The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have come to terms with everything. I've done my work, continue to do my work, live my life. Enjoy myself when times are good, and work to change and grow when times are bad.
One thing I never expected was how lonely all of this was. While I greatly value AlAnon and it's support, and I have my own friends, this is a path I walk by myself. i suppose most of life is, really.
I'm just melancholy today. I mourned my marriage awhile ago. But, like any grieving, it just hits you unexpectedly sometimes. I really miss everything we had.
Listening, Spider and caring. I have experienced the loneliness that maybe you are describing a few years after I divorced my x. No human being, program, affirmation or exercise could touch that type of loneliness. For me, it was the God hole that we talk about in recovery. Of course, I didn't know that until after my HP stepped into the loneliness within me but I do know it happened during a deep time of loneliness and I was changed.
Hi SA. I would think facing the end of a marriage is very similar to a death. I heard one lady describe her divorce that way. With any loss, the body needs time to heal and grieving is part of that healing process. Give your body time to go through the process. Don't walk this walk alone. There are people, your Al-Anon group and your friends, that you can lean on for support. It's very possible that someone in your Al-Anon group has already gone through what you are feeling now. Find something you can do that might make you feel better, like reading a good book, watching a good movie, getting your nails or hair done.
Take care of you, SA, and take one day at a time.
__________________
Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
I do undertand Spider. Grieving and sharing this grief is so very important. I am so glad that you are here.
I have found that life goes forward and slowly it does begin to change and improve. My new reality is filled with new and supportive people, but it will ever be the same.
Keep showing up and taking care of yourself and remember to Trust HP
I am sorry you are grieving. I just left my A less than 3 months ago, and I am a mess most days. I would rather just feel it than suppress it like I have before and put myself in even greater pain.
I feel like being affected by alcoholism is something that no one can understand unless they've been through it, and none of those near and dear to me can truly understand. A lot of time I felt so alone because my friends were sick of hearing about it, they always seemed so eager to get off the phone w/ me. Just leave him and move on, they'd say, and while that is what i have done, It was one of the hardest things I've done in my life, and I feel fearful that experience will always haunt me. I know it is a matter of perception and some days the grief will take hold and i will have to mourn what was had and what was lost and what was never given, but most days I'll just be grateful that I am alive, that I am not stricken w/ the disease myself, and that I found the strength to leave, but somedays, I just feel like no one can understand how much this hurts and how draining it is to do the work, and both the good days and the bad are okay.
Aloha Spider...I mourned the loss of the fantasy and never the reality of my relationship with the addict and then the alcoholic/addict. When slept I often had terrible nightmares...metaphors my subconscious was producing from the insanity and confusion and fear that came from the reality of trying to live within the disease. I reached the point of suicide on several occasions and reacted to perceived negative events with behaviors which often were insane and dangerous. I hated living in insanity and that would end when I found and got into and then started living as suggested by the Al-Anon Family Groups.
When I came to understand that I have never been alone, that I have always been abided by and with my HP even when things were so crazy and I thought I was alone, I calmed down and accepted and then the miracles started to happen. For now you think you are alone and try this question on yourself, "Could I be wrong"? I cannot even think about answering it with a NO...Keep coming back...In support (((((hugs)))))
