The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
aplologies that this post is not strictly al annon related, but with an AH at home, don't know who else to share with. AH been much better lately, has some control of his drinking (tho I am aware that probably won't last) & we have been enjoying each others company & I've been working my program well.
Then something happened this week that has completely floored me. My sister gave birth to a baby girl. They didn't know what they were having so I was aware this would be an option, but not prepared for how it would make me feel. I have 2 gorgeous boys but after the birth of my 2nd was disappointed not to have had a girl. I know how lucky I am to have all I do & after struggling with fertility I know I should be grateful. But instead I am experiencing an extreme depression. Not that I didn't want them to have a girl, I am so pleased for them. Just that yet again I'm the odd one out. It has felt like that my whole life. All my friends/ family have boys & girls, and I'm so sad that at big family gatherings/events I will not have those same experiences. I know that my being down will affect AH & I'm mad that after making so much progress, I'm now going back to square one emotionally!
Sorry to share this here but I'm feeling like a freak today on an emotional roller coaster & I really wish someone would stop it so I can get off!
Hi, Tash: Accepting life on life's terms has been a help for me when I've wanted what I don't or can't have. Recognizing that I will always receive what I need and not always what I want has also been a help to get me through a case of the "jells." Knowing that my HP will always say yes to what will help me grow and no to what will hurt me or not fit into my purpose at particular stages of my life has also been helpful. Utilizing Step 3, Step 4, Step 11 are other ways I've used to release myself from looking at the glass of my life half empty rather than half full.
You're not a freak. You're a human being who is becoming aware of issues in you that might be ready for a little tweaking? Thanks for your trust, sister, in sharing how you're thinking and feeling. Congratulations on being the only aunt like you that your little niece will have. My aunts were such a blessing to me. What my Mom couldn't or wouldn't do - my aunts could and did.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 30th of August 2014 09:31:41 AM
Thank you for such a lovely response! You are absolutely right & I am trying to remember that my HP has a plan for me. I had trusted it all through her pregnancy & it hadn't really worried me because I knew that life would be sending me a lesson. Was really not prepared for how it would hit me. Why is life always teaching ME the lessons! I know that's really negative, but it's how I feel!
I'm doing well not to show this in front of my sister & family, I've been good at hiding my feelings over the years! And I know it will get better, & I will eventually be accepting of my HP's lesson, but just for today I feel so sad!
(((T))) Being aware of your feelings of sadness, feeling(accepting) them, letting them be what they are and accepting your thoughts and feelings as they are right now rather than denying or pushing them down - good work.
Hi T
I so understand and have been there. What helped me was making a gratitude and asset listing each day. I did not have to feel grateful nor did I have to believe the assets were truly assets. All I had to do was list them and each day add to the list. A very important changed happened within a month I began to feel grateful and my self esteem grew .
I also used alanon slogans such as " Compare and despair as well as "Identify do not compare" as a way to accept that this was how I made myself feel less than. My problem one of my defects was to continually compare and not identify with people Once I found this tool I could easily begin to identify(search out the similarities ) with my family members and the rest of the human race . I could allow myself to have my life an not feel less than. Keep coming back You are not alone.
