Just feeling the "if onlies."  It's understandable.  You did a good job honoring your own feelings and choosing to act in your best interest.  It wouldn't have been a good evening if you felt uncomfortable. Someone in Alanon once told me TT never make someone else your priority and allow yourself to be there option. I thought those were wise words.   ((hugs))   

To thine own self be true 

I so agree with Paula on this. NLG, the disease is talking from what I read in your share. If your husband wasn't caught up in the disease, his words would be much different. Knowing what he says has probably 99% nothing to do with you and everything to do with a power greater than either of you that is the disease, can help you withdraw your mind from the disease's constant badgering, blaming, shaming and attempting to argue with you or you with it. Turning to your HP who is greater than the disease and trusting what you hear that is not shaming, blaming, argumentative or damning by practicing Step 2 and 3 might be a help to you in this, too? You have a tremendous amount of responsibility and stress on your plate. You have just recently gone through a physical move and emotional separation. Both daughters have gone away to school and you have one child at home. Your job is also chock full of responsibilities and surprises and stressors. That's an awful lot for one woman to deal with in a short time. I am glad you are going to Al-Anon (if you are - I truly can't remember on this) and to the divorce support group. Perhaps a daily assets and gratitude list and a huge injection of FUN daily for you might help, too?

If he had a job, you'd know it.  And I get that "need to know" stuff that I let get in the way of my own serenity sometimes.  He could tell you he has a job, he's got an interview for a job, he is starting his own business, he has started his own business, he's been working for a month now and still that wouldn't change a thing for you - especially if he isn't paying his share.  My x did have a job and I still had to take my case to the state to recover some of what he owed my children.  Then, later, he could hide the money he made (used car salesman) and wasn't pursued even by the state once he moved to another state.  I had to rely totally on my HP because he never did help with child support to any big degree nor did he pay any of the bills that were split up by the judge at the time of divorce.  By the time he died, he was thousands in arrears on child support which my children would never see, had nothing of value other than a life insurance policy through work that didn't even list all his children and a rental car to my knowledge.  We can hope they'll get their act together and from what you've read here, most of us have not experienced that in relationship to some of our As.