Suicide - Al-Anon Family Group

Jessmine · Member

Suicide

jm · Member

Hi I'm so sorry for your pain. I cannot give advice on such a sensitive subject but I can share my experience on both sides. I once was with a man that threatened to do this and he tried when I left him....it didn't work..thank HP...and up until 16 years ago I tried to do it to myself 3 times over broken relationships...glad to say that is not a default option in my life anymore...but I cannot hold anyone responsible for how I felt except for me. Life can be very very tough at times and wanting out seems like the easier solution but you are not responsible for what he decides to do. I'm sorry I could not be of more help but my thoughts and prayers are with you.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so very sorry to read of this difficult situation. Remembering that we are "powerless over others" helped me to act in my own best interest regardless of what my hubby threatened. Increased alanon meetings and work with a sponsor gave me the courage and power to keep the focus on myself. Prayers for you and your family. Please keep coming back

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

The first time my son said he wanted to die he called 911 himself. The second time he said it I called 911. I didn't have any experience on how to handle this so I did the only thing I could. I let the experts handle it.

Prayers that you will do what is best for you and your family

singingnick377 · Member

Hello,

What a tough situation for you. I am sorry this is happening. I realise I have no control over others in any way. They are able to think and do what they want and as hard as that feels sometimes I am powerless over it. It's never nice when somebody feels they want to end their life (my brother did this), but there is nothing you can do to stop him if that's his intention. I just know that each person has their higher power helping them all the time and that letting go and letting god can also help.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

My first concern in reading this is for you. Although I know it is not unusual for an A to say they'll commit suicide if we leave them, it is not unusual for them to do the opposite and to threaten us and our lives instead. That change can happen in a heartbeat. I hope you have a lot of outside support and I don't think it would hurt if you call the Domestic Assault hotline or a local organization in your town to seek counsel as to the best ways to protect yourself from any crazy acting out that he may or may not employ. I agree with the others support of you here and I also want to add this as a possible suggestion to follow through on in your best interest if this feels right to you. The more information and support a woman has in cases like this, the better. Keep coming back here, too.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

((Jessmine)) Welcome to MIP- you're in the right place and I'm glad you found us. You're not alone. Alcoholism/ addiction is a very powerful, cunning, and baffling disease that, unless arrested by abstinence and a supportive program, leads to insanity or death. You didn't cause his alcoholism, cannot control it, and cannot cure it. It is a very sad disease that affects everything within reach. You've received great advice from the others and I will echo safety first and a safety plan with outside help for you and your children. Sending prayers.

Flower49 · Senior Member

((Jessmine)) I am glad you are here with all of us. First, I can tell you my AH has said this to me numerous times. I never take it lightly and if I feel he is in danger, I call the local authorities, his Probation officer or someone I know in AA for help. Generally I find that his AA fellows can talk to him on the phone when he is crazy. He has not threatened this type of thing since he has been sober and living in his 1/2 way house. I know that when he has done this he is full of extreme fear, panic, anger and depression. I also know at times it is a manipulation tactic so that I might just do whatever he wants or take care of whatever crisis he has at the minute and it has taken me a very long time to understand that while he may threaten this, I can't always fall for it and the next right thing to do if he is endangering self or others is contact the right people to come help me.

I understand your fear, anxiety and pain of this entire situation. Keep coming back, going to F2F and calling people in Al-anon, we are all here with our E/S/H.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I have been here. He od'ed on heroin twice. is still alive, sorta

We cannot control anything other than ourselves. Most all use this as manipulation. We have no idea what they might do.

It's not fair for you and kiddos to be held hostage this way. I have learned we all have to go thru our own consequences for our behavior. It is NOT your responsibility to take care of him.

The situation sounds very bad for the kids now. Myself I just accepted one day at a time, chose my own path.

The choice is always up to him! hugs! and welcome, debilyn

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I understand you are not his counselor or sponsor and depression has often be termed "anger turned inward"...Has he spoken of it in this way? Has mental and emotional health had a shot at him? Depression is temporary when "we come to understand"...sending prayers as a "successful" suicide myself. I learned that for me a "successful" suicide wasn't about ending my life. It was about ending how I lived my life. 12step/12traditions recovery helped me to learn that. Prayers for him (((((hugs))))) smile

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

At some point, I would just let go. It is not wrong. It is a billion times more wrong to keep someone hostage in a relationship through threats. I have had people make those threats over and over again to the point that I was like "Fine! Go ahead and kill yourself. I can't stop you anyhow." They never did kill themselves but even if you really believe he will do it...That would be a tragedy, but it would be just as much of a tragedy if you lived your whole life as a hostage to a sick person's threats.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 20th of September 2014 07:22:51 AM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

P.S. Someone who has been to treatment 9 times has a drug/alcohol problem so severe they are already killing themselves and making you watch daily. Just food for thought. You are already witnessing him killing himself in some ways....so do what you have to do for you. He is showing a pattern that, even if he doesn't kill himself with a gun or whatever, he may likely do it with drugs/alcohol. You have your life to live first and foremost.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 20th of September 2014 07:25:38 AM

lgnutah · Senior Member

Thank you everyone who replied for such helpful thoughts. My daughter's best (guy) friend (who had major drug and alcohol problems, had been in therapy multiple times, had talked about suicide, but always said he would never do it because it would kill his mother) committed suicide last week. The guy friend and my daughter had talked that evening (he never said anything about feeling suicidal) and he wanted to get together but she was with her boyfriend so couldn't. She said he sent her a text in the middle of the night (again nothing about suicide) which she didn't answer. Now she feels like she could have saved him. I am sharing with her all the thoughts that are in the replies here.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.