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That realisation really freaked me out. I haven't been alone in a place overnight for more than 10 years. I left half of the house illuminated, slept with the dog next to me and stuff piled in front of my door....lol, not the bravest girl in the world, me!
ABF's exit became less funny after night fell and no-one had heard from him; eventually around midnight, 15 hours after he staggered off, he arrived at his mothers and she called me to say he was OK.
I had texted her after he left, just a simple message to let her know he was on his way to visit; I had heard him talking to her on the phone all of the previous night so I didn't need to explain the state he was in.
She called and was different...I don't know what has changed but she seemed awake and clued in to the situation and she said she knew he had been abusive and a nightmare for a long time, that "alcohol had damaged his brain and will just keep making it worse", (it's more than alcohol but you know, not my place to convince her of that) and she said she was sorry but "no mother wants to accept that her son is going around hitting women". I didn't bring any of this up, I just let her talk until she was done and you know, it shouldn't matter but I felt a real sense of peace just to have been acknowleged and not blamed or accused of lying at last. Something has changed; she wasn't her usual hysterical and stress-inducing self, she was calm and sensible and actually quite nice to talk to. Well, listen to.
Anyway I can't explain why but from the moment he walked out the door I felt that there were some positive forces at work for all of us; I don't know what the outcome of any of this will be but just for right now I am alone in my home. I fell asleep at midnight (which is unheard of for me) and slept a good solid 8 hours. The sun is streaming in my window, the birds are singing, my girl is safe with her dad, A is safe with his mum, and I....have absolutely no idea of how I am going to enjoy this sunny Saturday all by myself yet...but I think it's going to begin with eating strawberries and kiwi fruit in the morning sun And it's not going to involve housework of any sort...let's be clear about that....
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I'm glad you had such good night and learned that this, too, is something you can do! I love your idea for your Saturday morning, too. Solitude. Isn't it wonderful?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 22nd of August 2014 09:54:08 PM
I can relate to the good nights sleep! My son is in a lockdown program for three nights and last night I had the best nights sleep I have had in ages. OP I think even though we know the future is uncertain having a break from the day to day stress gives our minds and bodies a chance to unwind. Breathe in, breathe out, and enjoy the piece, we all deserve that!
I applaud you for your courage to change and not beg, call or do anything to change what is happening. I don't know if I could be that strong but I will find out in the future.....I HOPE!!
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I am so HAPPY for you!! Great work! I found that once I moved out, I was bored. I was so used to chaos and drama, fear and worry. I am generally happier now, but I have to keep busy or I start feeling lonely. I hope it all works out for you. It's time to take care of you!!
And it's not going to involve housework of any sort...let's be clear about that....