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17 years ago; my ex left me and his son penniless & I mean penniless. He was ruthless and drug me through the courts for years until, finally, a judge dismissed his case on he didn't have a case; other than letigious harassment (using the court system to harass another person). $$$$
Now, as #2 is kicking me out; okay, not really; he has driven me to leave; #1 is helping me w/ my (and his) son's college needs & paying for half of a truck I bought him last month (that still is not done so I am not counting my chickens before they hatch). I was reminded of the 5 long years of legal wranglings w/ him as I am cleaning out the storage area and came across the full container of legal docs, depositions, orders,........ My son just took those to UPS to be shredded. So, I can tell you that if I survived that, this is a cake walk. I am more mature, wiser, stronger and not totally penniless, as I was then.
My son said, "We will get through this mom, we did it before and we will do it again." Love that boy (young man).
I invited my AH down to the storage area w/ me to go through the stuff. He was so distraught (sarcasm implied) that he had to leave the house when we were done. My son said, "I guess he needs a drink after that."
-- Edited by blessed on Saturday 9th of August 2014 10:47:57 AM
-- Edited by blessed on Saturday 9th of August 2014 10:51:44 AM
You are stronger and you will get through this! I just sent you a PM while you were posting this, LOL. Hang in there and hold tight to your Higher Power!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Isn't it ironic that a week ago, it seemed like August would fly by; and how would I possibly get all this done? It has come to a screeching halt.
Today, I am practically packed except for day-to-day essentials; movers are scheduled; storage is set up; my sister will meet the movers as they will get there before we do; I have the hotel booked for my trip to Florida just a day after the move, and now we are kind of just sitting (amongst boxes) waiting. Hurry up and wait is the theme for today.
Unfortunatly, the "easy" financial agreement is anything but, as my AH is not disputing much of it. He keeps giving these random, non-discript "deals" and I just say, "send it to my atty." To which he replies, "we could save $ and do this ourselves." LOL! Sure we can.
When my son said, "Just 19 days mom" I about fell out of my chair. 19 days? Really? That seems like eternity from where I sit. Seriously, I could move today. Well, except I have to train my replacements at work and would not stiff my wonderful employer. No way. No how. Last week they told me, "We are relaxing our expectations because after you spoiling us, we know we are settling no matter what." That was nice. But, I found a lady that I think is going to knock their socks off, and make me look bad. lol! Not really, but she is really good. I don't want my move to be hard on them; they have been so good to me.
-- Edited by blessed on Saturday 9th of August 2014 11:15:03 AM
The wrangling usually has nothing to do with the finances. I'm glad the gal who is going to work for your current employer looks good to you and that everyone there is helping you know how much they care about you. 19 days and almost finished with everything needed to make your move. Wow! You are efficient as well as courageous.
Your son seems really strong, God Bless Him. You seem so strong, yourself. I pray our HP will give you strength and guidance to do what you need to do.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
I won't lie; I am a little bit concerned entering the job market as a single, 50 year old woman. My current job is great; but I don't "have to" work so there is no pressure to bring home the bacon. That will all change here in a few weeks. But, dwelling, worrying, freting, etc. is not going to change the facts.
I just love how I got this job - I was not even looking. This was my doctor, and I guess I was a great patient (did what I was told). I had great success and healing w/ him. At the time I was a SAHM homeschooling a high schooler. Not much involved there really, they pretty much school themselves at that age. But, my doctor and his wife invited me to come and be their diet coach one day at week. Since my son did not drive that would be hard to do as he has to go places. They were persistent and we worked out the details and I started working one day a week. $100 a week, it was great. That led to more days-- and after my son got his license and could get himself around I added another day. I did that for a year; then last Sept. the office manager left w/o notice & I was put there to hold down the fort until someone could be found. (I was an Exec. Admin in my career prior to motherhood). Well, I was now a diet coach one day a week and office manager the rest of the week, with Fridays off. Cool. I hired a few others to help me, and we made a great team. It is five minutes from my house, and I loved it. It is very sad to leave. That job was handed to me on a silve platter straight from my HP.
I am still living ONE DAY AT A TIME as much as I can - except when I have to make decisions for something in a few weeks, etc.
My strength comes from the Lord, my HP. When I am weak; He is strong. Today, again, I cried a bucket of tears during church. It feels so good to get that out; but I need to remember to bring tissue. lol! Before I even look for a job, I will look for a church - that is my foundation.
