The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone. I know i keep playing the same sad song, but it helps me to verbalize my pain I am in. I continue to sit back in amazement really. My AH continues to sit in our house and not pay the mortgage. I have to pay rent so I cant pay the mortgage either. He says he will get a job. He hasnt worked in 8 months. I am having a lot of anger and resentment over the fact that he isnt working. There are job opportunities so I know he could work if he really wanted to. The garbage company took the garbage cans away because he hasnt paid the bill. I've been cleaning up my stuff by either donating things or throwing them away. Feels good to clean. So we talked to a state program that will help us get caught up on the mortgage but i decided not to do it. They asked us if we could start making payments after they gave us the money. AH said yes he could. Lol. He just wants a bandaid to fix the situation. The program would put a lein on the house too. Boy was he mad when I refuses to follow theough with it. He does not like my new boundaries. Oh well! I also went to a lawyer for a free consultation. It helped. She said i could file divorce papers to force the house to be sold. I have los of work ahead. Trying to be calm and positive. But its so hard. Missing my older 2 girls who are away at college. But i am keeping busy by exercising at martial arts, going to meetings and also cleaning. But sometimes I slip and still spy on him on a stupid vulgar website he goes to. He has a reason behind everything he does. It doesnt matter if it offends me or not. He thinks I am the one who needs to change. So I call my sponsor and a close friend to get reassurance that I am ok and doing the right things. I need to work on my self confidence and trust myself Nd my HP. Thx for listening
Hi NLG. I love that you are taking martial arts. This is great because it's keeping your focus on YOU. I've often thought about doing this myself, but I don't think there are any teachers in my area. I know things seem so hard at the moment, but hang in there. Sounds like you are working on a plan. I'm sure your ah doesn't like your new boundaries. That's because your new boundaries are making him uncomfortable. I love what Hotrod says about making a gratitude list. This will help you with your self confidence too.
Take care of you and take one day at a time.
((Hugs))
__________________
Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
One way I was able to build my self confidence well was to keep my ego and pride away from the alcoholic/addict and not violate my own boundaries regarding being around her and the disease. First step say "I admit I am powerless" and doesn't offer me any exceptions to that. I tested the program when I was newbie and learned that it didn't care that I was in Al-Anon. When I got close to it with the same attitudes I had before program it would kick my butt just as hard and fast as it did before. Learning that my peace of mind and serenity was solely my responsibility and not to place the responsibility for it on anyone else was rocket science work at the time...Today I think I've got it down good. Some days I can think good. Keep coming back (((((hugs))))).
Sounds like you are maki g progress, glad you were abke to talk to a lawyer. U fortunately divorcing may force some more contact but hopefully that can be kept to a minimum while you work through this and on I to getting free of your entanglements.
It's hard but will be worth it in the long run!
Kenny
I'm sure your ah doesn't like your new boundaries. That's because your new boundaries are making him uncomfortable. I love what Hotrod says about making a gratitude list. This will help you with your self confidence too.