Out of the house - Al-Anon Family Group

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Out of the house

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm fairly certain that none of your boundaries are setting well with him based on how he's treated you up to this point? Keep setting 'em. Good for you.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Hang in there and stand firm. We are for support.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

You are very strong. I know this is super stressful!I sure hope you are doing things for you that make you feel better.

Sending prayers!

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes I am am deb. I started divorce care group, also starting going out on
girl dates on Friday night. I even have this Friday night in the planning
stage. It gives me something to look forward to even though I am not at
The lets go have fun stage. But it is good for me. I work a lot of hours doing
Home health so lots of care giving.

I still attend Alanon on Friday mornings. We have gone swimming and / or
Take a walk afterward. Sometimes I get my sponsor to myself. I wish it
Was more often but I have a lot of support and other people to talk to.

I keep finding myself reaching out more and more. No more silence and
Isolation from me to friends and co workers. I thank Alanon's wisdom and
Learning. I wish I had started Alanon 30 years ago I could have saved
Myself all this current pain and hurt.

Thank you grateful and pp for your support. My hp is holding my hand too.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Good for you! I used to always have something planned for week ends.

It's good too you are going even though you don't feel completely happy too. I know that feeling.

You are taking care of you now, that is what matters.

Let him play dirty. That is all on him, not you. He is going to do what he is.

Well at least you are scripturally free if you do want to remarry. I know I know but maybe someday! hugs!

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

You are doing so amazing. Stand your ground! Prayers and positive thoughts are being sent your way.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

How long in your state til it is considered abandonment of the home by him leaving? Considering that, plus adultery...not sure he should be so demanding but whatever...figures he would try.

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Not much is stopping him. He does not believe he has any consequences.
He has his mother and his family on his side.

It is a 50-50 state as far as assets go. He can either buy me out or we
Have to sell. One or the other, neither one of us can afford to live there
Income wise without the other. He is self employed so on tax returns it
Doesn't look good for him. I pay 50% of all bills. I work a lot of hours
And have the health insurance for both.

So now he wants me to move out because I can't afford to live there and
He needs the house and land for his business. That's what he is stating
In his lawyers letter to my lawyer.

All the while living at his gf and some at his mothers.He still comes and

goes on the property,he just does not like the appraisal figures. I don't

think he can get the money to buy me out.

-- Edited by Mirandac on Monday 22nd of September 2014 07:35:02 PM

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

He can want what he wants all he wants. And - it is none of his mother's business or his gf's business what you do or what he does in relationship to you no matter how much they might want a say in all this. He and his gf and his Mom can all live happily together if they choose. You don't have to move out and I'm glad you're saying "No" to the plan if it is in your best interest to say "No."

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

It feels good to get my power back!

Ah and his mother have been teaming up On me for quite some time. She says she
Just listens. He says he just talks. Some Where in this equation I have been left out
Of the my own marriage.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Well, it appears now that perhaps you are inserting yourself back into life by saying "no" to moving out and "no" to dating if he expects to stay with you in the house and "no" to working things out without an attorney and only with him and "no" to isolating and "no" to buying into a whole lot of manipulation and "no" to sitting in a corner somewhere by yourself every night in the dark and "no" to blaming yourself for his poor behavior and "no" to keeping everything all to yourself and not seeking the encouragement and support of others. That is definitely getting your power back!

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

You made me laugh grateful! Thank you!

I think so much of this is me getting away from the constant emotional Abuse. It wears you down
and messes with your head especially if you come from that type of background Which I do.
Highly Dysfunctional mother and I was abandoned by my Alcoholic father.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm here to help you laugh, sister. Laughter - to me - helps to prime the pump of faith and joy. I do believe you are beginning to see the things you are gaining rather than the things you are losing! That is going to take you a long, long way out of the misery you've experienced into the new life that is meant to be yours. A woman once described herself and her life as being a butterfly trapped in a glass jar. She could see out and she couldn't get out. Your willingness to see that the lid to the jar you have been in has been removed and your willingness to do the necessary grief work and Al-Anon recovery work is your way out one day at a time. Keep on, keepin' on, Mirandac. You are doing soooooooo well in recognizing that you are being freed from a life that will become only a memory with no emotional charge to it.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 23rd of September 2014 06:08:17 AM

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Mirandac .. stay strong it's not an easy road to travel and it can take time depending on the A in the situation .. keep taking care of YOU!! This is where my dark fantasies come out and it's always better than reality (I don't act on my dark fantasies .. they are fun in my mind, the God of my understanding has a wicked sense of humor and I just stand back and let Him do the talking).

Glad to hear you are attending divorce care it really does help.

Hugs S :)

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you all for your thoughts and wisdom.

Today I feel pretty good I am mad at AH, but not backing down.
I worked , visited a good friend, visited with my male neighbor,
we were Laughing and having a good time when AH came in.

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

Good job of taking care of you and keeping the focus on YOU!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Oooooh, oooooooh. You were laughing with a male neighbor when AH came in? Teehee. It will be interesting to see if there is any change on his part? Keep on visiting and laughing, Mirandac. This is very good news!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.