The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Now I've got to work this step I feel numb to everything it's like nothing wants to stick with me or sink in .i know that that's all from dealing and being so enmeshed in my abf life.ill be soo glad when my relief comes to me.today my abf is doing good and last nite he came home late but was sober best I could tell but I'm way too suspious of him.
The last word of the 2nd step for me is Sanity..."a continuous and orderly process of thought". Sanity was the gateway to all of the other conditions I needed to have improved...body, spirit and emotions. For me they are all connected...one affecting the other. I had no spirit or spiritual health when I was certifiably crazy and I would not have been able to describe it or discuss it when I first reached the doors of Al-Anon. I arrived suicidal with my brain being used only as additional weight to keep my head on my shoulders and from rolling off onto the floor under a table or car or whatever. Today I understand that my spirit and my intentions in living are the same thing. I have the spirit/intention to live the very best life I can live and to be helpful to others who desire the same. My Higher Power wants that with me also. HP wants me sane so that I can make that decision. Make your spirit that of caring for and loving yourself. (((((hugs))))) Keep coming back.
Hi lookingup. Its very hard to describe the condition I was in when I first came to al-anon. When I think back to that time, I shudder. I felt so isolated, numb and everything seemed completely hopeless. For so long, I prayed that God would help me help my husband. I prayed that God would give me the words to help my husband. Nothing happened, and I felt no peace. I then begin praying that God would help my ah. I still felt no peace. Finally, I begin to pray for myself. I prayed that God, in His infinite wisdom, would help me! God led me to al-anon. I am so very thankful to my HP.
When I walked into my first al-anon meeting, I was scared. I did not know any of the people. I didnt know what to expect. I cried the whole first meeting. We took turns reading aloud, and when it came my turn, I would break down. I remember everything we read that night was like reading about my life. A wall broke inside me that night - that wall of silence and isolation. Somehow I felt I had disarmed my ah a tiny bit. Wondering if this makes any sense? When I left the meeting that first night, I felt a huge burden had been lifted from me.
I am only beginning to understand how sick I was and am. I have to work on this every day b/c if I dont, I begin to slip again. My suspicious nature, my need to control my husbands drinking is still there, (this is my addiction) but it no longer controls me. I have to remind myself everyday to let Go and let God. I have made myself a God box. Every time I am confronted by something I cannot control or handle, I put it on paper and put it in the box. I am finding my sanity and my serenity. I may not yet have it 100 percent of the time, but I am so much better.
Work the program, keep coming back, and take one day at a time.
-- Edited by cloudyskies on Sunday 3rd of August 2014 09:01:09 PM
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
