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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> What to do
Post Info TOPIC: What to do
Flower49


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What to do
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So I have a situation that came up. I have been feeling really sick since last Thursday. I did see my AH on Sunday and kept the visit really upbeat. I did show him a rash I had developed etc (turned out to be shingles). and then told him I was going to the Dr on Monday. I have a heart condition called SVT which causes extreme racing of the heart. I went into the hospital on Monday and got out this am. Finally I broke down last night to call and tell him I was having an emergency procedure and that if it went south I might be in the ICU. I was scared and I don't really have anyone.

He proceeded to tell me he was on a 24 hour down, he was really sick, had called into work and on and on and on. He then said to me "Are you doing this because you miss me?" I was dumbfounded. This am he did call to see what was up and I told him the procedure was good, I was going home today. He asked what room I was in and what hospital. We had decided after his dumb comments not to really tell him where I was because I didn't need him showing up with his minions. So I lied to him. He has not called me as he said he would on lunch or his break. I just don't get it.

I think he probably called to see if I was at the hospital and I had a no information order placed. I know not to take things personal but his comment just blew me away. His lack of contact blew me away. I seriously cannot believe he thinks this is all about him. I don't even know what to do with this information what-so-ever. Needless to say I am glad to be home, I reached out to an al-anon friend and rounded up some friends that can help me with tasks around the house etc. for the next few days, but none of that will help me heal my wounded heart. I guess he is never going to grow up.



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Linda

Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries

Matthew 6:34
hotrod


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(((Flower)) I am sorry that you have been so ill and glad that you are receiving proper care and attention . I know it is difficult to accept, but going to an A (even one in early recovery) for support is really like going to the hardware store for bread They are not able to offer the support, compassion or empathy that you need I am glad you reached out to alanon friends

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Debilyn


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I hope you have others to support you? Health stuff is hard to go thru on your own, especially scarey things! I have been blessed with wonderful health care workers. I understand how it feels to be alone during this stuff without family. My little town is so friendly, but sometimes I still cry asking neighbors to get me to and from a surgery.

You are a warm, caring woman, of course his behavior is so hurtful. But A's just always think of themselves first, that is how they are programmed. It is NO excuse though as they do KNOW how to act appropriately from watching others.

That is usually part of their recovery program, to learn to be more caring and think of others.

It's ok to take care of you yourself. Not the same I know, but do it. I will buy me something nice to go into the hospital, then make sure I have nice soft nightgowns, clean bed, flowers around. I have learned how to treat me like i want to be treated.

I was blessed by my ex AH when he was in years of recovery. He really loved me and showed it. Just lately after so many years I think about how much I miss being loved like that and loving him back. He was my best friend. To see him change into a monster is an was horrible.

Its hard for you to see it too! Denial goes away and we really see this stranger, who is that???

For me this is when I realized my lovely husband was dead and this guy was a monster. HEY once I had to rush to the hospital er, they put me in a bed overnight. MY dear husband saw my pick up parked at the hospital, guess what???? He drove it home!!! He didn't know I was in there at the time, just took my truck. Next day he is yelling at me about not coming home. Well he would not answer his cell when I needed him. So then he leaves me with no way to get home! jerk.

I can trust my animals more than him, no question. He would lie and they would act a certain way and tell me the truth...

anyway one foot in front of the other comes in to my mind. Really doing one day at a time. I started to have to look at my life without my mate.

Keep coming!!! What do YOU want to do? love,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Jerry F


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Hotrod hit one of the nails squarely on the head.  "Self centered to the extreme" is only one of the characteristics cited about the alcoholic.  Don't push the sword so deep that you cannot let it fall to the floor by itself.  I remember learning that the alcoholic/addict would sometime just hand me the spear and then walk away and I would do the thrust myself.  After it was my job to "take offense" rather than just let it go.  You did good reaching out for help cause martyrdom and sainthood doesn't do well on us either.  I've had that racy heart beat myself since childhood and when I got it I would just stop what I was doing and relax into a crouching position until it straightened itself out.  I also have an "angina" like affect...like I'm going to have a heart attack which a physical therapist gave me a great solution for now I don't have to think of calling 911 right away or say my "ending" prayers...lol...how many times I thought..."well this is it Alice...the BIG one.  Not!!   What to do?  Take ace of you.   (((((hugs))))) smile



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PP


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You reached for people you can count on to be available for you; that is great. As the others have said, your husband cannot give you what you need.  He may never be willing or able to give you what you need or want.  

It sounds like your body is telling you it needs some special care now, please take good care.  Hugs.

 



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Paula
grateful2be


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Lots of prayers for blessings for you and your recovery, flower.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Nightwind


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Glad you are home safe...I had shingles as a teenager (talk about nerves and stress) and it was extremely painful. I am learning in alanon to take the focus off others, alcoholic others or not, and focus on me. It is a day at a time, minute at a time, job but wow...so rewarding...like being finally free...

Hang in there...

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