The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so glad to have found this forum! My father died of chirosis of the liver when I was 21 and he was 53. Now 14 years later I am seperated from my husband over my concerns with his drinking. He drinks daily and is in denial over his dependance on alcohol he thinks I am paranoid after losing my dad to this illness. I have two beautiful children who I need to put first and I cannot do that whist being constantly preoccupied with worry over my husband's drinking. So I have had to detach but I feel so guilty all the time, my husbands family blame me and wont acknowledge my concerns and my family clearly see the problem and want to protect me so think us being apart is for the best. I feel so torn any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thankyou for your reply. I know I will never go back to being in denial over his drinking even if he doesn't want to admit it. I guess I have to be strong and convince him that we will never live together as a family again until he addresses his drinking. I cannot handle the anxiety and fear I would feel everytime I would hear him opening a can of beer. I never realised how bad it was until we've been seperated and I have gained more perspective. I think I'm just trying to work out wether I have it in me to fight for our marriage and support him I honestly dont know.
we do not give advice in al anon we share are experiences and the programme and things we have tried it is up to you to try what you like and leave the rest.
I have learnt a lot about alcoholism since joining this programme I would suggest finding your nearest meeting and attending, the love and understanding in the rooms is amazing, I have found a second family.
People who really understand and will not judge, what you say in the room stays in the room.
we say try around 6 meetings before you decide if al anon is for your. Alcoholism is a family disease and it sounds like you have lived along side it most of your life.
keep coming back this really does work you will get your smile back.
You say you need to convince him that you won't live together until he addresses the drinking one way they try to control us is by refusing to believe or accept what we say. So if he's like my A, he will try to keep you entangled by arguing about it. What I found is that we can state our truth ("I just won't be able to live together while the drinking continues") and then refuse to engage in the arguments. (If he's like my A, they would include "You're so picky and critical no one could please you," "I've tried so hard for you and look what you're doing to me!", "You have a psychiatric disorder because you're so hypersensitive about normal drinking, you should get some help for that," "If I had a drinking problem, I'd need you to stand by me, not walk out just when I need help" ... etc.!)
But we can set our boundaries and follow through on them despite the manipulations of the drinker ... at that point they believe we mean business.
They also often declare they're going into recovery or are going to stop drinking on their own. Knowing what I know now, I'd wait until they had a good year (or even better, two) of recovery under their belt before getting back together. The slips in earliy recovery can be frequent and devastating. As always, what they do reveals a lot more than what they say.
Hi Carlie. Welcome to MIP. You have found a family of very supportive folks here. It sounds as though your husband's family are wonderful enablers. They want to blame you for not supporting your husband's drinking. Also, please know that you won't be able to save your husband from alcohol. You and he are both powerless over this drug. Until he's ready to get into a recovery program, you're fighting a losing battle. What you can do is help yourself. Find Al-Anon and attend their meetings. I love their slogan --Let go and let God. We all know what you are going through and dealing with because we have all been where you are.
Attend some meetings. Learn some of what the program teaches. Arm yourself with Al-Anon tools, and then you will be better able to decide your future.
Hang in there Carlie and take one day at a time.
Keep coming back.
((hugs))
__________________
Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Thankyou so much for your responses. I really do want to get to a meeting to really get things clear in my mind that I am not hypersensitive and paranoid about alcohol addiction like my husband almost convinced me of. My experience with my Dad just make me more aware of the devastating effects this awful addiction can have on someone and the way it can control you. Thanks everyone x
