Thought I'd be nice, so…. - Al-Anon Family Group

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Thought I'd be nice, so….

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

hi dear lady, Just think of it this way Diva, his brain is broken. Our bodies are mostly water. so after drinking, their organs, skin, bones everything is pickled. literally. All that poison goes to their brain and destroys it. They have a broken brain. You wouldn't expect a broken arm to grab a life rope would you?

Hon, you care becuz that is who you are. That is perfectly normal to care about someone you love.

PLEASE friend me on fb lady!!I miss hearing about you and critters. debilyn McPhate.

hugs and I miss you!! oh did ya know Tom left?

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I have found that just leaving them alone they will find a way if they want to live. After a while my son got food, got to the hospital and did anything he could to seek help. The bad part he went right back to drinking after being dry for a while. I thank HP everyday that my son is not dead and the state of AZ might be able to help him now.

I found when I took my focus off my son I was less likely to do something for him. That is the way it had to be

Peace be with you and prayers for you and your A

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Why do I torture myself that way? Why do you? Do you have a sponsor that can help you with questions such as these? Delving deep into this rich question may provide you with great self awareness (4th step work). Take good care...

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I am really sorry Diva Please know you are not alone and are powerless over this disease. You have a beautiful heart and I understand the pain.
Prayers and positive thoughts.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

I'm so sorry. I know you're acting from a place of loving decency. It's heartbreaking to witness the progression of alcoholism when we have memories of them bright and beautiful and sober. Prayers for you and your family. TT

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I thought about your post and wanted to add more to my response. I had a home health patient a few years who I would find lying in her feces/urine, drunk, naked and smoking cigarettes. I was there to do rehab with her so she could better care for herself. It was pointless to do any therapy with her, but what I could do was help her dress, comb her hair and tell her she was beautiful. It broke my heart and I would leave aching for her life. Eventually, I convinced the place where she was living to call adult protective services. I broke patient confidentiality laws by speaking with the manager, but the risk of losing my license was worth it, as she was not only putting her life in danger, she was endangering the entire facility. My point is is maybe you can see your acts of kindness differently than torturing you. Maybe this could be seen as extending humane compassion to a tortured human being? Helping to ease another's suffering is no small act. Maybe there is an agency that could be called in to help? Meals on Wheels? I do feel for your situation, as I know how I was affected by a person I had no history with. I wish yiu the best.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm so sorry Diva. Sending prayers.

blessed · Senior Member

Watching "good people" succumb to this disease is very difficult, but we also must accept it is what it is and we have zero control over it. Once we do that the guilt should leave as there is no reason to be guilty over something you did not do, and can not control.

I don't think we have to understand everything in life; but we do need to recognize what is not healthy or good for us, and accept that we have to stay away from the thing, or the person. And by statying away, also not drwelling on it and thinking about it every waking moment and allowing it to steal our joy. I, too, watched an educated, smart, funny, takented man give his life to this disease and it is very hard not to want to fix it/them and make them see all they have to do is..... and this would all go away. That is where our illness starts. There are people all over the place that are doing things that are distructive to their lives and I finally came to realize, through AlAnon, that I can't "fix" the world. And who am I to think that if everyone did what I thought was right, everything would be right anyway? Seriously, who am I anyway? That is pride, or trying to be God, or something that it none of my business.

What was interesting in my life is while I had the answers for the A, he was always telling me how to fix myself so that this would all go away. As we all know everything is our fault, and if we just.... then they wouldn't drink. So, he was trying to cure his disease (which he has never admitted he has) by fixing me. So, we were guilty of the same thing: not fixing ourselves, but wnating to fix antoher. I stepped off that merry go round and got involved in AlAnon which was a huge wake up call for me. Yes, I watched him self distruct and did not interveen, or even let it bother me (most of the time). Letting God and Letting God took that weight off my back and I found serentiy and freedom. These ain't my monkeys, and this ain't my circus. What I have come to understand is that until we focus on ourselves, we are still on the merry go round and contributing to the disease whether it be the As or ours. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I had to change. I did change. And I didn't fix him by me changing. I fixed me. And I am still fixing me, and will continue to fix me.

I do still pray for him, and hope he finds sobriety but it is not in a controlling way, but just wanting good for someoe that I loved and I know has something good to offer the world. Then I leave it w/ God. I do not go further and make a plan to make that happen.Now that I am living separately from the A, I get asked, "What do you think he is going to do without you there?" And my answer is always the same, "That is not my problem."

Sending you a (((( hug ))) and prayers for peace and serenity. Train yourself to turn your thoughts to self everytime a thought of what he is doing or has done enter your mind. Recite the Serenity Prayer and the 3 Cs - and let them sink in. Fake it until you make it. If you do that enough it will be more natural as time goes on. All the best to you.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.