The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've enjoyed reading eaverything y'all have posted and I believe every bit of it,I just trying to get through this part of him and her being together and when he don't answer his ph.when I call I get panicky I feel tears swelling up in my eyes and I start shallow breathing I do breathing exercises but they still come I enjoyed this morning mip meeting i know I have to reach my bottom too to be able to make a decision this is not only makeing me mentally I'll but phi ally I'll as well I'd be in the psycho ward or jail if it weren't for alanon I heard someone say that in the meeting this morning,abf also told me that reason was he blocked her was that he found out that she came here to our town to someone's house he knew. Dying looking for him wanting to know if he was alright so he said he blocked her and that she.BLocked him too ,,,,,I do. not believe him.her name exists on his phone but no no. Beside her he said that was how he had to block her was to keep her.name in his ph.he has a att go phone??? I dunno I'm sitting here trying not to call him again I've been gone all day just got home saw where he called me at 1:30pm and just tried to. All him back and no answer he still hasn't called me back he owes me money big time and he was getting paid for a job hE had done a while back and finish up a job he had .theres been several arrested in a big crime and he was in the middle of it and they only got 3arrested so far they arrested one yesterday that was telling on everybody and he told me this morning that they arrested another one and which made 3 so far and was told that there was 6 or more yet they was gonna arrest I know he is worried about that too but that's his doings not mine .so if and when they do pick him up that will prolly be the end for sure for us cause I don't and won't take care of a man in prison or whatever they do with him.that bares on him I know .he just called to let me know that he had been on a roof roofing reason why he couldn't answer me.but ever since he got his cell ph.he has acted diff.like I'm put on the back burner and there's someone else there that he she stays keeps in the background.that does hurt .i know the serenity prayer by heart.
Lu
We are powerless over people , places or things. The First Step is the hardest. The Second Step assured me that a HP could restore me to sanity.
My thinking was so distorted and unreasonable that I was not rational or sane, I could not concentrate on my life or on what I had, or appreciate all the good in my life. All I could see was what I wanted and did not have, I hear this in your share as well.
How important is it if she is in his phone or not? Even if she was not in the phone he could still see her and connect with her.
Please keep reading alanon literature and know that your life and mental health does depend on your letting go of this obsession You have the tools, You simply must pick them up and use them
Reading and reading and reading the CAL Literature until I felt peaceful was a big help to me when I was having hard time quieting my thoughts and my feelings. It was like being in a meeting every time I chose to read a step or a slogan or a topic. The readings on fear and Step 1 helped a lot to begin with and then I could move on to anger, acceptance, trust if I still didn't feel peaceful. I don't know if what helped me will help you and maybe it would? We can't focus on two things at once. So, if I forced myself to focus on the readings, little by little I could regain my composure and my inner peace. Then, I'd go to bed and sleep after I put my loved ones into God's hands.
This sounds like a duplicate of the meeting we had last evening...really...just me and a relative newbie who didn't want to abandon the room even because of the oncoming storm. So we did the face to face and she was telling this very same story with the exception that he was now in jail for 11 months. She is working hard to learn the program as suggested and it was a pleasure to watch it coming around. She asked a lot of questions and it could have been Hotrod and Grateful giving the feedback there also. It works when you work it and she is working it rather than trying to work them. Nice to watch. Keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
Whether or not he's lying about this other woman, whether or not he gets arrested, you already know what you need to know about him -- that he's not healthy and that life with him is chaos and pain.
When we come from backgrounds where our parents or caregivers were unreliable or absent, we have a tendency to attach to people like a lost child. Like a toddler or a four-year-old. When we're that age, we'll literally die if we aren't cared for by someone. When that someone is unreliable, we get very scared. We can't trust them to take care of us reliably. We cling to them with all our might. Because we know we're in danger.
Now we're adults but that same sense of desperate attachment is still in our brains. I know when my A rejected me, I felt like I was going to die. I was overwhelmed with panic. I felt exactly like a 2-year-old whose mother can't be found. Fortunately a friend talked me down from some terrible panic attacks. I was curled up in bed feeling like I was going to die.
When we give into that feeling, it makes our brain think those feelings were right. But the truth is that we're adults now and we're not going to die. We have meetings, we have the literature, we have all the support system that Al-anon provides. And we can make our own food and get ourself places and do all the things that kids can't.
It's helpful sometimes to realize that that feeling is not real. It's just left over from our insecure childhoods. So sad that that little child had to go through that. We need to take care of that inner child now.
Mattie, you've raised some really good points here.
One of the benefits of the chaos that entered my life and had me gasping for air is that I have identified the childhood feelings that surfaced and had a chance to look at areas of my life that I had not previously addressed.
Learning that I can stand on my own two feet, that I can provide my own stability and that I can honour and take care of my inner child has been a really liberating, if painful, process. This process all started with me thinking that AH was behaving like a child and, in the midst of my fuming, I stopped and asked myself 'how old do I feel?' Well I was 7 years old and I was staging my own tantrum!! When I looked at all that I've survived and thrived through from aged 7 to now I unfurled and felt so much better about myself.
(Note to self: Why not unfurl a bit more and try doing that survived and thrived thinking again )
)
