The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am fresh to Al-Anon. My therapist suggested that I give it a try, given the type of childhood I had. So, I finally went to a meeting. What a eye-opening experience! It was crazy to hear people sharing the same kinds of thoughts that I had, feeling the same feelings I had... I thought I was so unique and alone and strange... but I'm not! What a RELIEF! ...Because I don't know about you, but being stuck in my head can get very overwhelming and chaotic.
I grew up with an active alcoholic for just a short while in my early childhood life on a daily basis, but through the years and visitations the affects from the alcoholic still hurt me... a lot. Besides that, my mother came from a home with an active alcoholic, and she definitely showed signs of affects from the disease.
In the readings and discussions in rooms, I know that Al-Anon is for me... I read and hear things that are so "ME". And then I wonder... Just how much did this disease affect me? Just how much of ME is really ME, or just my fear driven habits?
I don't hate myself, but I do know that things need to change, that I want to improve myself and my relationships. I want to feel better about who I am, the decisions I make, and where I am going.
The affects of the disease is like a heavy cloud hanging over my head, reminding me that I'm not good enough. I need to do more. My needs don't matter, and if I think they do, I am SELFISH.
I need to find a sponsor. I need to start the steps.
Thanks for reading ... if you relate or have any feedback, please reply
Dear Jesse, I am so happy that you found us and had the courage to share with such honesty and clarity. Welcome to MIP.
I am glad that you have also found Al-Anon and have attended face-to-face meetings. I too was astounded to discover that I was not terminally unique, and that others thought as I thought, felt, what I felt and were seeking help in order to grow and let go of the negative, destructive tools we had been given in childhood.
I can so identify with your inner confusion and chaos. I too found Al-Anon, and when I read the steps and saw that they promised me a spiritual awakening., I thought that at least I could try this because it was something that I've never experienced before and it might help.
Working the steps saved my life and restored me to sanity. By working the fourth through the 10th step. I' was able to discard all the negative nonsense that had been heaped upon me, as well as the anger, resentment, self-pity and fear that I carry deep within. I was then left with the serenity that this program promises. What a gift that was and I will never surrender it again. Please keep coming back and sharing the journey
Welcome to the MIP boards, I am so very glad that you found us. I am also very happy for you that you have found face to face meetings as well. I have found that using BOTH the message boards and face to face meetings have really helped me along my path of recovery.
Keep coming back. and Keep reading, you will find we are all alike.
Aloha Jessie and welcome to the board...You got a big AHA moment...Good for you. Alcoholism touches every part of us...mind, body, spirit and emotions and it does that piece by piece or all at once whatever it wants. This is a very cunning, powerful and baffling disease. I am affected from birth like so many others have been and maybe a lot like your Mom also. I've done the face to face with ministers and priest and counselors and such and what has helped me most has been the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups, AA and a sponsorship originally designed by my higher power. The literature...don't miss out on the literature and keep coming back here often to let us know what you have learned or what you need to ask for support for. ((((hugs))))
