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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Feeling like I am crazy
Post Info TOPIC: Feeling like I am crazy
lookingup


~*Service Worker*~

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Feeling like I am crazy
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I've been reading every bodies posts on here and seems to lean  mostly toward the a and relationship issues today,I'm currently    

Still with my abf as most knows,I'm so waiting on my FTf meetings which I get to begin next mon.i so need my meetings and to find me a sponsor to help me with my step work ever since I e been coming here and attending mip online meetings,I've come to realize just how important this is to my recovery and just hoe sick I've gotten dealing with abf,I thought everything was going good until just a few nites ago abf fell to sleep and left his cell phone out,I couldn't resist ,I figured his password out then read his messages and of course there she was agin leaveing him messages all day long useing the word baby to him and then at the end she said baby what's wrong please don't push me away.well yes that hurt deeply she has a great husband but my abf never replied back to her .i called att and got a block put on her number so she couldn't text or call my abf agin unless she borrows someone else's phone.i know this is all sounding crazy on my part but at least I defiantly know that I have got to get to FTf meetings and find a sponsor and get to work on my step work.and yes I accuse him at times. Ut I know I have no control over abf or her,I have control only of me and what I decide to do.i don't, am not likening the person I'm become.one of my worst fears is that as soon as he gets on his feet which he is working on that hard all while liveing here under my roof me paying all bills that that will be when him and her will hook up together and that could send me twirling.thats what would really hurt.and as for my walls well there thick right. now,I'll never fall in love agin if I ever survive whatever this relationship brings, I've also been reading the step work board and trying to understand some of the steps been very helpful,it is very hard with my abf liveing here ,and receiveing her love texts .ive got to get it off my mind or make him leave my home at times I don't even think he really wants to be in a relationship,it's just to his advantage right now cause he has it made here.im hopeing I'll get the courage I need to make him leave sooner or later with working my recovery. Thanks .all the esh is needed .i will pull through this,I'm feeling miserable while abf is feeling great liveing in my house,now that's insanity on my part.im officially CRazy

 

 



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Do the next right thing~

ONE DAY AT A TIME!

 

 
lookingup


~*Service Worker*~

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Abf drinks every now and then but not a lot he don't get drunk he stays sober with space ing his beer out throughout the day so he knows what's going on at all times.

__________________

Do the next right thing~

ONE DAY AT A TIME!

 

 
Luiza


Senior Member

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Hi Looking Up.

My ex husband was a cheater. He had numerous mistress all the time we were dating and engaged and he eventually ended our marriage to be with an OW.

My current husband is faithful as far as I am concerned. I have never had any suspicion and it is the one of the few good things in our relationship. His mistress is the bottle.

Being in a relationship full of jealousy and paranoia is a dreadful way to live. I have been there, even before my ex husband. My ex boyfriend before my ex husband was so insane he would follow me around / spy on me, search my bedroom for evidence that I was cheating and would be extremely jealous of house mates and girlfriends too.

I want to ask you, what exactly you get out of your relationship? Do you really think you still love your bf after his cheating and drinking habits? Why exactly are you still with him?
Don't you think you deserve better than this?

I still believe in love. I believe that some lucky couples can remain happily ever after and grow old together, loving and supporting each other until death do them apart. I know this will not be the case between my current husband and I, alcohol or no alcohol. It is just a matter of time, before we go on separate ways. We can't make each other happy and we both deserve to be happy. I want to be happy. If I am not lucky enough to find long lasting strong love with another man, I would rather be happy alone at least.
I wish my current husband one day find a nice lady who will be able to love him, respect him, cherish him and accept him the way he is. I know I can not do it the way he deserves. And he can not do it to me the way I deserve either.

I hope you manage to work through the program and reclaim your house and your life back. You really don't need to live like this.


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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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HI Lu Missed you I understand how confusing this journey can be. Why not just try a gratitude list each day and share it here It can help to center you.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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It's a big step admitting we are out of control and sick. good for you.

It looks like you are working hard at learning the truths of where you are.

hugs!

 



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

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Betty made a great suggestion with the gratitude list. How about also posting 1 nice thing you did for yourself that has nothing to do with the abf each day? It's time to start being your own best friend.

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cloudyskies


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi LU. Hotrod and pinkchip have excellent ideas. By posting a gratitude list and something good you did for yourself, you are focusing on you. It's easy to sit around and beat ourselves up over what we may be doing or have done. Gratitude lists can be anything. I am from Georgia and it's doggone HOT here, but today I walked outside and felt the sun on my face and was grateful to my HP that I could feel it.

Have you found any f2f meetings in your area? Do you have any Al-Anon literature to read? Also, think about doing step work here on the Step Work board.

You're not crazy, LU. Your thinking process may be distorted due to the alcoholism that has touched your life, but you're not crazy.

Focus on you, and keep coming back.

 

 



__________________

Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold  O-on  P-pain E-ends

Linda-
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