The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi -My sponsor is away for a week and for the first time, in over a year of working together, I miss the daily contact, and it's only the first day! I feel a loss and I know when she gets back, we will continue as usual. During the past 10 yrs or so, I have rejected new people who wished to be friends with me. I think I have felt I have already had enough pain, rejection, and disappointment to last me a lifetime. When I started working with my sponsor, I didn't think about becoming attached, or vulnerable, or anything. I needed help, and I knew this was a tool to use, so I got involved. Now it's too late! I'm involved, I care, I need the connection we've established. And I'm just so surprised at myself. My wall of steel has it's weak spots. Could I be human after all? Lyne
LOL Lyne...loved it! So you both get a vacation. You're human and the weak spots will allow you to peek outside a bit. Been there and done that and knew I had to learn how to walk and fly at times without leaning. I'm grateful at the great job my sponsorship did. I can now look in a mirror and not see the crowd I once needed to have around me and for which I have been extremely grateful. In support. ((((hugs))))
Thanks for your share. I can relate to that. I don't have a sponsor anymore but I have two close friends who I contact daily. I don't know what I would do without these people. They don't live near me at all (in far off countries) but thanks to the internet, I can have daily contact. I think it's the one thing I find the most painful about my upbringing. I never developed that close bond with anyone in my family to share my daily life with so I understand it is going to feel hard for you. Take it 30 minutes at a time if that helps and nothing beyond that in coping with her not being available and give yourself love for feeling bonded to her and for trusting her or him. It seems a fine balance in enjoying contact with someone but not being too attached. I remember somebody saying to me not to get attached to people, places and things and that's hard to do. I live alone now in a foreign country and I do what I can to make friends and build a life for myself. It's made me less codependent and more responsible for myself. I do believe our higher power doesn't give us anything we can't cope with but I also know what loneliness feels like and how hard that can feel. All you can do is your best at any given moment.
Welcome to the human race.