The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Then he called me several times last nite and this morning early i don't answer his calls he finally texted me this morning early 4:30 am and texted and what I was doing that he missed me.i did text back finally and said really after all the pain you caused me he texted back naw I was just saying that ,well we been texting back and forth I dont text anything to let him think he can come back I just told him that I glad he got him a place to live.he said he was too.even though I know it's not a stable place for him it's with his life long friend it never worked out for him there in times past they don't get along for very long. Esh plz I'm not and can't allow him to come back here to live I have to be married it's,my faith and beliefs.he said he came by this morning to see if I would go eat breakfast with him I wasn't home.
What do you think is happening, LU? Is there a reason why he might be calling you several times at night and then texting you at 4:30 a.m. or coming by to take you to breakfast that might be a benefit to him? You know him and you know the pattern. Is there something you can change that might benefit you and help you take care of yourself?
Hi looking up, I am not surprised that your friend is calling and texting. If your principles are being compromised, in this relationship then it will be impossible for you to find happiness with this person. If living with someone without being married is against your principles and then placing principles above personalities is a very very important tool for you to remember.
I know that for years I would place personalities before my principles and then wonder why I was confused and my life was not working. If I liked you I ignored all the negative actions that you took pretended all was well, and denied the reality of how I felt. Al-Anon gave me the courage to look at my principles, validate my beliefs and refuse to compromise them in any situation.
Again I suggest that you write out your asset list and what principles you believe. Putting them on paper helps you know yourself and your needs. Hope you're feeling better
The only way I finally stopped the madness is when I stepped back and didn't respond. I tried for so many years to think "what if and maybe if I did this or said that something would change" When I let go is when things changed for ME.
It's not easy but it can be done.....and life can be peaceful.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
You're re-engaging with him where has that led in the past?
He's trying it out: "Will she do what I want, if I contact her again? If I bug her? Yes, she will! Now I'll ask for the next thing ... and the next thing ... and the next thing ..." They ask until we put our foot down. They keep trying it on. If we say No, they try it on extra hard, until they see we mean it.
Are you missing the craziness? I have a sense that you are. How did it really feel? Familiar? Distracting?
I always felt that if there was some contact, there was some hope. It was hard for me to give up on the idea that all he had to offer was pain.
Sounds to me as though he is fishing, dangling bait to see how you'll react. And why would he be doing that in the middle of the night??!! Ugh!
How many good things can you organise for yourself over the next few days so that you can experience some good things in life that don't involve him? Can you find out how it feels to allow some more positive energy in your life for a few days?
