The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As the days pass I'm getting more and more insignificant at work. As they hire on the young and new employees that will be taking a lot of our places ( older employees about to retire ) I have become increasingly more worried. I go around needing to tell everyone my worth to the point of I'm being just stupid about it. I want to stop this and just let go and do my job for the next 4 years but I feel I'm losing something.
Between my home life, job and son I'm going downhill with my self esteem I guess.
Sucks!!!
TFIG
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
And the wisdom you hold? And the care and love? And your humour? Lets go surfing with the boys!! Dear wonderful lady, I could not let this pass me by - you are really really special. And with so much more to do in life, whenever we loose something it creates space for something new, methinks. (((((Hugs)))))
It helps me to be grateful for the good my HP is bringing into my life no matter what the outer looks like at the time. I am my own employer and when I outgrow a work, sometimes I am the last to know until I notice I am growing away from it rather than engaged heavily in it, mind, body, heart and spirit. My grandson pointed out to me before I actually retired that he noticed I just didn't seem into going to work as much as I once was. When I looked at how I spent my time and listened to what my heart was telling me and noticed where my body was, I saw that what he said was true. And I could no longer try to talk myself into doing something that I had outgrown and needed to say goodbye to soon. Nobody can kick us out of paradise without our permission. Ego tells us there is nothing out there besides what we know and are familiar with at the time. Of course, life has shown us that is simply never true. Gratitude for what was, what is and what will be helps me stay focused on the good in my life as I know it today and trusting that if my HP has taken me to it, HP will take me through it.
You are not alone feeling like this Cathy. The last few years I worked, I was made to feel like I SHOULD retire because I was taking a younger person's job by staying working. My sister, a nurse, says that she feels she has become almost invisible in her job because she is in her last two years. I hear it everywhere from older workers. Do not let it get to you! You have such a wealth of experience and it could be such a help to the new hires but, at that age, they know it all and only time will teach them what they do not know. Instead of looking at this as an ending, start investigating some of the things you would like to do when you do retire. I thought I would be bored to death- not so! You do not need a lot of money to enjoy retirement. I worried that I would lose my identity and instead I found a whole new way of living and I am liking it.
I have to agree with deacon. When I turned 60, people from the outside of my life started asking when I was going to retire. Inside my work, the people didn't want me to ever leave. There were times when I wanted to ask the question of people wanting to know when I was going to retire if they'd like to just go ahead and dig the hole and throw me in it? Of course, I didn't until I got closer to actually wanting to retire. When I made the announcement, the very same people who were referring to my age in such a subtle way were "shocked," "surprised," and then the question became "What are you going to DOOOOOOOOOOO?????!!!!" The people inside my work cried, shared what little they had with me, and wanted to tell the board that I couldn't retire. This is what I learned - retirement or moving on or staying was truly all up to me - and no matter what others said or did outside of me, I was in charge of my life and what I did with it. I also know that I will spend no time at all with people who look at my age and make judgments based on that because their opinion of me doesn't matter. I also know that I will spend my time with people who want to know me as I am, love me as I am, and share with me who they are in honest and caring ways. We have glorified youth in our culture and made it an idol. I don't have to agree with popular sentiment and I don't have to pay it any mind. All I have to do is be glad for my life as it is and as it has been and awaken every day to be of service in some way to another. When younger people get insulting - and some have been pointed in their negative opinion of me as an older woman who thinks differently than they do, I share how many years of life experience I have and ask how many they have? When I consider all I have been through and all that I have experienced in life, I am proud of me. I could have crawled into my bed and never gotten out of it, or refused to take any risks in life, or stayed in situations that were harmful to me even when leaving had its own consequences and risks.
If you look at where you started and where you are today, Cathy, perhaps you can be proud of yourself, too? I remember some of your story. Not everybody makes it that far and is still living to tell the story of their progress. The story of our lives is not the story of our children's lives or our employers' or co-workers' lives or our lovers' lives. Yes, you have hit some bumps in the road as we all have. But, haven't you gotten back up and kept on going? Sounds like the journey of a winner to me.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 8th of August 2014 02:42:39 PM
Sister I was taught that you are what you think you are and then the program told me "If you keep and open mind...you will find help". You bought your open mind to the MIP family and I come to understand why MIP isn't just Al-Anon...this share alone is the meeting after the meeting, the Al-Anon plus as I read the responses you have received. I love the wisdom of the responders and the excitement in Milkwood's "Lets go surfing with the boys". You're getting closer to the future unknown and let me ask you what and how the emotion of fear had and has to do with you being here. You were afraid for "him" and now afraid for "Cathy". You're not there yet sweetie, you're here now with a ton of others experiences and supports and maybe an extra surfboard. (love that!!) I am retired several times over. I have had so many career(s) experiences that I came to understand only one of the motto's of the enabler "I can"!! I learned that from my inventories of my life the experiences I have that have told me I can and often I can for money. What Grateful has said about the differences between the experiences of the young and the old is true. They haven't reach where you are at now...not even and for some not even close. What you're feeling most likely is colored by your attitude...how you perceive your condition and what you're dragging into future thought...that place where my sponsor told me I was trying to fortune tell using a bowling ball. Its black, shows nothing but scratches and buff spots and has holes in it. LOL You're not there yet and the only evidence of your future that you have now is false...False Evidence Appearing Real. F E A R ...The opposite of which for me is LOVE ...unconditional acceptance of yourself for who you are and where you are and everyone who is with you now.
