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I am really sad about Robin Williams. I have noticed in the news how they keep saying "If you know someone with depression, there is help! Here's how to get it!" Well, that's all fine and dandy IF the person WANTS help! I know the media probably means well, I get it. But it just made me think about all those times I begged my AH to get help for his mental illness and drinking and he wouldn't. It was literally HELL for me when I would try to get him out of bed after being in it for 3 or 4 days. I felt like I was taking care of a 200 lb baby! We can only do so much. I would read from the AA big book to him. I had him talk to counselors on the phone. I had him call an AA friend. I would think of fun things we could do. Finally, I had to take him to the hospital. He finally went to an outpatient treatment program for around 8 weeks. That's the only thing he's done in our 11 year marriage to get help...besides go to a few AA meetings. He takes medication too...but I have learned I am powerless over alcoholism and mental illness too. We are not responsible for people who decide to take their own lives either. I am sure Robin Williams' family tried to help him too.
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Thursday 14th of August 2014 11:20:29 AM
I know what you are saying, NG, and I agree. If the person listening needs help and decides to get it, that's great! I also know that the expectations of families, spouses, sibs, friends to "get help" for their loved ones doesn't usually fit our experience of our loved ones' mental diseases or alcoholism or emotional disorders unless they are minors - and then there is no real help as I discovered when I tried to get help for my son as a young boy or when I tried to get him committed when he got older and was totally out of control and I knew it wasn't all due to drinking/drugging. I hate the fact that the media comes out with this idea that there is always help available for all people at all times and all it takes is their loved ones' telling them about the help available or taking them to it that will solve the problems. Never mind that insurance usually doesn't pay for long-term rehab or therapy and neither does Medicare or Medicaid with or without a supplemental policy. I can remember a commercial years ago with Carroll O'Connor telling people to get between their loved ones and drugs any way you can. Of course, that doesn't work and we still perpetuate the myth every time a public figure or the child of a public figure dies as a result of alcoholism/drug addiction/severe depression. Then, Vodka and beer commercials in "sexy" or "cool looking" containers show up later on on the same stations. Crazy making to me. Then, warnings about diabetes show up and the drugs we can take for that after the sugar is advertised in the form of booze. We haven't even scratched the surface of solutions for these allergies and brain dysfunctions yet. I do hope we will be able to help more than a small percentage of our population with these disorders one day.
What I think is deeply troubling is the media is blaming it all on him having depression. Yes, he was noted to more than likely be Bi-Polar, however his addiction disease is what got the best of him. If you listen and read some of what he has said in interviews, his comments are glaring that he didn't surround himself with the fellowship, he didn't really reconcile with his immediate family when he did have 20 years clean, he dry drunked it so to speak and he had some co-depend issues for sure. Saying things like I never feel fulfilled, I will never be good enough are huge red flags of the disease. It's an utter sadness that such a beautiful, genius mind would not have the ability to love himself, he was not able to come to terms with "To thine own self be true". It's heartbreaking.
Although everyone wants to say he had money to get the help he needed, the fact of the matter is it doesn't matter if I had twenty more dollars in my pocket then he had, the disease of addiction doesn't care about money, looks, race, sex or even if you are an alien, once it gets you, you either arrest it by maintaining a strong recovery program or you don't. There is always help out there for those that reach out for it, these rooms and those of AA are proof in the pudding. Folks in these rooms guide us to get even more help when they see it's needed by making suggestions. The big book takes on reaching for more help when you realize you need help such as that of a physician, medication etc.
If only the media would stop side-stepping all of these persons that are in Hollywood that have killed themselves because of the nature of the beast, Alcoholism/Addiction. I know that if my AH killed himself because of his disease, he would be called a junkie, a loser what ever, but because it is someone in the public eye, folks are encouraged to think it's about depression, which is true, but if we think hard on this, he had depression or mental illness, he self-medicated, even with every resource available to him in the world right at his finger tips, he still didn't get it or probably really want it. Yes, he did some amazing public service work, but was it really because in his heart of hearts he knew service work to others is what kept his recovery strong, or was it just to look good, or try to fulfill that void he so often mentioned.
It is a sad loss, it however for me was a good reminder of just how powerful this disease is, not just for the Active A, Recovering A, but for those of us affected by the disease as well. May his family find peace and serenity after such a loss, may God welcome Robin Williams into the kingdom of heaven so that he may for once be at peace.
