The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Son invited me to come up and spend the night with him and cook out,enjoying it seems though like my greiveing is harder today I've been trying to keep him off my mind by washing my car,visiting getting out of town and of course come ing here to share I'm been catching myself blinking back my tears,I'm said serenity prayer several times I guess it's just a bad day I'm haveing I'm hopeing anyway and this will pass tomorrow will be diff.being a new day also I'm attend ding church tomorrow I just really wasn't expecting this ,my feelings coming out for him.this too shall pass,I can do this and will do this.im ok today.tomorrow is a new day I'll see what it brings me.
I know my posts must sound crazy but I'm just letting it all out and this is the only place I can unload at.words can't describe my gratitude for you all and this board.
I even drove by the place where he said he was staying some of the time hopeing to see his car there but it wasn't there at 2pm prolly working I don't know what's going on with me,I know I'm not gonna relapse hopefully.
Relationship addiction and serious codependency are hard to break. I get that. However, driving by to check up on him and his car is not good. Reach out to your supports when you get those notions. What if you had seen him? My guess: He'd be back in your house already. I notice you are still calling him your boyfriend and not ex. To me, you sound like an alcoholic trying to get sober only taking swigs here and there and trips to the liquor store but thinking that won't lead to major relapse...it will. Recovery is also about having smart feet LU. Keep out of dangerous places and away from dangerous contacts. Stop making things harder for yourself. If you are going to call him your bf still, chase after him, and take his calls, might as well get back together. Step 3 is about giving up your will to your HP. You have asked us and your HP for help, made gestures of giving up your will, then you take your will back and won't let Alanon work.
Also..that voice telling you "this is crazy!" And "Why am I doing this?" That is your HP. Start listening to it. It is just like an alcoholic resisting a craving. Pray, sit with yourself, and stay put.
When we're alone with ourselves, without the chaos of being with the addict, it leaves a space for all kinds of things to come to the surface. Many feelings that we have kept down by being in a state of turmoil and anxiety all the time. Those feelings can be uncomfortable, so we start going back to the old ways to distract ourselves. That's where I start looking on the internet to see what my exes are doing. Do I ever feel better when I do that? No, I always feel miserable afterwards.
If we stay with those new feelings, it can become clear that they're not so overwhelming after all. We just have to practice the new way instead of practicing the old way.
Our addiction is powerful and always trying to get us back. Hope you can steer clear and take good care of yourself.
Lu good work going to visit your son Feeling the feelings are important and It is OK to feel sad. I share that grief here and with a friend and know that it will lift. We need to go through it in order for HP to heal us . You are not alone.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 7th of September 2014 07:43:24 AM
I even took up running and would run 4 miles each way to pass where she was living and I hated running. "Addiction"... I lost weight and got healthy lungs back and not my alcoholic/addict of the illusive happiness I craved from a relationship that could never give it. I also went to 102 meetings of the AFG in 90 days and one of the miracles (only one) which came from that was being able to let go...and let God and the program hold me and introduce me to sanity. Thank you Al-Anon. ((((hugs))))
Great insights just what I needed to hear,hugs I hope this works I'm pulling with all I got right now ,I get to go to a FTf meeting mon. Nite be my 1st meeting in 20 years .
