The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I havent always been independant. I left my mums care, home, rules, influence and moved In with my exh at a young age, where I depended on him for my happiness, love, care, attention. Ive always worked and contributed financially mainly because his jobs came and went due to his chronic negative, warped thinking and his drinking.
I have depended on others, everyone in my life really, to fill me in different ways. My deep hole of missing parts like self love, esteem, confidence, self worth meant that I have always been needy with other people. Ive never felt independant, I needed other people to make me a whole person but they never have. This impossible mission ive been on.
Well, not anymore. I am independant and have been for the last 2 years. I depend on noone for my survival or emotional and physical wellbeing. I support myself fully. I pay my own bills, I look after my health, I look after my own mental health. I depend on noone for my happiness or security. I accept responsibility for me. Im not saying im great at it, I can be rubbish at it but on the whole i can look after myself.
My independence provides me with everytbing ive been searching for, I have much more confidence, I think im of some value, I have self respect and its thanks to this program. I never knew that It was my own job to make me happy, what a revelation.
Independence is a gift that not everyone is ready for. Thanks for reading.x
Dear LC Thank you for such a honest, courageous message The independence of which you speak is a true gift of alanon. I would like to add that I am also more compassionate and emphatic with others without making them dependent on me.
I am off to the wedding of a sponsee this morning, She and her girlfriend began dating over 6 years ago when I agreed to be her sponsor. What a gift this program truly is!!!
I loved the share el-cee. Great awareness, self check and assets list. I think there is nothing more wonderful than when we can see the positive changes in ourselves. It's almost like we are being reborn.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Your honesty is always a welcomed read; you lay it out, your strengths and your not so strengths. I sometimes wonder how I would be living with only my pets in the home. I have fears of falling into a depression like I did when I was living alone in my college days.
Thanks el-cee, you're describing me too in many ways.
I always thought of myself as super-independent because I was always financially self-sufficient and never asked for help from anyone but emotionally...wow. I had no idea how utterly dependent I was. Until recently I COULD NOT watch a funny movie alone because I felt that laughing by myself was a "waste", how crazy is that? Or cook a nice meal, or...anything nice really...if I didn't have company it was pointless. Being alone was the worst thing I could think of.
Liking my own company...that's an amazing gift to me, I couldn't have even imagined it before. As if I inherited a new best friend...me
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Love the share, el cee! To accept yourself as a worthy companion who can live her life according to the 7th Tradition both individually and as an important member in the fellowship makes me smile a lot. Your life influences my life and in very sweet ways.
I learn so much from your posts elcee - this is a chapter that I'm trying to get to grips with and your words help me so much. Thank you for sharing with us.
When I think about being independent I have been there all my life really. I left home at the age of 16, worked and make a career for myself. What I don't do is being independent by myself. I've always had to have somebody around.
I want to break that defect someday and be happy with me and only me for a while.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Love this post el-cee. I to left home at a young age,16,and for most of my life have worked so I thought I was so independent. Money wise I was but emotionally...no way. All my life I have felt like a child in an adults world and needed people to fill my emotional needs. I started to realise 6 years ago that I wanted to do what was right for my emotional independence and finished a 12 year relationship. Worked well by myself for 2 years and really worked on my recovery and then for reasons that I have to start finding out got into an unhealthy relationship again for the last 4 years and gave away my independence again...so now for the last 5 days I am on my own again and starting the emotional independence journey again. Your post and many others on here have helped me greatly these past few days. I get great hope from here..so thank you all.
Thank you for such a honest, courageous message The independence of which you speak is a true gift of alanon. I would like to add that I am also more compassionate and emphatic with others without making them dependent on me. 
...so now for the last 5 days I am on my own again and starting the emotional independence journey again. Your post and many others on here have helped me greatly these past few days. I get great hope from here..so thank you all.