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Ok .. I think I know the answer for my situation however I am looking for some perspectives .. I am going to go off fully loaded if we have ANY more issues with this. If I do this there will be supervised visits going forward.
My STBX "forgets" what he has on his phone. My son who is 10, I'm an only child so sharing doesn't come easily to me .. my phone .. hands off .. there is nothing on my phone that I "worry about" in terms of if they saw pictures or websites I've been to it's no big deal. NOW .. that being said .. I do have messages from the STBX that I'm keeping and I tend to get freaked out because these are technically legal documents soooo NO .. I don't want someone accidently deleting anything so YES I get all weird in those terms.
STBX has been giving carte blanch to our son to grab his phone when he wants and do whatever .. he plays games and so on. They actually DID go to the movies to which our son promptly elbowed his dad and told him to wake up .. how do you sleep through an action movie? Whatever .. not my money .. I don't have to worry about it. Not the point of my post .. the point is .. when our son went to look for the app he went directly to Google to look it up at that point my STBAX became very agitated and started asking what he was doing, he had an app for that kind of comments. Well .. my youngest typed in youtube and up popped youporn .. NICE! So nothing changes .. NOTHING CHANGES his poor new girlfriend is also unaware he's still trolling dating sites so I guess they can't be THAT serious. Well in his mind right? I was shocked about the porn because all I have heard is him spouting about church and if we are going to church .. seems he needs to focus on his own behavior and leave whatever we are doing or not out of the picture. NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!!
Sooo .. my son getting on his Dad's phone and finding questionable sites .. is this something anyone has had experience with in terms of bringing up the fact that you are aware and I DON"T CARE what he does on his own time .. however .. have some COMMON SENSE! I know .. he doesn't and that's MY expectation .. how hard of a boundary do I draw .. because I'm telling you .... trust me .. if that was true he would be bleeding blue blood at this point and his head would be spinning like a top. Ohhh if I only had that kind of power every time the man lied his pants would catch fire!! His butt would always be showing! Seriously though .. he needs a reminder of my inner ligress? I would think he still had nightmares over the last go around.
My therapist was furious over what happened to my oldest last year and the porn pop up's active porn pop up's on the "family tablet" at his place. He said while he was unhappy about what happened to my daughter he would be more concerned with my son having it happen because boys minds are wired differently than girls and I can see that very clearly. Being that my son is pre-pubescent I really don't want his views of women being tainted in this fashion. We are a pretty G rated family (PG with an occasional PG13 when Mom gets irritated with Dad!) .. don't watch a lot of tv .. watch a lot of movies mostly things that are non sexualized .. sooo this would be VERY shocking to my son. My daughter is older and had sex ed, girl is an amazing artist and does faces and bodies .. she's my cultured girl. My son is just a lot more naïve in the true sense of the word and honestly .. I don't expect considering where we live for that to last much longer .. he's such a good little guy. I hate that his innocence will end so sharply .. he needs no help thank you especially from an active drunk who has switched it up to porn.
Anyone have any experience in this area??
Thanks ahead of time .. S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Serenity I too fall asleep in movies There is something about he quiet and the dark that puts me to sleep. The move may be boring as well.
I do not have experience with the problem of porn but I have a niece whose 16 year old son is always searching porn sites and over riding the parental controls. She is a college professor and is afraid to turn on her lap top in school because he may have and has over ridden the parental controls on the laptop and she is not sure what will appear.
Not sure of the solution but maybe ex could get the children their own game machines.
He has done that (my daughter has a laptop at our home and my son has a tablet .. they don't need MORE tech stuff) and since he lives with his mom (no internet) .. they don't want to spend the bulk of their time there .. honestly .. they know when Dad comes they go and do .. my personal feeling is that if he's not going to take care and clear his history and delete the sites they shouldn't see then neither kid needs to get on his phone.
LOL .. you don't go to the movies to hide from having a real conversation .. that's what he does it's a way to burn bulk time and not have to talk to the kids. I actually fell asleep in the Lego Movie .. I took my son and his friend .. they were poking me to wake up .. I just couldn't get into that movie. I can't spend that kind of money to take a nap .. LOL!