Thanks so much for your support and encouragement. It really does give me a boost. And it helps me so much to put my thoughts on paper (computer) and just see if I am crazy, or somewhat in order. I think I somewhat in order.
Today, I helped my son wax his truck, and told him, "This does not make me happy. I would much rather be married, stable and all that; but ..." he said, "If you ever do this again, I am old enough to approve. You can't go through this again." For now, I can't imagine even thinking about it, plus I will be legally separated for 6 months anyway. Time to settle, grieve, grow."
Grateful2Be. I will be so glad to be back to the south where I can grow a plant (or flower). I used to think I had a green thumb until I moved the the arctic. (aka VA).
I used to have a full house and yard full of pretty plants, butterfly garden, etc.; and up here I have two indoor plants that I barely keep alive during the winter, until spring. It must be the indoor heat or something. And of course most of the outdoor plants are dying (hybernating) so it is pretty lifeless here (plant wise) for many months. It is a very depressing place to live October-March.
I like the saying, "I will grow where I am planted." That helps to keep me focused.
We have moved a few times because of my husband's employment. I pakced up and went whereever he found work. But, along the way he found bourbon, then vodka. The past few years have been tough (growing where I am); it is like the hybernating plant in the winter. During the day I was growing when I was in a positive environment, helping others, etc., but in the evenings where I was either ignored or told how awful I was, it was hard to "grow". I was just surviving. That is no good.
So, thank you for the gentle reminder to "grow" wherever you are. :)
It's funny, Blessed, how I see VA and I see something different than you do. I love that area of the country! My mom has a half acre garden where she grows everything under the sun that I can't grow here in Arizona. She harvests blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, tomatoes, tomatillos, sweet potatoes(hers are 11 inches long now), cucumbers, corn, melons, peppers, onions, and tons of herbs. She also has an orchard and grows apples, cherries, and peaches and she even has a persimmon tree right in front of her front porch. They shoot the deer and turkeys on their property and they exchange meats with friends who raise other types of animals like goat or sheep.
I would love to live back in VA and not be out here in the desert heat. It will be 105 with 30% humidity today! Blech! And, our winters are actually pretty cold, too, so it's like we only have two seasons: HOT as heck and chilly. I have tried growing things out here but the sun's intensity is so difficult to plan around and the reflected heat off of buildings and walls can make it hard, too. Also, we don't have rain so we have to supplement from our hoses. Right now, the water coming into the house will burn your hands even with the faucet turned to COLD, LOL! I managed a small herb garden for a few years and I did tomatoes but I had to do a raised bed because our soil is extremely caliche and hard as a rock with no drainage.
Now, with that said: I had to do what Grateful said above: grow where I am planted. I have lived here for 19 years, I thought it was just a temporary thing we were doing to just see the west coast and then we'd be back in the mid-atlantic some day. It didn't work that way and I found myself getting resentful. I am learning to accept that this is where my HP wants me and that if I just pray to be in God's will, then things will come together as they should.
Praying that your journey is blessed and that you find solace along the way as you change locations, etc. My aunt left VA and moved to St Marys, GA (just outside of Jacksonville) and she and her husband love it down there. They, too, felt that Northern VA was the arctic, LOL!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
The other day when I was driving, I felt a sudden overwhelming sadness. A huge cloud was gathering around me. After a few seconds, I saw a rainbow poking right out of the cloud. Not a full semicircle rainbow but just the tip. It was enough to make my day. I am reassured that no matter how dark it may feel, God will pull through. "It is well with my soul"
((Blessed)) It's almost as if the good opportunities were waiting to leap to you the minute you made changes- beautiful! I have expanded the Alanon slogan - you can start today over any time- to I can start my life over at any time, and have found this helps me let go of the past. Wishing you wonderful things as you step forward towards something better.
Days are hard right now; I am ready to leave, and stil have 17 days - feels like an eternity. Work is crazy. Training new people & keeping up the work load is just overwhelming me. My heart is pounding each day and trying to keep hands from shaking and trying not to just bust out in tears.... But, in a few weeks I will be unemployed, and have plenty of time to sit and cry - but no time for that today. It stinks be an adult sometimes.
