The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You know, for so long I thought I wanted to be that perfect person with the perfect cookie cutter life, I was raised to think that was how we all should be and anything otherwise was wrong and looked down upon. And because of that image I tortured myself and judged myself and my family for not fitting those shoes. What I have just come to realize is that I am not created that way. I don't have the so called "perfect" life nor is my family that way. I have always walked to my own tune, and I am no longer going to feel bad for doing it. I refuse to try and fit a square peg into a circle anymore. I am going to accept myself and my family for who we are as individuals and try my best to respect each of our unique traits and thoughts. As long as sobriety is one of our priorities and is practiced (despite the hiccups) and support is given on all sides, then I can live in peace and have happiness. No matter what, I will not judge myself any longer for having this disease in my life. I am freeing myself of that bondage, I feel now I can actually move forward with happiness. The way I look in the eyes of others will not penetrate me anymore, we are all equals and children in the eyes of God.
Powerful post, sunrise. Years ago, I took a Cultural Anthropology course in college. It opened my eyes to how the American myth is generated as is the idea that we are superior to other cultures and nations. The same thing happens in other cultures and nations. It also showed me the various ways people in other cultures and nations live - and so much of what I learned though foreign to our American myth - was very valuable to my growth. As Louise Hay has stated in one of her Hayhouse books (not Al-Anon CAL), "There are 1,000 different ways to do the same thing." When we apply that same idea to our family and our family members, we can begin to see more clearly that "we are all equals and children in the eyes of" our HP. We aren't meant to be cookies or formed and shaped into a certain pattern. To me, we are here to be true to ourselves as we are and not as others would like us to be. You and I are not Indira Ghandi or Florence Nightingale or Oprah Winfrey or Meryl Streep, but we are who we are and our presence adds something to life that I trust no one else can bring to it. That is true of our family members and our neighbors, too, to my way of thinking.
When I turned 60, I changed one of my passwords to quirkyb**ch60. When my daughter discovered this she burst out laughing as I am not "perceived" by others to be that. But, it is a part of me that has been hidden away as I tried to create a persona of other peoples expectations (still swishing around the topic of expectations). If I were to get a tattoo (and maybe I will someday) it would say "To Thine Own Self be True". Until we know our true selves, we have to strip away that which we are not. LOVE this topic.
Grateful, I love your "1,000 different ways to do the same thing" comment, it's amazing how people (myself included) imprison ourselves into living by a certain beat and running life's course by a certain set of rules. BORING, is what I have to say about that, I love who I am, love my family and actually appreciate the life I've lived. I wouldn't be so full of flavor and spiritual richness it I hadn't, and we can all get to that place of joy, there are 1,000,000,000 ways to get there.
Paula, "To Thine Own Self Be True"........I think I'm going to print that and put that up at work. When it's all said and done, we are responsible for the richness of our own lives, how ever that suits us. There are not two people alike in this world, can't understand why these "rules" and needing to be like the Jones' ever evolved. I can only think it made other's feel better about themselves, somehow finding something that sets them above someone else. I guess that's the difference between them and me (us), I don't need to sh*t on other people's lives and views to feel validated.
This is such a great topic. One of the greatest gifts of this program has been learning acceptance. It's not always easy. The world's perception of what's good enough, family's thinking of what's good enough.. has little relevance compared to what my higher power thinks is good enough. I'm accepted every day and every hour of the day as I am in my higher power's eyes. The goal is to continue to feel that inside and keep it and then project it outward in spite of what others think of me. It's no small task on some days but comes easily on others. This to me is life on life's terms. I can't make the world behave as I would like or be because in a way... that own my own wish or view of perfection on my terms, rather than living and letting others life as they see fit. With that said, I like your thinking a lot about continuing to love and accept your family for who they are and where they are at. Personally, at least so far in my lifetime... I haven't come across any "perfect" people; only people trying very hard to appear perfect. The Alanon program is like a radar detector for that because many of us have been where those people are. What a blessing to move on from that place and out into the light of reality that we're ALL just flawed humans and that's OK.
I was speaking with a coworker yesterday who was working from home. I missed seeing her at work and wanted to know when she would be back in the workplace with us. She told me she didn't know because she had people currently working to renovate her house. One of her kids is getting married in the fall and the other was just married. I told as a matter of small talk that I thought that was exciting, the results would be something to look forward to. She then told me that the family was doing it because the furture inlaws would be visiting in the fall. This is what makes her happy. She's a friend, I'm happy for her if she's happy. It's not a choice I could see myself making about a house except if it was for me but her choice is not my business. I'm not the example of the ideal life from which other people should be guided nor is anyone else mine. If I'm trying to keep up with others, I've lost my focus on myself and my hp and our relationship. When that relationship is my focus I feel more security about who I am and my own life. My goal is to continue to seek a more spiritual life and hope to hold onto that and build on it a little more each day. Thanks for your sharing your insights and awarenesses about your life and family. (((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thanks TT, I love to hear about other people's lives, it's very healing to me. It just broadens the spectrum on the differences and similarities of us all. I appreciate peace, clarity, joy and acceptance.........and why we struggle and allow ourselves to be in confusion instead of letting things go to achieve that place of greatness is a mystery of all humans I guess. I'm tired, honestly, tired of making a list of expectations that, when I really review them, don't bring any true value and meaning to my life. Ex: new furniture, nice clothes, my address, my bank account, other's perceptions, other's opinions, other's comments............I really, truly and deeply just don't care about that in terms that will affect my view of myself. I know who I am, I really have always known, I just didn't hear my HP, I didn't listen to that voice inside me tell me that I am worth so much more than any of those things and that life is beautiful. And when I really think about that, it doesn't take much, it's just so simple and so innocent.
With all the struggles, pain, hurt and resentment that this disease has given me it has also given me a window into my soul.........I value joy in the smallest moments. And what is so astonishing to me is that because I have found this within myself, it pours out and is absorbed and felt by my family. They too, now, have a certain awareness and smile more now than before, there is love between us again. It's amazing and truly contagious how loving ourselves and accepting ourselves can make ALL the difference in our lives.
When I turned 60, I changed one of my passwords to quirkyb**ch60. When my daughter discovered this she burst out laughing as I am not "perceived" by others to be that. But, it is a part of me that has been hidden away as I tried to create a persona of other peoples expectations (still swishing around the topic of expectations). If I were to get a tattoo (and maybe I will someday) it would say "To Thine Own Self be True". Until we know our true selves, we have to strip away that which we are not. LOVE this topic.
Isn't it fun to wake up and see our lives through joyous eyes?