Update - Al-Anon Family Group

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Update

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh this reminds me so clearly of my revenge fantasies. I was crazed. I went down a road that was no good for me. It didn't even smell good.

It was by driving a RUT in steps 1-2-3 repeatedly that I was able to be released from my thoughts of manipulating things external to what was really causing my turmoil.

I can't credit the Al-Anon daily readers enough with gently steering me to peace. It's a real miracle any of it seeped in through the storm between my ears.

Keep coming back here. Attending meetings as you do is so good.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear looking up, I am glad that you're feeling a bit better and that the problem has been diagnosed and you will be receiving appropriate care.

I do so understand your concern about the other woman but I would like to point out that we are powerless over other people. Gossiping, judging and criticizing others is very destructive to our own self-esteem and self-worth. It sets us up as targets for others disapproval and gossiping .

This woman is married to this gentleman and then marriage is between the two of them. Telling her husband about her indiscretions will not solve the problem. He may already know about what she is doing and is accepting of his life with her. If so you will have really accomplished nothing except make yourself more upset.

Using Al-Anon tools to detach from bf's behavior, and nurture your own self-respect and self-esteem can help when everything else fails. Write your asset list and your gratitude list and you will see what a wonderful beautiful person you are and how fortunate he is that you are in his life. You can tell him so as well.

Please continue to take care of yourself and I love your new avatar

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I believe in this, "ignore what they say, watch what they do." works with teenagers too! (c:

When I read these shares it makes me think that maybe working on ones own self esteem would help you. To focus on his stuff makes us crazy.

Whether he is communicating with her or not is not the issue really. If we live our own lives, the truth will always come out with out us looking for it.

Plus you know how i am, pointing at the doors, there is that one and that one and that one, pick one. NO one is going to treat me, a very nice, honorable, caring person like your A is treating you. I just love the me the creator gave me too much. Plus I KNOW hp will always get me thru anything, he always does.

How dare this man treat you so horribly that you would even have to wonder if he is cheating still. It is worth all this to put up with it? He will do it again probably, and he will blame you some how.

Ok again. When someone treats us or others badly, they are on a loser, lower part of a graph. For us to call her husband, attack her is bringing we, who are way up there on the graph of being moral, adult humans DOWN to their lower level loser part of the graph.

They have pulled you down. Do you really want to go there??? Is it your job to tattle tail? It is your business? She is not chasing anyone. There are two people here who are into each other. NO ONE can chase and get you if you say NO and go the other way!

I will be honest here, I see lots of denial going on here. You seem to be protecting yourself from some truths that hurt too much. Myself I would rather focus on me, and see what I really want, how do I want to be treated. Not wasting my time on two people who made a huge mess that hurts others.

Keep coming, the more you share the better you will feel. It takes courage to look at things in different ways. LOVE!!

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm glad you've had your foot checked out - those boots that they give you are excellent aren't they?

As to the rest, a couple of thoughts from my experience.

When I'm not feeling 100% health wise, or stressed with work or feeling neglected my thinking becomes much more negative than it normally is. That is not a good time for me to do anything radical. Yes, I would like to behave like a screaming banshee, I would like to be vengeful, but once done, neither of those things will make me feel any better about myself when I'm reflecting back on my life in years to come. So what would really improve my self esteem at this point? My point here is, first priority is to do something really really lovely for yourself. Something that you've wanted to do but have put off Something that will make you proud of you. Build a good memory.

The second thought I had was that my obsessing about AH's girlfriend was a way of stopping myself from thinking negatively about AH. In effect I was trying to protect my marriage. But it really has not been helpful since all I've really done is prolong my resentments.

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks again for all the replies and yes this boot is awesome

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Thanks for updating us about your foot. ((hugs)) Take good care and heal. Not much else to say because I had the same insights as hotrod about no one really knowing what goes on inside someone else's marriage and her Alanon suggestions concerning that I also feel are very good suggestions. TT

-- Edited by tiredtonite on Thursday 7th of August 2014 06:37:26 PM

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