Family support meetings - online? - Al-Anon Family Group

dubdub · Member

Family support meetings - online?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

We have on-line meetings twice a day. The information about them appears at the top of our board. Welcome. Glad you're here. Glad you're tired of the fight and ready for surrender to a new way of life.

dubdub · Member

How do I deal with nights like last?.. Usually he is home from work at 5:30.. 7:30, I finally texted.. called.. texted.. called again.. no answer.. an hour later he calls.. saying he was helping a buddy and would be home shortly (meanwhile I know very well he's drinking).. 8:30.. no answer ... 9:30.. call him again.. yup.. leaving now.. Home just after 10pm. I had already gone to bed.. FURIOUS... I slept in the spare room He reeked of beer.

Keep in mind he drove nearly 45 min in the dark on main roads.....

There are nights.. at least 3 a month, where he just doesn't come home.. Pretty sure he's not cheating.. but rather at buddies drinking. Beer cans stashed everywhere.. plain as day in his cup holder of the truck.. We have a FAMILY!!!!!! Other people have families that use the road.

dubdub · Member

:( 6am our time.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear D welcome to MIP . I'm glad that you reached out and shared . As you no doubt discovered alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease over which we are powerless . Checking up on him, worrying about him, losing sleep because he is driving drunk does nothing to help the situation but causes us undue anxiety and stress.

We need to accept that we are completely powerless over this disease. He drives drunk it is on him. Keeping the focus on him and his actions is a symptom of our issues. We need to learn to put the focus back on ourselves and learn constructive actions to deal with our feelings.

Meetings, Al-Anon readings, calling Al-Anon members, working the steps all help to change our attitudes and keep the focus where it belongs on our lives.
We do have online meetings here every day as well as a chat room that is open 24 seven

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Here is the link meetinginfo.activeboard.com/f590680/meetinginfo/

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

He's doing what problem drinkers do. We are powerless over them and their disease. The only thing on a person's mind with this compulsion is drinking, drinking, drinking. Al-Anon helps us learn how to focus on ourselves and what we are going to do for us that is healing and helpful to our serenity. Most of us have learned that calling, texting, insisting, lecturing, nagging, scolding, begging, pleading for our loved ones to be different than they are is an exercise in futility. Those efforts on our part help us wear ourselves out and have absolutely no lasting effect on our partner. What does have a lasting effect is our attending Al-Anon meetings, finding a sponsor, working the steps, learning what we can change and letting go of what isn't within our power to change - another person, their disease, and their behaviors.

dubdub · Member

We live in a small community. How would I possibly be able to deal with him killing someone when I KNEW what he was doing?... DAILY.

How am I supposed to explain to our other sons why he's not home.. I was supposed to visit a friend in the hospital last night.. couldn't because he decided he was going to stay out drinking.
I understand the ideal of 'healing oneself'.. but as a mother I need to project our family.. how does one balance it?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

We balance it by being honest Daddy has a disease and is not home. The same with the friend in the hospital If he is drivng drunk you can call the police and report his plate and car You can take action to protect yourself and your children --- You cannot stop him and spending time worrying about him is ruining your ability to actually live your life in a constructive manner.

dubdub · Member

With the issue of not confronting.. hiding money.. and spending it all on drinking.. lying to me about where is he and what he's doing.. Do I just ignore it all?
I'm not comfortable leaving him alone with our toddler.. unless the older kids are home (they spend time with their biol. dad).. Do I just take our son with me.. or explain to hubby WHY I don't let him stay home?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

All of these are excellent questions and each of us have answered them differently. Meetings and alanon literature will help you find the right answers for you .
Stating how you feel is certainly acceptable just remember that this is a disease you are dealing with and it is not rational or sane

Please know you are not alone and that we cannot live with this disease without support. I urge you to try our on- line meetings and search out alanon literature.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.