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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> a light at the end of the tunnel
Post Info TOPIC: a light at the end of the tunnel
sookie


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a light at the end of the tunnel
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So, my AH, who moved out 3 years ago, and I are finally going for a divorce. It's been pretty awful in terms of the financial impact on me (I have a great job--he works 15 hours a week for minimum wage--so I am screwed with the spousal support, etc...) plus he has decided he agrees with the law and is entitled to half of everything (despite never making a single mortgage payment, etc...and the law didn't seem to apply to him when it comes to drugs, etc...)

SOOOOOO, I have spent A LOT of time working on acceptance of the financial crisis that is looming and trying to be present and not project all the awfulness (we also have 2 kids...don't even want to go into the details there) 

So the last few days, I felt better because I began to just focus on love and how the best things in life are free, or pretty much so. A good run on a crisp day, snuggling in bed with my kids, cooking a meal for friends, the satisfaction of organizing a messy room (LOL),  and spending time with people I love. Love has to be at the core of every reaction--love for my kids, love for my true inner self, love for the spirit in him--not the sick twisted man I deal with usually, love for the path that is unfolding because it will lead to growth.

I keep saying over and over "serenity to accept"--chanting it in my mind to just get the negative thoughts OUT.

AND finally, I am focusing on all the possibilities that can happen because of the official splitting...no more waiting for him to try to talk and connect with me and being disappointed for example, even thought he *says* he wants to work it out. He has never *acted* like he did. I am slowly accepting that this is happening, after years of extreme fear and confusion about what the right decision was. It is still painful--and I have spent some days crying and feeling bad--but slowly the serenity is coming in. I am so grateful--I cannot imagine the anger, resentment, and emotional poison I would be experiencing if I hadn't crawled through the door to my first meeting 4 years ago. SO grateful...!



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Spur


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This is so positive! I'm very happy for you. Go live the life you were meant to have.

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NL14


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That's wonderful, Sookie. I'm so sorry you've had to go through the darkness to glimpse the light, but maybe if you (we) hadn't you (we) wouldn't recognize the light for the beautiful miracle it is. I really agree with you about love being the be-all end all. Not romantic love necessarily, but an over-arching position of love and compassion toward everyone, everything (including ourselves) and life itself. Love *is* the answer. Not necessarily the answer to keeping a relationship together, but to being happy. Best wishes to you and your kiddos.

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Debilyn


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Glad you are thinking positive and with love. Believe me no connection is better than wondering if and depending on if and when he will pay.

It has been a tough journey for you but you kept going. That takes a lot of strength and conviction.

Your kiddos will be better for it too.

hugs



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
grateful2be


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Ditto to all the support and encouragement you've received here. It isn't easy to make these changes and it is better than going round and round with nothing much to show for it other than angst and frustration. You're doing soooooooo well.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
hotrod


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Sookie Prayers and positive thoughts on the way. I admire your wisdom and courage.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Cathyinaz


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I don't know but keep in mind HE moved out 3 years ago and has been living on his own. Might be worth something.

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sookie


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Thanks everyone...it has taken me a LOT of effort to let go of my anger when it comes over me. Progress not perfection and today was a good day.


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grateful2be


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(((S)))

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Tossed Salad


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Sookie I am in a similar place as you and can totally relate. You are doing a great job! Hugs to you!


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Debb


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Glad for you that you have reach a place of comfort and have past the difficulties for the better!!!

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 "Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> a light at the end of the tunnel