Went to first meeting online, and applied what I learned immediately! - Al-Anon Family Group

Helpangel · Senior Member

Went to first meeting online, and applied what I learned immediately!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

He probably does feel sick. He's been drinking poison which affects all his organs. One of the best times I've learned to talk with another about their disease is when they feel awful and aren't drinking. My HP always gives me the words to speak at the time. Some have gone for treatment. Some have not. Perhaps the next time he says he feels sick, you can turn your way of thinking, feeling and speaking into your HP's capable hands and ask HP to guide you in speaking the words HP wants to speak through you? Your AH is sick and HP is the solution.

Helpangel · Senior Member

He says he prays all the time he is very religious! So much so he thought he was going to be a minister and his mentor took everything he had (money). He listens to Kenneth cope land, Joyce Meyers etc...still he keeps slipping. Something keeps him from getting over the hill. I usually do talk to him but I am tired of listening to it right now. Do we sacrifice ourselves to listen to them rant of what they want to change?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

No, if four answers aren't yes to a suggested ODAT format in Hope for Today in determining God's will for us: Do we have the opportunity, the desire, the ability and the time to carry out an action in our lives? That helps me determine my next right action step in relationship to another when I'm not certain of what to do, where to go, what to say, how to respond. Step 3 and Step 11 are big helps to me, too.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 21st of September 2014 10:04:07 AM

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Hugs)))))) Helpangel, I'm loving your responses, well done.

Re setting boundaries while they are talking about being sick - one of my boundaries with AH is actually that he does not talk to me about how unwell he is feeling unless he is ready to get in the car and go and see a doctor. He has been telling me about potentially life threatening diseases for two years now. I have in the past asked if he wants a lift to the doctor and he has never, ever, taken me up on that offer. These day when I suggest he sees a doctor he quietens down and gets on with something more constructive. Being around very negative people gets depressing for me after a while, and I have reached a point where I can not afford to get depressed - and I don't want to be depressed anyway!

Helpangel · Senior Member

Hmmm not sure if he would react well if I told him that. Even though that is exactly how I feel! :) thanks everyone for the advice really appreciate.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I saw a movie once, I learned when someone complains or gripes etc, to say."hmm sounds like a problem." Then just get up and leave. Believe me in time he will realize you choose not to listen to negative talk. and he will stop.

It's upsetting to you, so good for you for standing up for yourself and saying no more.

I told my AH that his disease is his own. I do not want to hear anything about it. This included how he felt physically. I will not live with or be around a complainer.

hugs!! and good progress!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.