Change your attitude inside, your attitude and presences changes outside and your body language says..."I ain't done yet, I'm not going away, except for going surfing with my friend Milkwood and some guys". This is the moment Sis and yes TGIF.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Friday 8th of August 2014 05:52:00 PM
I retired from my company almost 6 1/2 years ago. I loved my job but the stress was killing me. In a lot of ways I too felt invisible. After staying home for 3 months I got a part time job. I was nervous about working at something completely different but it was so much fun and refreshing. I did not feel invisible there. But, I also knew that if I wanted to quit I could and maybe that made a difference in how I looked at myself. I have worked for the same company for over 6 years.
While going from working in a big company, dealing with my AH, loosing both parents, etc., I had to keep it together. Now at age 63 I really like myself - I know I sound like Sally Field - but that is how I feel. What happens to the alcoholics in our family/life is not our fault. It is their fault. But it is our fault on how we deal with it. What happened to your son would be every mother's nightmare but you did everything you could do. With your son going to prison it does not define who you are. When you go to work just walk in with your head high, work hard and go home and feel the very best you can about YOU. One thing my dad told me years and years ago was that no one looks out for you but you. That has stuck with me. Have a nice weekend and take care.
Thank you so much......it makes me feel so much better when I come here. You know after 35 years with one company it's hard to feel I'm not wanted to on my way out but it is what it is and I will have to come up with something new that makes me feel happy and worthy for this life. I want to take dance lessons LOL
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Dance lessons!!!!!! Perfect!!!!!!!! Exercise. Fun. New people. Laughter. Learning! Joy! Go for it, sister! I'm registering for water yoga that begins the end of this month. I've enjoyed the water exercise classes and the new folks I've met there - plus the instructor is a pleasant, helpful and gentle young man who us older gals get to mother, tease and ignore if we're having a conversation during jumping jacks or jogging and lunges. I hope you're serious about taking these classes. It could make such a difference for you! And everybody else is there because they're learning, too. No experts. Just people practicing progress and not perfection in their lives and in the dance routines. A fellowship of equals just like Al-Anon and MIP.
Ah, you are so valuable to so many with your encouraging words. There is something better, different out there just waiting for you to be ready to take it on. Try to focus on a time in your life when a door closed, and another opened, and how wonderful that was. I call them "circles."
My circles are those trials in my past that God walked me through until they were no more a trial. Some were little and some were huge, but if I can remember the things that God did for me and through me during that time I can rest assured He will do the same this time around.
Enjoy your last years there and go out with a bang! And then say, "Okay HP, where to now?"
In our practice we have patients into their nineties. The one thing I love about the more mature people is that they don't worry about the things we worry about. They've seen it all; lived through wars, depressions, death of children, all kinds of stuff. And they don't fret anymore. Those I see are happy, content. Each time one comes in I get a reminder of that, and it helps to settle me down and know, this too shall pass. And I will still be standing when it does.
How do you know you couldn't do the tango if you've never done the tango? I dare you. In fact, I double dare you. If you have a very good instructor, you can do it. Maybe not on the beach but maybe on a dance floor. No? Well, then country it is. Doesn't matter. It will be such a grand way for you to do something fun for you.
Maybe hauling out the old "Urban Cowboy" movie with John Travolta will add some fun to your life as you find the place to go to dance. I can see you laughing and hootin' and hollerin' already, sister. Makes me grin with delight for you! And MW - thanks for that romantic picture, too. Loved seein' it.
This surprises me, I respect the ones that have been in my field a long time especially if they are patient enough to pass on their wisdom. I am sending you lots of love and support always!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thanks all.....I'm going to ask my friend to go to Harold's in Cave Creek to learn some country dancing. We did it once a long time ago and had a ball.
Saturday wasn't such a nice day. It started with going to see my son......that was a good visit. On my way home I stop for food at about 12:30pm. About a hour later I came out with my groceries opened the trunk to pack the food in. I came to the cake and bread and put it on the front seat with my purse. I closed the door and thought....the horn didn't beep 3 times. It does when the fob it left in the car. Now my car is keyless and no door handles just a button on a back side groove of the door. I went back the tried to open the door...it was locked. I tried to get in though the trunk but the back seat was also not going to come down. I finally had to take my food back into the store and have them put in the cooler. I borrowed a phone and tried calling my SO but no answer.
I'm dying of thrust so the store gave me water. Finally SO called back on the phone and I told him what happen. Took him forever to get down here to help me. We didn't have a second key fob so we called a tow company. 2 hours later they got there but after about a hour they couldn't get in. I was getting sick by now in the heat. I got on the phone and called the Cadillac dealership and they transferred me to road side assistance. The guy said he would be there in about 1/2 hour. Arrived and it took him about 20 minutes to get in but it wasn't easy. The car has a manual release down on the floor by the door but the tool the guy was using was not long enough. He finally had to bang out the handle of the tool straight so it would reach that one inch needed to pull the handle..... HE DID IT!! I was so grateful. I hugged and gave the man a nice big tip.
What else that was nice the tow company didn't charge me because they couldn't help and the Cadillac road side didn't charge because it was still under warranty.
Got home about 5pm....put the food away and took a long cold shower to cool off. Couldn't bring myself to made dinner then so it was fend for yourself night and I was asleep by 7pm.
LOL never again.. Onstar...here I come.
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Oh, my! What a day! And you took good care of yourself in it. I hope you'll take pictures of Harold's and the dancing for us? It makes me smile to know you and a friend are going to go have fun dancing again!
I plan to be running the world by age 60. (sort of lol) I am already a director and hope to be directing massive scale programs (hospitals/giant rehab) or have started my own rehabilitation center. That will be based upon 40 years of clinical experience by that time and if anyone looks down on that, they would be stupid.
I'm sure your life experience and work experiences are similar. You don't need to explain your worth in any way to anyone. You need to FEEL IT! I feel you are worth quite a bit! Priceless :)
(((((Hugs)))))
