Step Four - Al-Anon Family Group

afglin · Senior Member

Step Four

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I've used Blueprint for Progress and I've encouraged those I have sponsored to use Paths. Recently, I read Betty on the board that she encourages her sponsees to use Step 4 method from the BB if I'm remembering her entry correctly? In Paths, there are different suggested ways to do a 4th Step. It doesn't matter to me what method is used as much as matters whether or not it is completed utilizing one of the methods.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 14th of September 2014 04:12:02 PM

afglin · Senior Member

I always read pathways also. I just didn't see how those BB sheets could give a person positive things to build on.

Thanks for your reply.

LIN

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

That would be a concern for me, too. If all we looked at in ourselves or others is our defects, we'd never grow. I haven't seen the method you've seen with 4 sheets of paper unless it has something to do with listing who we've harmed, who we want to make an amends to, who we might be willing to make amends to and who we'll never see ourselves making amends to? But that would be more the 8th step?

afglin · Senior Member

It's taken from step12.com 4th step workshop It refers to pages of the BB. Example...the sheet on resentments. List names with whom I am angry. Tell why angry. Tell what part of self was hurt or threatened. Where was I to blame. The exact nature of my wrong.

All four are in that kind of format. I want to find positives as well as areas I need to change. But I don't see any positives here at all.

LIN

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Very different than the Blueprint or Paths, isn't it? I don't use BB for anything but resource since it really isn't my program or program literature and haven't bought a new workbook since I have tons of Al-Anon hardbacks at my disposal now. I can tell you don't like it - the suggested method of doing the 4th Step? There are some suggested things in Al-Anon I also won't use for myself or suggest for some of the folks I know in the program because I see them to be harmful more than helpful for me and those I know but others really enjoy or learn a lot from some of the literature or suggested methods they use, so I just use what I know works and leave the rest that I don't intuit will work. Looks like you know what you need and don't need. Perhaps the workbook works best with folks who NEVER can see they aren't behaving very lovingly but only keep pointing fingers at others? Don't know - just an uneducated guess.

afglin · Senior Member

I totally agree. I dont like the 4 sheets. I always thought we had to use CAL---conference approved literature. ANd how can a few sheets from a different program be used? When I came into alanon over 22 years ago one group of "old timers" said this was the only way to do it. I thought it was too harsh for what I needed. I had been beaten down my whole life and wanted to be lifted up. The Blueprint for progress helped me do that. Those old timers are still using the sheets.

LIN

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Might be a good idea to raise the request for a group conscious meeting on this question if this is something happening in your meetings? I've sometimes called the WSO when I'm uncertain about something to check things out there before I act anywhere else.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 14th of September 2014 04:04:21 PM

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm working through blueprint in a small step group and I like it a lot because some of the questions reveal a shortcoming that I need to face up to, some of them reveal assets I had never even thought of. I think it's a really good resource, mind you I am only part way through it but so far it feels right.

That's my newbie opinion

-- Edited by missmeliss on Sunday 14th of September 2014 04:10:14 PM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I believe that the Paths for Recovery and the Blueprint for Progress are excellent tools for working the 4th Step. I must remember that alanon does not make rules only suggestions. Even the Traditions are only suggestions and unenforceable. In that respect each member can and should use the tools that works for them.

I suggest that my sponsee begin each day with an asset and gratitude list so that by the time we arrive at working the 4th Step, for the first go around , I can suggest the easier faster way by using the AA BB. I believe that it helps a sponsee to have the courage to go inward, and since we will work many 4th steps in our life time, I feel that just getting the first one done is a powerful experience .

We never forget the asset and gratitude list in the process.

afglin · Senior Member

Thanks Betty. But I am wondering what happens to those who only use the BB and don't have somebody asking them to list assets along the way. We have not had a step study in my meeting. This just came up when I was working steps with a sponsee at my house. She has only worked it with the papers. I told her no musts in alanon...so she can do it this time with whatever method she chooses. But I know many other members in my town use the papers and attend different meetings.

The suggestion to call WSO is a good one. thanks
LIN

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Just as a point of information, the AA Big Book is not "Alanon Conference approved literature" So that a group should not be using it as a tool.

afglin · Senior Member

I know that. m This is why I am wondering about why those folks think it's the best thing to use. I wonder if they use it when they have step study meetings at the meeting places. I would not do it. I am very careful to always use CAL.

LIN

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.