Well, I'm here. - Al-Anon Family Group

Umbra · Member

Well, I'm here.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Umbra I am happy to meet you and wish to welcome you to Mracles in Progress I am pleased that you have found us and are planning to attend alanon face to face The program works when we work it and takes time and effort.
Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease over which we are powerless.. It is evident that you understand this concept and have decided to keep the focus on yourself. It is interesting that when I did this ,Itoo discovered that I had lost myself in this disease and needed help to regain my self-esteem and self-worth.

It is a process that you have just begun and are at the beginning. When I was at that point, I found that the slogans worked well for me. When I became anxious or upset, I recited the serenity prayer over and over until calm was restored. If I had a difficult assignment, I would again pray for courage and wisdom, remind myself to stay in the moment, not to project, let go and let God and keep it simple these little gems of wisdom worked wonders.

You are not alone

sunshine23 · Veteran Member

Keep coming here. It has worked wonder for me. I was angry, resentful, manipulative, and all the horrible things I never thought I could become. Beside him veering to the "darkside" with his drinking, I was veering even faster with my sane mind. I always focus on what is going to happen to him if he ... but the more important question I should have asked myself was happening to me. Just like I want him to cling to aa, I also need to cling on Al-anon and God.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

You are sick becuz it is only natural we will be concerned about the AH in our life. At first it all seems like he is very sick. Well so get well!

Not curable. "Getting Them Sober" is a great book. Toby Rice Drew. volume one. My Bible when it comes to Addiction.

He craves alcohol from the second he wakes up and is planning how to get it or sneak it or whatever. Once they lose a job, that is usually it. They are too sick to go get another one, how would they work their drinking into that?

So its up to us. Myself, i told him I am not supporting you. In his life before he was on program, he was very good looking, nice man, played in a very good band, one of the best guitarists of our time. drugs killed his friend he played music with, they were up and coming in California.

so he had women only glad to live with him or more take him in. He is a parasite. Even now he moved in with one of his moms friends! much older woman who is on her death bed, babysitting him.

they will never save us, got work, pay us back etc. they are too sick.

The more we baby them the happier the disease is as it has it easy to drink. For the a to get where they can go into program, they have to hit a certain place in their disease to do this. They cannot just choose it. Even if they do go into recovery, relapse is almost always inevitable. this is why we develop our own lives, not base our life on them.

Of course he is drinking. Unless you handcuff yourself to him, he is going to drink. even then when you do release yourself, first thing he will do is use. is the nature of the disease.

The hope comes in when we learn to take care of ourselves and learn to accept him or her as is, and live our life. Which most cannot or will not do. I was in no way going to live like that since my A got dangerous to live with from brain damage.

I hope you keep coming, mip has helped hundreds if not thousands of people over the years. Many of us now are learning to live as happy as we can with them gone.

I was working full time and in college full time when I married the a. bought my home, new pick up payed for, old fun jeep, money in the bank. Lost everything.

so no way will I ever go back and have not remarried. Had enough. love cannot always keep you in this kind of relationship. hugs

Luiza · Senior Member

Hello Umbra. I can relate to your share, I feel I have lost myself too. I spent far too many time focusing on my husband drinking. Just yesterday I was remembering how happy, fun, funny, confidente and friendly I was once upon time, before the alcohol nightmare in my life. When I search inside myself now, there is so much anger, resentment, fear, shame, despair. Where is the Love? I am quite new to the program and I have been to only two f2f meetings, they were extremely helpful. Here at this forum and at meetings, you will meet people who truly understand you, won't judge you and will love you. It is so simple but so amazing. I am so grateful I have now Al-Anon and MIP as part of my life. (((Umbra)))

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Umbra:

You are not alone. What helped me when I got to the point you have described (lost myself, daily chaos and drama) were some of the suggestions from hotrod. I would say slogans and the serenity prayer like mantras until I could get some clarity in my brain. Going to Alanon meetings (even the first couple of meetings when I sat there and only cried) helped immensely. For a while I carried One Day at a Time in Alanon in my purse and just knowing it was there gave me strength. Eventually I started working with a sponsor and working the steps and that has made a huge difference in my life.

It is terrible and exhausting to know someone we love is being manhandled by this disease. Sending you much support and strength--and glad you came here.

(((((Umbra)))))

Mary

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Umbra, when I first found Al-Anon I felt like Humpty-Dumpty smack down on the pavement after falling off the wall. The view from the base of the mountain I had to climb was unfathomable so I tried not to look up. Head down and one foot in front of the other I faked it through towards the other side. Am I there yet? No, but the steps are easier, I am happy again and stronger for the future. My #1 slogan was 'He's going to drink, or not, what are you going to do?' Other favorites: when in doubt, do nothing and How important is it?

Almost forgot to include my other #1 favorite slogan - what you think of me is none of my business! (I claim the right to as many favorites as I like!)

Umbra · Member

Thanks everyone. I'm waiting for my first meeting to start. I'm half an hour early :) I started reading How Al-Anon Works last nigh, and I ordered a couple others off amazon. For the first time in a long while I'm hopeful.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Great start!!! Let us know how the meeting went

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Umbra, so good to have you with us

Like you I was motivated to change because I did not like the way that I was beginning to think. MIP and Alanon have been such a huge benefit in my life, helping me to learn new ways of reacting and to look after myself and, most important of all, the value of having fun!

Umbra · Member

Thanks everyone :) My first meeting went well. It was a very small group, and low and behold a pretty good acquaintance was there for her first meeting as well. We both took comfort in knowing that we were there for the same purpose. To get well. I'm going to another one tomorrow night at a different location. School starts back up next week, so the only time I'd be able to go to the one from today is when I'm off on Mondays. I've been smiling for the past couple hours. REALLY smiling. Not just faking it. When AH got upset that I was going this morning and kept saying we this and us that I just told him that this wAsnt about him. This was about ME. Boy did it feel good.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Cograts Umbra

Love that you are smiling and know that this recovery is all about you. You are on your way.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Umbra. I recommend "Discovering Choices". It's a good al anon book. The daily readers like Courage to Change are good too. So is the Daily Forum...a magazine. I understand what you're going through. My AH got fired in March. He hasn't worked since January. It's so hard for me to accept this. I moved out in March. I am on my own with very little help from him. I understand your pain. Going to meetings, reading al anon hooks and finding a sponsor will help a lot. My sponsor is like a second mom to me. Also...having a higher power helps a lot...which it sounds like you already have one...so that's great.

Keep coming back!

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Glad to hear your first meeting went well. What's I ronic for me is that my AH encouraged me to go to Al Anon. But the outcome is one I don't think he expected. I left him. Some of us stay with the A, some of us don't. I couldn't do it anymore. This is too hard without al anon. Glad you're smiling!!

-- Edited by Newlife girl on Tuesday 12th of August 2014 01:21:59 AM

NL14 · Veteran Member

Welcome, Umbra. So glad you've found MIP and have started going to meetings. Both help so much. I'm new to the program, too--have been going to meetings for about a month and a half, and in that time I've felt so many changes inside myself. The literature is great, too. Telling your AH that this is about you is an amazing first step to detaching and taking care of yourself first--it's like the oxygen mask on an airplane: You have to put your own on first. Best of luck to you and keep coming back.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome! I see a difference in you already and that is after one meeting wink Keep coming back, the program of al anon works if you work it and you are worth. Much of what you hear may not make sense, yet, but stay in your meeting seat and it will! I used to get a kick out of hearing "if after 6 meetings, you decide this is not for you, we will give you back your misery" biggrin

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.