Oh :-( - Al-Anon Family Group

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh :-(

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

So sorry MsM. Step 11 works for me at times like this. Prayers on the way

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sorry Melly....

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry mel. Praying HP will bless you with another place.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Every door that closes brings us that much closer to the door that will open. You did the leg work. The outcome was in HP's hands. It appears to me this place wasn't the right one for you. When we work the 3rd step, turning our will and our lives into our HP's hands, then things turn out the way they're meant to and not always the way we hoped. You've come this far, Mel. HP won't let you down although based on my own experience, you might do a little sweatin' it once in awhile. Glad you've chosen not to worry (our will) and are choosing to share with us and trust (HP's will.) And good for you in not sharing this with the xABF. It's really none of his business now where you go or in what direction you are headed.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 14th of September 2014 08:47:23 PM

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

I found an add in the paper for a caravan park (that's trailer park in american) a few towns over that said "Medium term cabins $180 per week, we are the ONLY pet friendly caravan park around". I rang and she said "oh no, all of the $180 cabins have gone already. The cheapest we have is $280. (OK, that's the top end of my budget, I could do that for a few weeks while I look around ..." "No, "pet friendly" only applies to the holiday cabins and they are $90 per night. We don't allow dogs in the long term cabins" (and she sounded horrified at the suggestion).
I know it's stupid thinking but sometimes I really feel like HP is giving me the finger and laughing. Yes yes, I know, poor me, lol. But it really does feel like that sometimes.

I'm not taking the "easy" option of renting with A and letting him push me back into my cage. I've been happy and positive before, at times, and staying with him, thinking I can handle it, I'm "better now", well that relationship always reverts to it's natural state where I cower in my room and cry and he rampages and hurts me and takes my money and indulges himself and sucks the life out of me. And then I silently clean up the mess while he is sleeping. I'm not doing it again. I'm finished with that.
I'm tired of feeling scared and hiding in my own home. I'm tired of not knowing where I will live or how I will pay for it. I don't deserve to feel scared and homeless and hopeless all the time. I've had enough of it.

Things are going to start working in my favor, or I fear I am going to have to lose my sunny disposition.

All I want is to rent a small house in this general area where I can re-build my life and look after my daughter and pets. That is NOT a lot to ask especially as I am a clean, responsible and have a very good history of making rent payments well in advance. When I met A, I had paid my rent 6 months ahead and also all of my utilities bills were hundreds of dollars in credit, just because I wanted to feel secure and not worried about having to move house if anything went wrong. I'm not going to stay with A just because it's too hard, and the universe is just going to have to make some adjustments. I require a house, in this general area, that is reasonably clean and secure, allows me to have a dog and a cat, and preferably has a bathtub. It's not a big freaking ask!

GRRRRRRR!!!!!!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Just keep knocking until one door opens for you, Mel. That's all it takes - one door to open. What if what you want isn't what your HP has prepared for you? What if what is prepared for you is much better? Turn it all into your HP's hands and just keep looking and knocking. HP knows your needs and HP will provide for you. Listen, listen, listen, trust, trust, trust, keep on keeping on and don't let fear drown out that small, still voice within you.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I know you will keep your feet moving, Melly. And, you are right, you don't deserve to feel homeless, hopeless and scared. Prayers, Melly.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

MS. M The 11th Step reads:"Praying only for his will and the POWER to Carry it out. "

HP never asks us to do His will without giving us the Power to do so. Trust the process.

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

Well I'm still only on step 4, on my first go-around but alright.
I know it will work out and I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
There would be no sense in everything going right and having a big celebration and then relax only to find everything was all wrong again.
That would just be more of life lived in insanity and disappointment.

It's just stuff like, my girl wants to have a halloween party next month as she does every year, and I don't even know if we will have a home to live in then. We have to be out of this house by october 18th, and I don't know where we will go. It won't be much good if we are out on the street with all of our stuff and i am saying "don't worry daughter, we can have the party in the car".

lol.
(((everyone)))
I know it will be alright, i just thought that house felt right, it was an unpleasant surprise to be rejected.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm sorry Melly, that is a bore! I'm trying to learn that rejections are not always personal. Perhaps that is the lesson here? Keep looking, the right place will come up. Perhaps house sitting, where you look after someone's holiday home, could be an option for a while? I hope that the agent asks those owners again in a couple of weeks, assuming it still isn't rented by then. Sending good vibes and prayers your way.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

One day at a time. I have been there, and what came next was even better. Can you advertise for what you need and want?

Put up fliers? there may be someone who has something you can fix up who does not realize someone would do that. Do you have RVs there? sorta mobile homes on wheels? could you buy one then find somewhere to put it on someones land? some one is doing that here.

