answer for their own behavior.

I did once stop a guy from driving. it was Halloween and there were kids everywhere. I drove him to his aunts, gave her the keys and said don't tell him I gave them to you. He was not upset, just did not understand why I did not want to keep him at my home. he had tried to stay saying he locked his keys in his truck. he had another set of keys. turkey. I said B some of us grew up.

Next time i saw him he was on program, in AA doing so well. He told me he knew he needed help for me to say that to him. He was ready. I didn't even know it. Bottom? No he was just ready. Had money, good career, nice truck, home, dog, nice guy drunk or sober.

anyway...My AH was horribly drunk. He could only get to the next city two ways to run home to mommy. I called the police and sheriff. they did nothing. A had huge truck, rear ended someone, drove up right over their little car. they both took off...

We can only control ourselves. Your being involved where you don't need to be i making you sick. I hope you will go to meetings and read literature.

I am soo very glad you keep coming back!

its horribly hard I do know. we are here for you!

vm54 · Member

Thank you for all your responses. It was not me that was going to call the police, but other people in my family. I will have been at 3 Al Anon programs today and one was F2F. The people in family are not trying to cause consequences for my daughter, they just don't want innocent people to be hurt if it could be prevented and we have prior knowledge. We live in a small town and see her at the grocery store and can tell she is drunk. That is when my family members want to report it.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

If I saw a drunk driver who wasn't a family member, I'd call. If I saw a drunk driver who was a family member, I'd call, too. I would do that because to me if I am seeing it and I can alert the proper authorities for someone who I can see is a danger to themselves or others it is my responsibility to do so because in that moment, there is no other responsible choice to make.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with your family members as I also have called the police, out of concern for innocent people ,who might be hurt.

I am so pleased that you have attended alanon meetings and that you keep coming back.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so glad you are attending meetings. You deserve the support and validation you will find in the meetings....keep showing up for yourself. you are not alone.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

The other thing is that the right answer for you might not be the right answer for someone else. If your family members think it's appropriate to handle it a certain way, that's their decision to make. The only person you need to make decisions for is you.

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

This is a tough call for one important reason. By getting involved, you may be responsible for saving her life and/or the life or lives of innocent people who might be the unfortunate victims of her drunk driving. Under most circumstances I believe it is best to stay uninvolved, but the matter of driving drunk is a different matter. Let's not go overboard with the idea of staying out of her business. Drunk driving is everyone's business, and you are wise to attempt to be protective, not only of your daughter, but of everyone else on the road. It is not so important who calls authorities, but very important that it is done. If the police do not respond, you will have the comforting knowledge that you have done your part. Anyone who says, "stay out of it," is wrong!

Diva

-- Edited by Diva on Wednesday 24th of September 2014 06:32:23 AM

-- Edited by Diva on Wednesday 24th of September 2014 06:34:06 AM

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.