Hey Debb. nice to meet the real you. I live with an active alcoholic, so I understand what you are talking about. I know about the nasty remarks. When your husband does this, he's inviting you to an argument. If he can get you to argue, then this gives him more reason to drink. Someone here at MIP once said, " Just because you are invited to a fight, doesn't mean you have to attend." I have used this little piece of advice on many occasions. When my husband sees he's not going to get a rise out of me, he seems to burn out. He usually gets in his chair and falls asleep.

I try to find something that gets me out of the house. Sometimes I'll call a friend and invite her to lunch, go shopping, get my nails done or just go for a walk. Do what ever you can to take your focus off of him and put it on you. Working out in the yard is something else I enjoy doing. Don't let him rob you of a relaxing weekend.

((hugs, Debb)) Be good to yourself.

Thank you Linda and Betty for your understanding and support!! Staying quiet and out of the way definitely sends a loud enough message that I will not participate in the nastiness or even acknowledge it. Will be digging up a few bushes this week-end, weather permitting, that should keep me out of trouble!! :)

Debb, are you a member of the fellowship? If not, it may be the very thing you need, its great to hear your story told by other people. Its the same old story. Having to tip toe around a drunken abusive sick person is not good enough for a lovely lady like you look to be. It doesnt have to be this way, would you believe me if I told you there is a way to have your dignity, strength, self respect, joy, serenity even though he sits there with his anger and bitterness? Ther isa seat with your name on it somewhere, you will be welcomed, understood and helped to live life to the full.x

Oh my goodness, yes. I used to dread the weekends. For the last year I worked, prior to that I was home full time. That job was my saving grace; my sanity. During the summer I would find things to keep me out of the house, and even go to the office to read, or do extra work. Toward the end he started staying out more and that was great. My son figured he was having an affair. I did not care, as long as he wasn't trying to fight w/ me. 

No house is big enough for this; there is no place to "hide". I have been out of the house for a little over a week now and it is just wonderful. That weight of oppression is gone. That constant act of doing the right thing, shutting up, keeping busy, avoiding him and his need to fight. I don't have a job or a place to call my own (living w/ sister) but this is 1000% better than living in that environment. 

Yes, he was Jekyll & Hyde. When he stepped out the door he was the man I married. Kind, professional, funny... but when he stepped inside he was a mean, nasty, hateful person. The fiew times we went somewhere together (usually counseling) when we arrived home he would walk in front of me, go inside, and slam the door in my face; go back to his throne (his place on the sofa) and go back to watching his TV now acknowledging anyone. I would try to sit w/ him and he would move as far away as he could. And then turn on something on TV he knew I would not like, cursing and trash. But, the next day go to his job for a Christian company and play Mr. Family man, and good Christian man and tell his boss that things at home were so bad (because of me) he had to drink but was getting help. I did talk to his boss a few times, and he beleived his lies, so I just left that alone. 

Sorry you are going through this; it is not easy. Just love on yourself and keep your head up. I will be praying for you.

 

 

 

Wow!! I am so happy to have heard from you all!! You have made my week-end!! You are all such good souls, the support for each other is so overwhelming I am very very grateful indeed! Thank you from the bottom of my heart, it has been a long road for us all and you have all made such a difference in my life, just being here on this board for me to talk to. I do have my own little computer room and my own bedroom with a small TV, that I've had for the last five years that I can escape to. I love working in the gardens, gives me a good workout. I have learned so much from you all, it is like someone has turned the lights on in what was a very dark room and I thank you all again for being here and the many compliments on my photo as well. {{{HUGS}}}