Ok you have 35 one days at a time. You are good at talking, talk to people where ever you are, lettem know what you need!

good for you to not "get rid of" your animal family~Is it summer there now?

keep us updated. good for you on abf too. love!

Sweet Stanley · ~*Service Worker*~

So sorry that one didn't work out. Keep looking....there is one out there for you. You got a great suggestion. Can you put up flyers of what you are looking for? You may be surprised at what is out there.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

I know when I had my dogs they were family and where I went they went too. I don't know if you shared that you go to f2f Alanon meetings but at meeting places here it's common for people to be advertising for a roommate on bulletin boards in meeting locations. That can be on a month to month basis at times. Program people tend to trust other program people to be honest and fair in business dealings with them. Just a thought. I hope you find something soon in your area. Hp usually opens a door, if keep knocking. Keeping good thoughts for you and your girl. (((hugs))) TT

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I would go with the share option Melly if you can. Share meaning share with a person other than the A. That way when you start working you can really save more money and actually PICK what is right as it becomes available. Speak up in alanon meetings too. Part of the problem of emerging after being so isolated is that your support network is small Mel. Speak up and reach out.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Monday 15th of September 2014 07:16:26 AM

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

And please trust that the Universe really is kind - very, very kind. It is only what we think that causes us trouble, dear sister. There is a home for you and you don't need a new place to live today. You have a place to live today. The same support you have today minus the xabf will be there for you in the future, too.

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Melly,
I echo what Debilyn and Tired Tonight said: Network.

There was a motivational speaker here and I'll think of her name in a minute. Barbara Sher And she said if you get 30 people in a room (she suggested having a party--when people come, excuse yoursel to "make a phonecall" for 30 minutes, tell them where the ice is, etc., and let them get to know each other.)
Then you state the problem. And with 6 degrees of separation, somebody in that room is going to know somebody who knows somebody. She did it in the lecture--there were 200 people there, but a girl needed a place to live and wanted to work with horses. And she got a job exercising horses that came with a place to stay. Within 30 minutes.

So, maybe that wouldn't be practical, (but wouldn't it be fun to see it play out) but if you ask everyone you know and ask them to ask everyone they know, maybe somebody who hasn't listed and hadn't planned to will decide to go ahead, or maybe somebody will decide to go on an extended trip and have you house-sit.

Give the Universe a little help, maybe.

Hugs,
Temple

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I have a friend that sold her home a year ago and was unable to find another for she and her husband. She has a gift for networking and has been able to secure temporary housing for both of them AND her son and his dog for this past year. They have opted to have a home built, but it will not be completed for several months. You have lots of us holding a space for you...we just don't know where it its, yet smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

If there are places to share, you might as well check them out. Who knows. I shared my home to a gal who had dogs and cats. She rented a big master bedroom and large bathroom. Had all she needed in there and a private door out!

If you could find some one with a big den, with a door out or not, I know you could make it cute and a home. Do you have studio apartments like over buildings? I always wanted to live in one, a loft. ONe big room.

OH look for caretaking places in the country too. I know people who have a separate little house for someone to just live on the property.

I will keep praying for you to find something there.

I moved 30 min away from my home town. I LOVE it up here. Maybe if you go look somewhere else you may find what you want and fall in love with it. Then you can always drive to your old town.

Knowing what you say about your daughter, she would have no problems finding even more friends.

You may be surprised what you can make into a home. Even a loft you can divide it to rooms for you and her.

I am proud of your strength and keeping on! YOu are showing your daughter what a woman can do!

hugs, debilyn

Luiza · Senior Member

Hyah.

I sympathise, going through a housing crisis myself at the moment.
I put an advert on a website, looking to rent a room for my daughter and I and one single mom replied...she has a daughter at the same age, a cat and a dog, it would be just perfect. I could picture our daughters playing together and us supporting each other BUT she hasn't got a stabilised home, she was looking for someone to rent with her and unfortunately at the moment I can't afford to pay up front all the fees and have my name on the tenancy agreement. As I am still detangling from my H and the financial situation is a mess, I have to be very careful with new responsibilities. My idea was just to rent a big room in a friendly established home, temporary, until I get on to my feet again.

My sister is a house/pet sitter and she is never short of places to live. I don't know how it would work out with a child but maybe you can find a position somewhere?

-- Edited by Luiza on Monday 15th of September 2014 04:50:51 PM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Mel...since you can drive now and have some background in nursing...elder care / live in provider might be an idea also. At least that would be caretaking for someone that really needs it right? Just tossing out ideas.

Tossed Salad · Veteran Member

Hugs and prayers to you!

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