so why didn't he.... - Al-Anon Family Group

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

so why didn't he....

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree 100% We who understand the power of addiciton know as few others can, the despair and heartbreak of this disease. Prayers for all still suffering.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes, prayers for all....

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you, Debilyn for sharing that. You are so right. There is so much stigma attached to alcoholism, drug addiction and depression, that most of us who are affected by it are afraid to open up. Most of the "outside" world just doesn't get it. They don't understand that these are sicknesses. I became upset a few days ago b/c this person made the statement that her friend (who is a drug addict) just needed to "pull up her big girl panties, and get clean." If it were that easy, we would not have people who are dealing with drug addiction, alcoholism and depression. It's this kind of ignorance that makes me angry.

I pray for all who are suffering.

-- Edited by cloudyskies on Sunday 17th of August 2014 08:32:50 PM

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I was severely depressed at one time in my life. I can remember a friend bending over me as I lie on my back on a couch in my darkened livingroom. He said: "I know you are depressed and I think there is a part of you that enjoys it." I knew he cared about me and I was able to say, "It isn't because I enjoy it. I don't know how to get out of it." He kissed me on the cheek, told me he cared about me and what happened to me, and went home. I thought about what he had said after he left. I was glad that he was honest with me about what he truly thought about my being so depressed it felt like I was dragging 2500 pounds of weight off my couch day after day. I was also glad that he left me to find my own solution. He didn't try to fix me. He didn't judge me. He was honest and open and gentle with me. In time, I was able to begin to live again and it took the help of my HP to do that. Truth was, I didn't know how to get out of it and I didn't enjoy it. The depression was a power greater than I was and all my coping skills. I didn't need drugs as some people do. I did need the freedom to do what I was going to do to find my own solution. My solution was to ask for help from my HP because no human being could help me with the depression nor could I. I was glad he said what was true for him. It helped me say what was true for me in the company of a witness who didn't see himself to be my savior. He just saw himself to be my friend. That was enough. The rest of it was between me and my HP. I can never know what goes on in the mind or heart of another person. I can say that some of us do find a way out of the grip of alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, and some forms of mental illness. Some of us don't. I don't know why that is true. I do know that there is a very thin line between madness and health and all we can do is the best we can do with what we have to work with. The rest is up to each person's HP. I knew others didn't understand the depression that plagued me. I didn't understand it either. All I knew was that one person cared and loved me enough to let me wrestle with it in my own way and in my own time. I think that is what Al-Anon teaches, too? To do the best we can with what we have to work with and to leave the outcome in our HP's hands and to put our loved ones in their HP's hands, too, without condemning them or judging them or thinking there is anything we can really do to help them wrestle with their demons other than to care, to be honest with them, to be gentle when we speak with them, and then to leave them to find their own solutions with the help of their personal HP?

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

wonderful responses. (c:

I have people that I care about who suffer from difficult gender orientation. Born in a male body being female or f to m, gay people, no gender people, people with both genders and more.

Some how they came to me on fb. I mean I found them or hp sent them to me. I wanted to be a therapist for this kind of thing too. To help them to love and accept themselves as is.

I am as hetero as anyone can be. I just love peoples hearts. Talk about depression, confusion.

One very special person to me is Elgr. I just love him so much. f to m. I mean in a clean friendly way. I am honored to know him and see his strength and what he faces.

Alcoholism and drinking problems are rampant with these people trying to fit in, or trying to fix things.

Of course I want everyone to love themselves as is and do their best to live their life and have fun. Heck with those who don't care, are hateful. they are no one you want to know anyway. I believe in only one judge, HP.

Addiction has a special place in my heart. People affected by it also touch me. So raw, and real. Actually in so many ways so beautiful. Most working so hard to get thru such a horrible disease.

anyway thank you for responding. hugs hugs, debilyn

Luiza · Senior Member

Great thread.

blessed · Senior Member

Thank you so much for your openness and honesty. As one who did not buy into the disease, before AlAnon, (now I do), each day I am learning more and thinking differently. Of course when the A is deliberately, or not deliberately, just being mean to see if he can get a reaction I have to dig deep and apply what I know. But ther are those times I say (to self) "he's crazy." And he is, but .... well, you explained that already.

Even though I am learning and growing, I still have had to make the decision to remove myself from the home of the A. I am not mad, I am just done. I believe that I have to be away from the day-to-day oppression to get whole myself. And I do hope that when left to his own devices, w/o a caretaker he will see the truth and face his reality. But, from your post I do not hold out much hope for that as it is beyond his own control. However, God is not limited as humans are. So, if the A asks for help I know he will recieve it just as I did.

I so appreciate the honesty and the education I receive from my AlAnon peers. Thank you so much for being a light to so many that are, or have lived in darkness.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

So many self medicate their depression or mental health issues, it is sad that we are not more loving or supportive in this world. So many see it as a weakness and hide it away in shame. In our county we do not even have a mental health facility and it is needed so we send our suicidal kids 2 counties away and they have a wait list at all times. This is an important issue and reminds me to show love and understanding more to people. I love your heart Deb! Sending you love and support!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.