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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Which Way Is Up?
Post Info TOPIC: Which Way Is Up?
blessed


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Which Way Is Up?
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I am on overload, I don't even know which way is up. I met w/ my atty after I finally decided to leave. I had to wait a week as he was on vacation. My AH & I came up w/ a financial agreement and I took that in, but it was all wrong according to law. I put all our eggs in one basket and just split it. That, apparently, is not how it is done. Won't go into the boring details. Anyway, he rewrote it up the way it should be. I have agreed w/ what I have seen. But, my AH has not yet received a copy to agree. I did find out he has lawyered up; so I hope that doesn't mean a big $$$ battle. He is not going to like the alimoney but it is non-negotiable and a straight forward equation. Fighting will only make attorneys more wealthy but will not change certain things in the agreement. However, in the agreement I am to be out of the house by August 31. During which time I am hiring and training two people to replace me at work. One is hired and I trained today. I still am interviewing for the other position and won't have a lot of time to train her. My son has to be in Florida for college the end of August. Hmmmm. How can you be in VA with movers and also in Florida registering my son for college. There was the option of me just leaving Aug 31 and picking up my stuff by Sept. 30. Not sure that is a good idea w/ a person that hates me to the core, and attitude changes like the wind. Seems I should take it when I go. And my son is here now and there is a buffer from the AH. If I come back alone it could go very wrong. 

The banker told my husband if they got wind of a divorce it would hinder the refinance. That doesn't make sense as I haven't worked in years so my income plays no part in that. My atty says it doesn't matter what the banker says; he will do what they judge says. Do not sign over your part of the house w/o legal documentation protecing your interest. The A says, "we don't need attorneys, we can do this ourselves; but this morning was arguing over a wool rug. Not sure it is a good idea to do this alone w/ an A.

So, I go to work by day and do my best to prepare new hires before leaving, pack a few boxes in the morning and in the evening. And I hurry up, and wait. All I have is an unsigned order w/ a move date. 

Being ADT (attention to detail), this is not how I roll. I have my ducks in a row and know what is coming, and when. It is when you add another human being in the mix, it gets all messed up. lol!

Some of my clients at work have "personal assistants". Ah, wouldn't that be nice right about now?

Today, as I was training the diet coach we were doing the scale readings. My body fat was 17% and my metobolic age was 12. (Usually I have a metobolic age of 25 [I am 50] and my body fat is around 22-24. I have lost 7 pounds in the past week and was at 119 a few days ago, but hovering at 120 most of the week. My normal weight is 125-127. Okay, it's only 5-7#, but w/ an already "proper weight" 5# is a lot to lose. My size 4 clothes are loose. I eat a very clean diet and this week I bought 2 half gallons of ice cream so I could put on some weight. It didn't work. I am glad it didn't make me sick; usually non-clean food would. 

I am going to soak in a mineral salt bath and relax. 

 

 

 

 



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grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

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You've had a lot of emotional stuff on your plate as well as the mental stuff for so long. I'm glad your attorney is in your corner, your work is coming to an end, your move to Florida is very close and you'll be soaking in a bath tonight to relax.

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hotrod


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Blessed You sound as if you know "which way is UP" :) I am very impressed with your clarity and follow through.
Prayers for continued positive results.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
PP


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Prayers, Blessed.



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Paula
Debilyn


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Very good share.

It is very common to lose weight during this stressful event. Plus if you are into nutrition, you know to eat fat is not the way to gain weight. Just balance your total diet with more good calories, exercise. LOTS of good calories.

I am a vegan, my bp has gone down so much it is amazing! I am below the rec. numbers now. My Mother was too.

You sound good, hope you are taking naps. It is temporary, that's what I tell me when things are rough. Wow I am very attention to detail too, living with an A could about make ya nuts! lol

ONE day at a time. Loved hearing you took such a nice soak! Get yourself flowers for me! (c:

thank you for sharing your jouney! love!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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blessed


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Sleep is not a problem for me. I am on a very balance sleep/awake regimend. I sleep well and I am awake when I am awake. My overall health is excellent, and I know that is how I am [kind of] gettign through this. I took the night off of packing last night and soaked in a tub of mineral salt, and went to be after the online chat. Slept through the night and woke up not tired. But I am never tired when I wake up as I sleep well. 

This was not a spur of the moment decision; it has been a long time coming; years in fact. So, I knew when I knew, it is time. There is no second guessing. Being in AlAnon has helped me to organize my thoughts from my life experiences w/ the AH and what is really going on (aside from everything is my fault). Clarity is good. I have clarity.

Thank you Alanon members for sharing your life so others can find serenity and healing in the midst of this disease. 

If not for the grace of God.

