I will do different things today to avoid doing what I think I want to do - Al-Anon Family Group

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

I will do different things today to avoid doing what I think I want to do

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I am glad you have made a plan for your day. You might not follow it exactly, but you have made a plan for today. Good work. Going back to my familiar was a struggle in the early years of separation and divorce. Fortunately, I didn't go back and HP always opened another door for me to walk through into new life and left me free to go back the old if I chose with a little interference like a neighbor screaming at his wife or a threatening phone call from my x just as I was thinking "Oh, it wasn't that bad." It was that bad. I'm glad my HP interfered and opened new doors for me to walk through if I chose. It was always up to me and I loved the freedom of that.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 21st of September 2014 11:14:19 AM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Take everything you think you need from him and get it from your hp or yourself. He is not well and is doing nothing to get well. I remember hearing "you left me at the lowest point..." That statement alone shows how self absorbed the A is. I would answer..."My view is it was the lowest point of MY life and there were things I couldn't accept any more. " My guess is he cannot even fathom that YOU were also at your lowest point. Guilty comments do not work if you don't let them stick to you at all. You will have intimacy and romance again. Just in the future...You put up with his crap so long because of codependency. Keep addressing that and you will never have to deal with this again in a relationship.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Such great awareness -- what I wish I'd had! And you avoided getting sucked back into it. So inspiring. That's a really interesting thing about "You left me at my lowest point." It's like he was saying "I was digging to China with all the energy I could and you left me when I was down there in the hole!" Like, how did he get to that lowest point? Energetic digging. "You left me when I was behaving my worst! How could you do that?" Doesn't alcoholic logic just beat all?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

And that familiar "And its all your fault" rings in my ears as I read the posts. It's said 1,000 different ways and can come to us through 1,000 different voices. Good that you are listening to the voice of your HP. That voice always tells us the truth. I love Mattie's analogy and oh boy, isn't that just so very, very true?

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Good point PC. I was at my lowest point when I decided to leave. I couldn't take it anymore when I would call home to check on the kids and he would be drunk.

Yesterday he helped my daughter with a school project. I stayed at the house a while so I could clean. I want it to be cleaner when she is there. I also filled up a garbage bag full of stuff and put a few things out front to give away. We had lunch together. Kept the conversation simple, and it went ok. I can't completely avoid him because I need to get stuff out of that house in case it goes into foreclosure. It's also good for me to remind myself I am really stressed when I am in that house. Sounds sick, maybe, but it helps me to remember things that bother me. I remained calm the whole time and just cleaned.

I reminded myself of crazy crap that bugs me and filed it away in my brain.

Daughter and I went to church. It was nice. Tonight I am going to the divorce support group.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Glad you and your daughter enjoyed church together and that your afternoon was peaceful and productive.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

This is when I hear we cannot go to the hardware store to get bread....hate it but it is true.

You do not want him, you want who he used to be. For me I learned to tell me, my AH is dead. This guy is a monster. He is. He has NOTHING go give.

He is saying the usual A dumb stuff. OH right THAT will get you to come over and visit.

Him saying oh I won't bring up anything bad. OH that has to be true. sigh.

You are walking away from the insanity, good for you!!

I invite you to go get a massage. Will warn ya, you probably will cry. But that is very ok! hugs!

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

NLG:

Your post resonated w me starting w the Subject title. Like many of us I am also working on doing things in a new way. It is difficult to make these changes at times but I agree w pinkchip that what we need is all around us from our HP to the community here, the literature and of course meetings. Strength in other places and validation of our worth.

Great awareness and thank you for sharing that today :)

Mary

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.