__________________
Linda
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries
Great ,thoughtful,and insightful post NLG We who have lived with the insanity of this disease understand as few others can.
Robin William, like many alcoholics, had all the help available at his fingertips . He had just returned from weeks in Hazelton in early July-- and still could not overcome his demons.
We, the Media included, like to believe that we are all powerful and in control. We who have accepted the reality of this disease know otherwise.
I agree with everything you've all said. I saw my therapist this morning, and she said that 7 patients she'd treated previously but hadn't seen for a while had called her this week to start therapy again, and she thought that Robin Williams' death had been the impetus. What's so frightening to me is that here's someone who knew his demons. He'd struggled with mental illness, struggled with addiction, had been through treatment and recovery more than once, had the resources and support to help himself again...and he STILL couldn't do it. That's how strong addiction and depression are. Stronger than almost anything. Obviously, people die from their disease (whether by their own hand or by its progression or "accidentally") every single hour of every day, but seeing someone who "had it all" fall...well, that just shines a light on the darkness. But it won't help, because in so many cases, there just IS NO help to be had...even though it's there waiting. When the disease is that powerful and deep, the A can't take the help. It's like starving to death at a Vegas buffet, so to speak. Ugh.
It's just a daily reprieve - not just for our loved ones but for us. I am grateful for this day. Grateful for the program. Grateful for the fellowship and my sponsor. Grateful for MIP. Grateful for all of you here today. Sending you cyberspace hugs and peace today.
Newlife Girl. What I think EACH time I hear a media head saying, "Someone knew and should have done something....." It takes me back a few years when we had adopted two foster children. For the early years they had issues, but we were able to manage them w/ diet, counselors, etc. Then puberty hit, and ALL HELL BROKE LOSE. It was a long three years of begging DCS and anyone else I could think of to HELP! The written threats to kill me, the physical abuse I endured at their hands and on & on & on wasn't enough to do anything. They had not committed a crime. Really? I lived as a prisoner in my own home.
During this time is when my spouse turned to alcohol, and I turned to social services. It was a very tough time. Eventually, we had to unapt them but our marriage was over by that point, and now I just had an AH.
So, when you hear those people saying about a "kid" that just went into a school or theatre and shot it up, that someone should have helped; dismiss it as bunk. In most cases people were trying to help, but the person w/ the problem didn't want help and until they do there isn't much anyone can do.
Thanks for bringing this truth to the front of the room.
Only one of the things I learned about alcohol as a mind and mood altering drug was that it was a chemical depressant and then I came to understand. I learned about it's other powers and abilities also and when the course work was done I found myself right back at the first half of the first step "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol..." I nodded to the description of "cunning, powerful and baffling" and much much more that we learn in the rooms and finally settled on the wisdom of Dr. Paul on page 449 of the 3rd edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous which in part only reads, "And I have come to understand that acceptance is the solution to all of my problems..." I then sat and listened more intently to those members of the Al-Anon Family Groups who spoke of the passings of the alcoholic and addict family members and the innocent victims of the disease and came to understand the gift of quiet acceptance and the awareness of powerlessness. The sadness and grief disappear or don't reveal themselves when I participate with gratitude for the great positives which were shared between the victims and ourselves.
My wife was talking to me about this subject and wondering if indeed there had been a "note" left or not and none was mentioned and I told her that if one was found I could easily imagine the two words that would be on that note. She could not guess the two words I was thinking of and when she asked I said "Nanu Nanu" and turned the page of the paper. On the next page was the editorial cartoon showing a couple watching television with those two words being aired "NANU NANU". Whatever problems he might have had he sure had the power to distract my mind, body, spirit and emotions from the fatal nature of this disease. (((((Robin Williams)))))
Thanks Jerry F (and all the other wonderful posts). When I hear, in meetings, few others understand this disease as those who have lived with it; it helps me to not try to get others to understand my dilemma; they can't. I have to work it out w/ my HP (God). He is the only One that truly knows what is going on in my home and in my heart & I don't have to convince Him of anything - He knows. I was one that didn't buy into the whole disease thing, prior to AlAnon, but have now come to accept that it is truly a disease that the A, at some point, it not in control of anymore than I am, and it makes my recovery possible.
The story of R.W. also helps me to see my life in that my AH has a "public & professional" face & is likeable, personalable and people like him. But, the AH is not any of those things inside our home. He leads a double life that is polar opposites. It is cunning and baffling to me, but I accept that it is what it is.
