First Post - Last Hope - Al-Anon Family Group

Button · Newbie

First Post - Last Hope

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Button, (((Hugs)))) and welcome to MIP, there are lots of wonderful people here who will understand what you are going through so well.
I'm pretty sure you are not alone! I've done all that crazy thinking and it is only my husband who drinks. I love the self awareness in your post and I like the idea that you are valuing your current relationship enough to reach out. I'm sure that you have the tools to lick this type of thinking.

For me, and my situation is not the same as yours, I found meditation and yoga helped me to quiet my brain long enough to actually feel what I was feeling. I have also had some counselling. Learning to trust in HP, or fate, whatever that means to one, and trusting myself more have also helped me.

My mother was not an alcoholic but she did have a complete nervous breakdown so I can relate a bit to that sense of childhood fear of abandonment and the anger that comes with it. I love that you are young and that you are investing in learning these lessons now, with so much ahead of you. I'm twice your age and have only just started to address some of these feelings!

You are about to start hearing some fabulous advice, and will soon see how much we all share.

Button · Newbie

Thank you for your reply.

I have been in counselling on and off for 10 years, but always dealing with relationship problems. Funnily enough, about 5 years ago when a previous therapist tried to touch on home life and growing up, I panicked and stopped going to the sessions.

In 2011 I met a man who was a narcissist and wore me down to absolutely nothing with his emotional and eventual sexual abuse. I left him in 2012 and started counselling again which is still going now.

I am an atheist so for me, HP comes from elsewhere, but I haven't identified where yet... Inside perhaps or from the strength of a good support network, or both. Either way, and it may be hard for some of you to read, God is not my answer, and hasn't been for some years.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Button welcome to Miracles in Progress. I salute you for having the courage and clarity, to identify the possible cause of your difficulties in relationships.

Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease that affects the entire family, AA is a recovery program for the alcoholic and Al-Anon, ACOA(adult children of alcoholics) and Alateen are the recovery programs for the families). We who live with the disease develop negative coping mechanisms that work in the alcoholic chaos, but once we are attempting to use the same tools out in the world we fail.

People pleasing, caretaking, manipulating, denial and pretend, are tools that I developed in my family of origin. These tools made me invisible and others needs all important . Becasue I was always focused on others I was unable to take care of myself. Without the help of Al-Anon I would have continued being confused and attempting to solve my problems with destructive unworkable tools.

I am so glad you reached out. Al-Anon and ACOA have face-to-face meetings in most communities. The hotline number can be found in the white pages. Both programs are based on the 12 steps and traditions of AA. It is up to you to decide which group you are more comfortable in.

Al-Anon AA and ACOA are spiritual programs. They do not ask that you believe in anything except to identify a power greater than yourself.

I used the principles and tools of Al-Anon as my higher power and that worked very well. You are not alone and there is hope.

Please keep coming back

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

welcome. I find this comes from lack of self love. When we love and appreciate ourselves we don't question others like this. I make it clear in a relationship that if you cheat or think about it, move on first. I don't need the drama and don't deserve it.

Lots of negative boloney can be stopped by a simple trick,that takes awhile to really get it to be part of us. I learned to say stop, in my head them put in everything is ok. Or I a ok just how I am. keep it simple like that. In less than a year I found I NEVER say negative things about me in my head, or think negatively.

I am comfy in my own skin, its so freeing. I did a lot of self work with books, got out there and volunteered, went back to college...

what would make me think anyone would treat me wrong? I like me, so I make sure I am with people who do like me as I am.

acoa is a great group, books etc to help ones who's parents are As.

I had NO reason but media etc to be so unloving of my self. I have remained strong and like me for many many years now.

You are willing to do the work, you can do this! love you enough to do some self work. hugs

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.