 



-- Edited by blessed on Thursday 7th of August 2014 07:50:27 AM

__________________

Do the next right thing~

I've never regretted taking the high road. ~
blessed


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Sorry, this is kind of rambling, but my head is on overload....

A [not so] quick update. My AH has been given a copy of our financial agreement in a legal format. He is getting nastier by the minute. I am doing my best to just shut my mouth as there is no "reasoning" w/ someone who doesn't value your opinion, or even your presence. His remarks are not really inviting of conversation, just remarks to get a reaction, and hopefully an argument.. such as I took more than half of the ziploc bags and that is petty. (I evenly divided all that kind of stuff). When I asked why complaining about a box of ziploc bags was not petty, he said, "me ackowledging your pettiness is not petty."  Oh my. There is no response to that, and he got no response. He's losing a family, and is concerned w/ a box of ziploc bags.

Then he was going over the AmEx bill, (I closed the acct last week) which I paid half of, but he wanted us to pay our own charges. Most of my charges are to run the house as I use the card like a checking acct. for the points. And remined him that ALL debt is split 50/50; regardless of whose name it is. So on that; I wrote the check directly to AmEx but he said he wanted it to him so he could pay online. I did that and asked for a receipt stating I would not be responsible for interest should he not pay the balance in full, and he said, "I guess I will just mail in this one." Again, even when I agree w/ him, he disagrees. 

But I was told to proceed w/ my move at the end of the month and if he doesn't respond to the order by Aug. 22 we do an emergency hearing for temporary support. I am sure he will have his attorney look at it; and rightly so. That is why I have any atty. 

It doesn't make sense that a person has wanted you out for years, and you finally agree to be the "bad guy" and end it, is more mad then when you were refusing to leave. I guess it gets down to control. If they feel they are in control, they are okay. But, he is clearly not calling the shots now. Neither I am, really. It is in the hands of attorneys, and eventually a judge. The judge has the final say. But there really isn't much to argue. All assets and debts are divided 50/50. Alimony is paid by a formula. You separate for 6 months, they are divorced.

My attorney has told me DON'T SAY A WORD TO HIM. And I haven't, except when absolutely necessary. He said that anything you say will just be something that leads to a disagreement. Last night the AH was saying, "My attorney said what your attorney is doing is not necessary and he is just milking your for all he can get." I have to choose between a person who knows the law, and the judge, to represent me; or a AH who certainly is not considering my interest in any of this. The choice is clear. After his stunt last week of agreeing to give me some $; which I withdrew and then telling me that conversation never happened and I was just grabbing $, I knew I could not deal w/ him on these serious issues. I know people who just want to run; but at the age of [almost] 51 and worked very hard to further his career w/ additional education and taking care of the home and children so he could advance his career, I am not leaving w/o anything. I [willingly] gave up a career for his. And I should be compensated accordingly.

Just for today, I will not think about tomorrow, or the next two weeks. One Day At A Time.... I can do this.

Moving day is set for August 28. We will arrive in Georgia on the 29; then to Florida on the 31st to enroll my baby in college. Boo Hoo! Hurray! A very bittersweet time. 

My son hit the jackpot and brought me home about a hundred boxes from Walmart last night; friends and neighboring business have also been giving me boxes. My son's new pickup is coming in handy. We have boxes coming out our ears. But, that is a good thing. Right? Next week I will be begging someone to come and pick up the extras.

T~

 

 



-- Edited by blessed on Friday 8th of August 2014 06:38:01 PM

__________________

Do the next right thing~

I've never regretted taking the high road. ~
NL14


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Hang in there, Blessed. What you're doing is incredibly hard, and you're holding it all together so well. Your attitude is great. Only a few more weeks and there will at least be some physical distance between you. Keep taking care of yourself, eating that ice cream, taking long baths, etc. You'll get through this and be better for it. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

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Jen61


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One day at a time. You are doing great. Positive thoughts to you.

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Mirandac


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You are doing great. I am dealing with alot of my anger and its
Eating me up. His family are dismissing his bad behaviors
And affairs. My brain is on overdrive. I brought in the financials
To my lawyer she said you are going to have to sell. That is not
what he wants to do. I am starting to get nervous about him
And his reactions. I am thankful he has his own lawyer to
Advise him and hopefully keep him calm.

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grateful2be


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Many prayers and much support for you, Blessed.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Cathyinaz


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I think your doing fantastic. I don't know what will happen when I decide to end it but I will take your ADT with me.

I remember when my son first started going full blown alcoholic and what a mess I was. I lost 45lbs. in 3 months because of the anxiety. I looked great body wise but that's not the way to lose weight because it's back on again. You don't need to lose ANY so take care of you and eat well my friend

(((( hugs )))


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Kerrymom


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You sound so calm! Not engaging with all the crap he says is very impressive! Hang in there your end is in sight!

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