Divorce Is In The Works - Al-Anon Family Group

wornoutmrsfixit · Senior Member

Divorce Is In The Works

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Loved the picture. I am also glad you have chosen to move forward with an action plan that you have decided is best for you. Enjoying time out with a high school friend sounds good, too. The rest of it I can't respond to since I don't know your x. In my case, my x started dating openly during our separation. I didn't tell him anything about my business when I started dating. Once we were divorced, I simply didn't see my dating as something I wanted or needed to discuss with him.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 25th of August 2014 04:26:18 PM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for the update WOMFI . You have a lovely family and I love how your program has worked for you.
Please keep coming back .

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds like you are moving forward. I would caution you against getting involved with another man so quickly. If it's just innocent dates that's one thing. But I chose to get married the second time within a year of my ex husband moving out. My second marriage is to my current AH which is ending in divorce more than likely. Being in the rebound, for me, was not a good idea. I have 3 great kids out of these 2 men...but not much of anything else. Take it slowly.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

you are so pretty and handsome boys! Wow two sons! How cool is that!

You are under no obligation to tell ex a thing. Why do it, it would just hurt him? I would say well you know I have my own life now. Leave it at that.

Otherwise he may take it bitterly and feel it is his own fault.

I am glad you are seeing a nice guy. That helps a lot. Men can make nice friends too. Plus when we divorce usually we have not had a nice relationship for a very long time.

loved your share!

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Good for you, lovely photo. I personalky wouldnt tell him anything at this early stage. As long as he knows there is mo chance of reconciliation then hopefully he is getti g on with his life too. Nice to hear your doing well.x

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs WOMFI .. I know this was such a hard decision for you and I'm glad you are moving forward in your own life. I agree with EC as the more they know and when they realize that the new/old behaviors won't work it will get dicey. I would suggest get him when he's in the guilt mode because it does make a difference you will get whatever you want.

Hugs S :)

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

((((WOMFI))))...best part of your post for me and my journey was Al-Anon allowing me to "Keep coming back"!! I found out so much about myself which caused me to say in a 12 step meeting one night that as a result of the program I no longer was having any affairs. It really was and is about changing me. Take all the time you need getting to know about you. and keep coming back. smile

wornoutmrsfixit · Senior Member

Thanks for all the support. I also appreciate the feedback on how to handle the dating situation. I really like Debilyn's line about having my own life now. That's great! Makes me realize I talk waaaay too much when it comes to this type of thing. Newlife Girl, I could not agree with you more. I have already told him that I like him a lot and enjoy his company and it could lead somewhere, BUT I am not looking for a committment anytime soon and we are both free to go out with other people. I'm going with something actress, Kirstie Alley said, "I would like to have a man in my life but not in my house." haha!!!

I know the divorce process and the sale of the house is going to be stressful so I am enjoying this calm before the storm. I will be back in to continue my saga and will continue to keep up with everyone elses. I love that there are so many stories and so many different outcomes but if we have worked our program, we all seem to be so much healthier than we were when we dragged ourselves in originally.

-- Edited by wornoutmrsfixit on Wednesday 27th of August 2014 09:48:09 AM

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Wo fi)))

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Thanks for sharing the picture of your handsome boys and yourself. You're lovely and I'm sure there will be lots of dates in your future if you want them. I don't think you owe your stbx an update about your social life. It's kinder to keep your business to yourself. In my humble opinion, there nothing to be gained from telling him. It's always sad to hear about people divorcing particularly when someone finally finds sobriety but not all issues can be blamed on active alcoholism. Sometimes the problems are there before the disease even progresses and fester when the alcoholism worsens. I hope you'll take time to know yourself by yourself for a time. I wish I had. Even though I felt no longer married, I brought who I was as someone else's wife into these dating situations. I was unrecovered and emotionally vulnerable. I delayed my recovery process from a failed marriage and didn't take down time until two years later. At that time, I really got to know what I liked and wanted. I made new girlfriends to hang out with, did volunteer work, Alanon step work and spent time with family and hp. I'm glad you're making a choice not to allow yourself to get involved seriously with anyone. That's very smart. In my personal experience, doing so was just putting a patch on a big open wound. Thanks for updating us. Keep coming back! ((hugs)) TT

-- Edited by tiredtonite on Wednesday 27th of August 2014 11:00:03 PM

wornoutmrsfixit · Senior Member

Thanks TT. You and another poster mentioned not jumping into another relationship too soon so I thought I would clarify because I agree with you and if newcomers are reading, I don't want to give the impression I left, filed for divorce and went on a few dates all in the same month. We have been separated for 2 years and I have taken that time, done the work and gotten to know myself better than I ever thought possible. I have broadened my network of activities, gotten a job, learned to do a lot of things independently, stopped being unwilling to speak up for my wants and needs, learned to put myself out there to make friends but I am lonely for this type of companionship and I'm not getting any younger so off I go. Scary, sad and exciting all at the same time.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Good Work WOMFI Thanks for validating your choices!!!!!

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

WOMFI .. hugs .. part of the freedom I have found in Alanon is that not everyone is going to agree or like the choices that I make in my own life. Bottom line .. they don't know my story, they don't walk in my shoes and they aren't responsible for the consequences of my choices. So I don't need to JADE it. If others are that interested .. LOL .. it's not like there isn't a large amount of information on the site about my story .. LOL!!

Hugs S :)

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