The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The kids and I left yesterday. After my first post sat night, I lived through such nuttiness because a very long ago boyfriend left me a short voicemail. I told my AH 1000 times that I am not responsible for other peoples behavior but he wanted to make me so. He must have been drinking Sunday morning because he really crossed some lines in front of the kids. I finally told them (9 and 11) that dad has a disease. They expressed how difficult the fighting is and that they want a break.
So yesterday I knew I had to follow through on my statement to him that I would leave because he is irrational and scary. We packed up while he was gone and I later texted that we could talk next with a neutral third party on Friday. (His religious advisor).
We went in circles for a few hours...kids fighting, me so anxious. Scared of running into him in our small town. Finally ended up at a neighbors. Today they are going to camp and me to meet with a county victim advocate, it's free legal Svc day, etc
I am scared. I want to be at my house. I think my AH has underlying mental health issues...maybe bipolar. I want him to get help. I don't want to live on a merry go round on and off sobriety. I am soooo tired of being accused of things I didn't do. Know I can't control his side of things. Kids start school soon...I want them to have a good routine, which he sabotaged last year. Ugh. Thanks for listening. Bundle of stressed out nerves.
((((OceanPIne))) I am happy that you took care of yourself and protected the safety of your family . Prayers and positive thoughts for a successful outcome
It took courage to remove yourself from the madness and to take your children with you. Seeking outside help from systems greater than him reduced your vulnerability and broke some of the isolation for you, too. I am glad your children felt safe enough to tell you how they really feel and what they really want right now. That was my experience, too, with my x. No matter what I did to try to create a calm, peaceful and structured environment for my children, the disease would sabotage it. I am many years out of that situation and I live in an ordered environment that is peaceful and safe. No one is allowed into my home who brings drama and violence with them. My HP helped me get out and stay out of the line of fire with an active user and abuser although it took work and time to do it. There were temptations to go back to him and to the madness, but I never acted on it. My HP always did for me what I couldn't do for myself and gave me the energy and the tenacity I needed to keep on keeping on towards normal, ordinary and serene living. There are still some bumps and thumps of challenge and difficulties in my life but nothing like the days gone by when I lived with a very sick man and thought there was something I could do to help him and heal him. Truth was - no, I couldn't. But, I could do things to help and heal myself. You are not alone and you are doing what it takes to help and heal yourself. Keep coming back.
Your courage is beautiful Ocean Pine and I'm so warmed by your loving relationship with your children. What could you do to help calm those nerves? I go walking, or listen to a meditation tape or take a peaceful long bath. Whatever works for you, you deserve a gift
You have lots of support OP...the family is with you along with HP. You made better decisions and are still willing to hope. Kill your expectations of what he may or may not do and focus on your own outcomes. Abuse is scary and you're carrying the load while he is only running wild. Some women, like yourself are very strong. I hope you find some rest soon. In support (((((hugs)))))
