The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First let me explain. I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas. I had one bad Christmas in my early childhood because of my dad's alcoholism and this changed Christmas for me forever. I have had good fun Christmases with my FOO after that but Christmas for me is no big deal. At all.
I can not get excited with making the kids excited believing in Santa, waiting for presents and all the 'magic'...sorry but I can not fake it.
I am some sort of Christian and always have been, so Christmas for me is a time for reflexion and gratitude. Also to commit to change and grow for the following year. Yes I like to eat nice food but in my FOO we always cooked together at Christmas and other celebrations.
Now, H's family is CRAZY about Christmas. They are not religious/spiritual in any shape or form. Christmas for them is all about presents, presents and more presents, who gave what to who and how nice it is...how much it costs. And how many presents you got. It is all about food, food and more food. And more food. And my H is the one who will cook everything. No one is allowed to help. And you have to follow every single little tradition, because (the TV says so) it is a tradition...you give to charity because (the TV says) it is compulsory to be extra nice at Christmas. And you have to make sure to be having a GREAT time because it is CHRISTMAS and (the TV says) you just should be happy at Christmas. No matter what. Clue: drink alcohol like there is no tomorrow.
So, I guess you can imagine that I don't enjoy spending Christmas with them very much. At my first Christmas with them I was amused. Second: confused. Third: lacking. Fourth: sad. Fifth: angry. Sixth: hopeless...and so on and so forth.
The point of the thread is: with all the situation between me and H, the first problem that sprung and MIL's mind was...you guessed...Christmas....my daughter is the only close child of the family. My H's siblings are childless. They all like to SPOIL my daughter at Christmas, ugh. She always get overwhelmed with the mountain of stuff she gets and very bored with unwrapping, smiling/posing for FB photos, etc, but she needs to keep happy for their own amusement.
Daughter asked me today what are we doing for Christmas? So I asked her, why is she even thinking so far ahead? There is no sign of Christmas anywhere...where did she get this question from?
She said that Dad asked her if she wanted to spend Christmas alone with me OR with all their family in Granny's house. Daughter knows I am very much bah humbug about Christmas so she said: at granny's house...but can mummy come too?
Probably now they have this big problem in their minds. They know I won't agree to spend Christmas with them and they probably think I will fight tooth and nail to avoid daughter going too. They have no idea that I am more than happy to let daughter go and will be over the moon in staying alone, all by myself, enjoying my HP company, perhaps doing charity work and just read and sleep.
I almost sent MIL and H a txt message saying: Don't worry about Christmas. You can have daughter all for yourselves.
But I didn't. Why? Because they haven't asked me. They haven't mention Christmas to me yet.
Because H has been obnoxious about everything and refuses to communicate like an adult. MIL is pretending nothing is happening and was too happy in coming to my home and whispering with H behind my back as though as I was invisible (my apartment is very small but open plan, the situation was ridiculous).
Let them worry. Let them loose sleep. When they finally ask, I will say, yes no problem, you can have daughter for Christmas. I will be just fine.
-- Edited by Luiza on Saturday 13th of September 2014 05:11:45 PM
-- Edited by Luiza on Saturday 13th of September 2014 05:13:31 PM
-- Edited by Luiza on Saturday 13th of September 2014 05:15:41 PM
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
I agree with you about not saying anything to them. Let them come to you and ask. It's too early anyway. I get tired of the commercialism too. It's awful.
I have not been into any holiday for the last 6 years. They are the worse days anymore. I hope someday it will come back but right now it's just another day.
I should take it all in while my son is away and give my best effort to make for a day for remember the good things in my life and why Christmas was created and celebrated in the first place.
Take care of you and as time go's on you will have more hope for happiness. That's where I'm going....
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Cripe! Talk about the disease creating drama and chaos. They're planning for Christmas already and aren't even living each day in September. The nice thing about this is that you are grounded and can help bring your daughter back into the present day. Next will probably be Thanksgiving Day plans and putting this little one in an awful spot before autumn is official. "That's a long way off, honey. Too early to make plans. Let's talk about that when we get to the month of November? Is there anything you'd like to do today that might be fun?"
