The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have had some time to mull over the recent chaos that has crept back into my head. I have had some interesting revelations. I read a good deal of inspirational thoughts and slogans this morning. I like to read them as though they just apply to me (the wife of an Alcoholic). It certainly helps me (and us as a whole) to focus solely on ourselves. I am still doing that but I am also applying them to my AH to help ME stay on my side of the street.
WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. I know how easily one false statement can throw a spoke into my wheel. That is one reason my head was messy this weekend. So as I begin to contemplate how frustrated or irritated I am with my AH, I am going to start reminding myself of this phrase and not bombard him with all of my crap.
MIND YOUR OWN RECOVERY. I have had other people in my life this week be vocal about what a mess my head is in. I felt judged, condemned.. So, hopefully going forward I will try to mind my own recovery (see inspiration above) and mine alone. I will realize that my input on what anyone else is doing is NONE of my business and it could be destructive if not said in a safe way.
WHEN I LET GO OF WHAT I AM, I BECOME WHAT I WILL BE. This one is tough. I have been having a hard time letting go, perhaps because I have not gotten all of the wisdom I needed from this funk I am in. I feel like now I have embraced the funk and now I will be able to release it. I can then move on to the next phase of my HPs will for me. I am also really stuck on the errors and mistakes of my AH's past. I hope and pray that I will be able to also accept him (and move past) what he was and did and live in the moment. When I release him from his past, he can have a different future.
BE OKAY WITH WHERE YOU ARE, EVEN IF YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO CHANGE. (see above)
FEAR False Evidence Appearing Real. I honestly believe that FEAR has been my biggest obstacle my whole life. It is especially true now. I hope that I can learn to recognize when what I Think may just be false.
WE DO NOT SE THINGS AS THEY ARE, WE SEE THINGS AS WE ARE (This one is scary) SEE FEAR
WILLINGNESS IS ACTION. Yes it is. yes it is. I was comforted today to hear someone say that my post was dealing with step 4. I am going to be all out honest. While I have read the boards and the slogans and did my best to stay with the program, I have never really all out "worked" the steps with concerted effort. I have abided by the philosophies of the program, and I am truly healing. I decided to give to the program what I could give, but working the steps in a workbook with a sponsor was (WAS) too much for me to commit to. BUT I was WILLING to try to work the program in my own way. I am blessed beyond all measure to see the progress in my life, but I was even more excited for someone to notice me working a step. I actually had to look up what step it was lol. This is one of the many many blessings of Alanon- it makes sense. WILLINGNESS IS ACTION.
WILLINGNESS IS ACTION PART II. I am going to try to remind myself that even though I want my husband to go to a meeting, that his NOT drinking is a WILLINGNESS to get better. Frankly I still don't necessarily think it will last, but it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS. So I will be GRATEFUL for his willingness, and try not to ruin his momentum. or crush his spirit.
YOU WILL GET THERE WHEN YOU ARE MEANT TO GET THERE AND NOT ONE MOMENT SOONER...SO RELAX, BREATH, AND BE PATIENT.
When I first came I read and read every single day to keep it all clear in my head on what I needed to do to get well. I went into recovery. As time went on I was getting better and better everyday. Now I think I'm good and can take care of me and let to let HP handle my problems. I stopped the practice, practice, practice. I'm relapsing.
Now I know why I'm to practice for the rest of my life....will I.... lets wait and see??
((( hugs ))) to you that you won't ever stop practicing.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Great post susie, thanks for sharing. Cathy, I think relapse is often necassary, someone recently told me that we often need to see the shortcomings in action again in order to work through them. It doesnt take me long to get back I to it when I set my mind to it. Today I read the odaat and tried to think about it throughout the day and it worked quite well. Gratitude lists, prayers, just the simple wee things. Sometimes I get overwhelmed when I think of all the tools we have, im like right what should I do? And I can panic and then do nothing. Im back on it I think and im trying to keep it simple.x
