Some advice for a active drinker - Al-Anon Family Group

Aimshaws · Newbie

Some advice for a active drinker

Luiza · Senior Member

Hello! Glad to know you have your husband's sibilings on your side. It is a chalenging situation, I am sorry you are going through this. Does he have access to a phone or other people there where he is?

Aimshaws · Newbie

Yes he has a phone and a friend is close. I hate to involve her, though she does know everything

Luiza · Senior Member

He is an adult. Wether he will keep drinking or seek help is his decision to make. You can go get him or send someone else, you can change his location if you want to, but he still going to do what he is going to do. Did you ask your friend to look after him or help him? She can make her decision to get involved or not, don't feel bad about it. I know it is so tough, and I'm not the best to give ESH, but I know that you need to live your life and focus on yourself first. I'm sure people will be here soon with good input. (((Hugs)))

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Aimshaws , Welcome to Miracles in Progress. Alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disease over which we are powerless. You did not cause it, cannot control it, and cannot cure it.. Alcoholics are extremely resourceful and if he has a phone he has a way to get more alcohol or call for help.

You followed up on your decision to leave if he drank again and did just that. Now it is important to keep the focus on yourself, your needs, your decision and let go of worrying about him.

Living with the disease of alcoholism affects each person who comes in contact with it. AA is the recovery program for the alcoholic and alanon , ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) and ala teen are the recovery program for the family members. I urge you to search out meetings and attend. It is here that I relearned how to keep the focus on myself, rebuild my self esteem and self worth , live one day at a time, and connect with others who could offer me the support I needed to recover
Keep coming back here as well You are not alone

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I would say none of it is your responsibility. He is a grown man and when he sobers up he can find a ride home, to detox, wherever...

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm with the others.......when my son was so bad I thought it was my responsibility to help. After a year being here I was able to let go and guess what .....He found a way. I even let him walk home after a visit to the hospital. When he called all mad I just said " good for you son you got home". Love you bye.

(((( hugs )))

Aimshaws · Newbie

thanks everyone. I appreciate the support

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

we need a like or me too button. I totally agree with others. adult, they are not stupid. I saved my first husband so many times. did zero good. he got himself killed being drunk and ran over.

whatever happens does. we have to let go let hp no matter what. If they were non a and not using, they would not want you to ruin your life for them. hugs and welcome.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

I would agree that you have no responsibility for him. My AH once begged me to take him to the hospital after I moved out he drank too much and wanted to go to the ER. I refused to take him, I was done dealing with his relapses. He managed to take a taxi to and from the hospital. They are big boys..they can figure it out without our help.

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

,

Hi and welcome

I can only share my experience this is not advice take what you like and dump the rest.

My ABF has just slipped after two years sober, he has previously had a 6 and 9 moth sobriety stints.

I have been in al anon learning about alcoholism and its impact on him and us as a family for a few years, thank GOD!!!

I would suggest getting to meetings, coming on here as much as you can, get phone numbers from people in meetings for support and get some al anon literature, this will all help YOU.

in al anon we say detach with love my partner is an adult with an illness he is not a bad person I have compassion yet I have learnt that when he is drinking I have to protect myself, Therefore when he drinks I get out of they way I do not like to watch.

He has just drunk and broke some boundaries I have set to protect myself, I can not be in a relationship with him when he is drinking. On his last slip I got out the way his disease progressed it took a couple of months for him to hit a bottom when his mum had finally had enough to. He ended up really mentally ill and homeless feeling suicidal. He reached out to me rang me I had to do the hardest thing and tell him I loved him but could not help him he needed to help himself only other alcoholics could do that, he decided to ring someone from AA. Now he is drinking again and I am getting out of the way and dealing with my own feelings, sorting my own life and getting to meetings as much as I can for love and support.

I hope this helps hugs Tracy xxxx

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with the others. Save your life and he can save his, if he chooses.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.