divorce/alimony - Al-Anon Family Group

sookie · Senior Member

divorce/alimony

Kay10 · Member

I have no experience in this matter, and I hope that it doesn't come to that for you.
I respect that you acknowledge that your judgment and serenity are feeling jeopardized. Try to keep your HP in the forefront of your mind and heart --there IS someone/something powerful and interested in you. You are not alone. Keep reaching out.

Hugs

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

No, I've not had to do that and have no experience with it. What I do have is an understanding that I can only do what is revealed to me to do one day at a time. Like my As, I also have no power over an unknown future and if I try to see where I'll be in the future, I panic because I'm looking too far forward. Making an assets and gratitude list, working Step 1, 2, 3 and/or 11 each day, and reaching out to others helps me regain my composure and my serenity. I can't do a thing about tomorrow, but I can live my life and do my best to practice the program today.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Are you doing the divorce on your own? self divorce? If so he may not even realize its a possibility. Just do the papers and file and when its time to serve him, you can do it or have someone close to you. He may think he just has to sign them.

If an attorney is doing your divorce then they are who to ask.

You might want to look online, Put in do I have to pay alimony to my male spouse.

Myself I have never heard of anyone paying the a alimoney. been here around 14 years...

drop the rock hon, this is making you sick. for me I have to find out quick and stop being concerned. hugs

sookie · Senior Member

Thanks. He has spoken to a lawyer and so have I....I am just hoping we can do as you suggest and try to mediate outside of the courtroom. From people I have spoken to in my town--alimony is standard now. Often $2,000/month for the duration of same time as your marriage. It is insane. I am focusing on what is NOW and trying not to project. It is all a tangle of emotions and I won't let myself slip into anger/resentment. I just can't go there.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

It is a sad fact that often people get not what they deserve, but in proportion to the savvy qualities of their lawyer. That's unfortunate, but you might as well use it to your advantage. Be sure that you have a savvy lawyer. Even if you end up negotiating the divorce yourself, I would consult a good divorce lawyer (you don't have to tell your A that you're talking to a lawyer). They will have seen this situation before and know the best strategy.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Sookie,

It's going to depend on the state that you live in, the duration of marriage and the lifestyle you and your AH have lead during that time. You would be surprised to know that in MANY states IL is one of them maintenance is not that common to be given to the other party and it depends on the judge .. here it is 1 year to every 3 to 4 years of marriage. 20+ years it becomes lifetime benefit .. usually until retirement .. so check out the laws and do not go by what other people are telling you .. it only matters what the judge will say in the situation. Unless you are making 6 figures I find it incredibly hard to believe it will be 2k a month. There is a formula for maintenance just like there is one for child support. There are no hard fast rules though and it's really the judges discretion. Talk to more than one atty and find out what is considered the norm of these situations. Usually the judge wants to see that there is an effort of "rehabilitation" so that means that they want to see that the spouse who is asking for support is looking to support themselves and so on. In my case I'm sure the fact I have kids played a big factor in getting the additional support. It boils down to how much information your STBAX has about your financial situation. If I hadn't had what I did my STBAX would have gotten away with a LOT. Do clear your head and find out what your rights are.

Hugs S :)

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