The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its been another week with the abf. He has been sober for 5 days now and decided he is going to go for a beer at the local pub but not get drunk. What insane lies. I decided I would not be near him while he is drinking. I came back to my apartment. On Saturday, I went camping without him as he did not want to be around people drinking. I was glad to be away from him. During the past 5 days I have noticed a shift between us. He seemed more distant and I too have been the same. My attitude toward him seems to be shifting to "this is it?" "this is as good as it gets" He is either sleeping off a hangover or drunk. I noticed he is not present and I am getting bored with the relationship. Since he does not have a driver's license, I do all the driving and getting errands done. I am tired of feeling that this is as good as it gets. I am finding we are not talking about future plans anymore or plans to do anything together. When I am at his place, all we do is watch TV or sleep. Very sad. I feel I am wasting my time and its time to do more for me and less on him. I am also feeling no feelings toward him like i did when I first met him. I still have some of my belongs at his home, and I will need to go and get it when he is out of town working. I have emotionally given up on this relationship as all it does is cost me stress and worry. I am tried of the lies as well and I feel I can not trust him anymore. He is going to drink and the merry go round will start all over again! I need to get myself stronger so I can leave him for good.
Sounds as if you are getting a revelation from your HP that it is time to go. Heed your inner feelings. Going to some meetings will help you firm up your resolve and give you strength.
Joker it is good that you are detached enough to process your feelings in an honest fashion. I salute your honesty and urge you to continue to keep the focus on yourself and your needs. Keep coming back and keep up the alanon meetings as Deacon suggests.
It sounds like you are taking positive steps in your self care. Hopefully you are able to make it to AlAnon meetings? They are great to break the cycle and find out how you ended up with an alcoholic in the first place, and how to make more conscious positive choices in your future.
This may be as good as it gets and if he doesn't stop drinking, it gets worse. Glad you are being honest with yourself. Al-Anon meetings will help in making the changes you want to make and helping you stand firm in your decision making process. It is not unusual for the disease to pull out all the stops to keep us doing what we've always done in relationship to it. It is good to be with others to help you through the storm of words that may come and changing feelings on your part, too. Feelings aren't facts and they can get in the way of our doing what we need to do for ourselves. Keep coming back.
