The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After my pretty desperate post earlier this week, I wanted to share that I'm feeling more hopeful today! Not of my AH not drinking anymore (let go of that a while ago) but of my ability to manage my reactions better. Don't get me wrong, I know I still have a really long way to go, & I expect setbacks but I do feel I'm gaining tools to help me cope.
My mother-in-law gave me "the language of letting go" book many years ago before I recognised my AH as an alcoholic, but she recognised it & I'm so grateful for its wisdom even tho I'm still struggling to work it. Today I've decided to focus on the positives of the situation rather than the negatives. Yes AH went out & I felt consumed with anxiety, jealousy, lack of trust. But- even in this state i learned to turn off my phone, not check the clock, not question him the day after about where he had been. So although I was still in pain, it was a lot less than I've experienced previously & I'm proud of myself for that.
The next 2 days followed a similar pattern to normal when he's been on a binge, hides not want to do anything, eats loads of junk food, want's to drink again & seeks my permission (shall we share a bottle of wine, cuddle up & watch a film?" I maintained my boundaries & state I don't drink in the house, not giving or denying him permission.
what I know is that although I still have a very long way to go I have made some massive changes which are helping & I thank alanon & my mother-in-law for that!
I see a person in this share who is willing to change what she can - herself. That's so healthy! Good for you and for your mother-in-law who saw the problem and wanted to help you before you even knew you needed the help. To me, that is your HP looking out for you through the eyes, mind and heart of another person. If S/He brings you to it, S/He'll bring you through it. Keep going to meetings and coming back here, too.
Good Work Tash Small changed actions provide the power of change. Not reacting and doing the next right thing really is a fantastic tool of this program . Progress not perfection is the goal .
It is healthy to know ones feelings, accept them and take the best action for us in the experience. You did just that, well done. Your mother in law sounds like an angel for you. Prayers for a peaceful day.