God is so good to put people in your life just when you need them. The lady I am training was just telling me, "You have have so much energy, you are smart and so marketable. You are not going to have any problem getting a job and they will love you." It reminded me that I have to lot more going for me than not going for me. And when this weight is off of my shoulders, I will be able to give even more as I won't be weighed down w/ so many emotions. These As really do take the life out of us; even we are working the program and trying not to allow that to happen. I am content w/ just God; and need to be content w/ me. I suppose this is a good time to work step 4. :)
All weekend the AH was trying to "cut a deal", but today, I sent him a generous counter offer (giving up quite a bit to get the heck out of here), and NO RESPONSE. Each time I think he will be just an ounce of normal I am reminded it is ALL ABOUT HIM. No matter what I offer, he is going to ignore it. If I offered the same exact thing as him, he would refuse it just to be ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). It really is like being w/ a rebellious child. Even if it was in his best interest (which this was) he is not going to do what I ask, or suggest. He needs to feel as if he in control. I am willing to "make a deal" on alimony and take a cash buyout; because if he loses his job I will not get alimony anyway. Our original deal was exactly 50/50 so he would be smart to take my lower offer; but he is not smart.
I am saying, "hello" and "good-by" to the A. Sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn't. I just go about my business.
The lady I hired is a young widow. Her husband was quite a bit older than her. The story she told made me know how very fortunate I am. She had five children, the youngest being 4 when her husband died of a heart attack. He was a doctor, but did not care for himself. They had no healthy isn. or life ins. and when he died she had about $200 in the bank. Her youngest is now 10. So for six years she has kept things up as "single mom" mode. Wow! I was very impressed, and encouraged by her strength & love for her babies. She works several part-time jobs juggling a young one in school, and older ones in community college. Wow! Wow! I haven't got anything to complain about; not one thing.
Good-night ladies & gents. Have a wonderful evening, and great Tuesday.
Almost every man I have worked with - most non-As - like being the idea person. I just put my idea out there and it's pooh-poohed, ignored, second guessed - and then I wait. My idea will show up at some point coming from the mouth of one of the men who ignored it. Sometimes it takes longer than other times but the idea gets used. Sometimes, its slightly altered. But its my idea all the same. I let it be his because there is no use arguing whose idea it is. I just know what I put out there is being utilized and that pleases me. You said what you meant. You meant what you said. You didn't say it mean. Maybe the final outcome hasn't happened yet?
I would think the job market in Florida would be open to folks in your field? Of course, I've never been there, so what would I know? Still, health care is such a big deal now - and baby boomers will be or are the largest percentage of consumers of it. I'd see a big possibility for employment for you in something like this? 50 and healthy and smart and skilled can go a long way for you.
grateful2b. You are so right. I have always heard that about men in general. Thanks for the reminder.
I am heading to Atlanta. We left Florida 5 years ago because of a bad job market - and it hasn't recovered a lot since then. You can buy a house cheap, but that is because there is a lot of high paying jobs. Atlanta is healthy on jobs, and housing is affordable. I should be able to get a small house for under $150k; and make a decent salary.
The A did come back last night and accept my offer, but then wanted me to do all the work to make that happen. It is in the legal realm right now and I can not be him in negotiations. He has an order he has to answer, either by himself or through his legal counsel. He doesn't want to do that; he kept telling me, "It is your attorney, just tell him we agreed to it." Verbal agreements do not work. Signatures are necessary at this point. He has until Aug. 22 to agree with or counter our original order, or it goes before the judge. I am not going to remind him; or any of that. It is all in writing, and since he does not have a secretary anymore he will have to read it and figure that out. I have contacted my atty and let him know what happened, that I verbaly agreed to it; and will sign it if/when it is sent to him. Part of the problem is that the A has an atty, sort of. The atty right now is just an advisor, not doing any paperwork or representing him because the A doesn't want to pay for that service. So, he pays for consults, and then tries to do it himself. But, he is not sharp enough right now to go against my atty (the best in town and noone wants to face him in court, not even the other attys).
So, we have made a positive step, but it aint' over until we both sign a legal agreement, and the judge signs off on it. Then it is done.
Sorry. I thought you were going to Florida. Thanks for the clarification. So, he agreed to it now, huh? Grin. He might not remember he agreed and fortunately, you have an attorney and there will be a judge's order on file. Hope this part of your life gets wrapped up soon.