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
ha, I fall asleep too - I usually stay too busy and haven't slept well in three years, so when I stop moving, get comfy, eat popcorn till i'm full, warm, comfy and still, sleep happens. I've taken to letting it take me rather than fighting it because if I let it, it doesn't last as long, if I fight it, it takes my mind off the movie because its looming for so long.
What comes to mind with phone porn is my scary quiet mom voice - it usually comes out when i'm deeply upset about something but HAVE to talk about it (as opposed to not talking because I'm too upset). Both my kids would say that was when they were always truly scared of me. In the deep quiet scary mom voice I would probably say, short and sweet, "our son reports he found a porn site on your phone, do not ever let him use your phone again if you cannot delete your history to keep it from happening again". Sorry some men can't grow up, when I worked at a tavern I was amused at how many sat at the bar looking at their phones. Technology is wonderful eh?
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
LOL LMH .. we JUST went through a dance with the "green car" and my daughter looked at me and laughed .. she said Mom .. even I KNOW better than to argue with you when you get that look apparently Dad has been trained .. LOL! Sooooo .. yes .. that's what I'm thinking too .. I'm going to wait and talk to our son about it and just let him know .. no more dad's phone especially since Dad is up to old tricks. It's better to let it go. I WILL discuss it after visitation and I will bring it up during our "discussion" about the divorce decree .. I can really scare the crap out of him with that one. Especially since I have sat on it and THEN bring it up will bother him more. Sooo we'll see.
Hugs :)
PS - He probably wouldn't be so tired if he spent more time focused on other things outside his penis .. unfortunately that is how he gets his feel goods .. well that and alcohol and now it looks like THAT is turning into an issue.
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
My kids were always more prone to really hear me when I used the serious deadly calm voice (I sometimes accidentally scare my home daughter with it, "I have something I have to tell you" scares her to pieces, so I have to start differently, "nothing bad but, there's something I have to discuss with you") - ha, too bad I can't practice the sdcv till I use IT instead of flying off the handle and blowing the steam off instantly. My ex started to tell me how he didn't like it when I talked in a matter-of-fact tone of voice, well, that was when my emotions were out of it! Much easier to be deadly calm when the emotions are silent.
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Ohhh absolutely my oldest said Mom .. at least when you are yelling it means you haven't had time to think .. it's when you are calm that causes me to take pause of ut oh .. mom has been thinking about this issue .. LOL. I don't run around yelling .. LOL .. you know it's been a LONG day I'm dealing with will you stop touching me one more time .. LOL .. Mom .. sissy is looking at me is one of my favs .. LOL. I think my STBAX takes the same thought process only because you are right the ears go up much faster when it comes to those issues. I'm curious to see what happens today because he's informed the children he's driving the green car which means it needs to be registered and insured in his name or the kids no get in .. I have already had this conversation and that's how it's going to be. He's angry that I haven't backed down .. not my issue .. he has a record that's all I need to go to.
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I don't know what your custody arrangement is, but I would raise this with your lawyer or whoever deals with the custody arrangement.
I doubt that bringing up the situation with the ex will make any difference. If he were sensitive to this kind of situation, he wouldn't have porn on his phone or would make very sure there were parental controls that kept it away from anyone unauthorized. I think it's like driving drunk ... they may declare everything will be fine and they would never do it, but we know they're not reliable and their promises are worth little.
I'm a very, very lucky woman he's as .. I hate to use the word stupid .. maybe saying he's as sick as he is a better fairer thing to say .. he signed an agreement in which the kids get to say if they do visitation or not, when they leave and I have sole custody of the kids that's literally it in a nutshell. At this point the kids aren't doing overnights and do not want to do overnights, so at least I don't have to worry about drunk texting like there was in the beginning of this whole mess. That is the one part of the divorce that is signed sealed and delivered. Thank you Lord!!
I agree .. it is very much a situation of they know not what they do .. they just don't get it and it doesn't matter to them while they are in the throws of getting their latest feel goods. I say they referring to MY active STBAX and YES .. he promises everything and can't do ANYTHING. OR maybe it's about he does what HE wants to do .. I will pay for the green car issue today .. it was worth it to send a very clear message NO. This is NOT ok and I will NOT let you walk on me.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Ohhh if I only had that kind of power every time the man lied his pants would catch fire!! His butt would always be showing! 
Seriously though .. he needs a reminder of my inner ligress? I would think he still had nightmares over the last go around.