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Hi, First time on an AA chat board. My husband likes to drink-he says he likes to drink because it tastes good. Most people I know like to drink but they don't drink everyday. When we were young, we went out to bars and drank and had fun. We've been married 23 years, but the last 5 years my husband has been drinking more consistently.
It started when he was going out with a friend who is a heavy drinker. They used to get real drunk. Husband would drive home drunk-made me very angry! One year 'H' came home to go trick or treating with us and he was DRUNK! Insisted on coming with us and had to lean up on mail boxes to stand up, wanted to go to houses we had already been to, and had a hard time walking in the ice and snow. 'H' would come home many times at 6 or 7pm totally drunk and go pass out in bed. I finally had enough of that and told him if he ever came home drunk when the kids were awake, I was going to take the kids and leave because the kids didn't need to see him in that condition. His drinking calmed down somewhat, but he would still drink and drive. After getting angry every time he chose to drink and drive, I finally decided that I wasn't going to put myself thru that emotional mess. He is an adult and is making his own choices.
'H' consistently drinks 2-3 beers a day, sometimes he'll have the hard liquor drinks along with his beers. He has his beers in his hand when he walks in the door from work-can't even wait until he changes his clothes and sits in his comfy couch to open his beer. 'H' compares his drinking to others and points out that he's not as bad. He gets real defensive if someone brings up his drinking habits. I agree with him on the facts that: 1)He doesn't get mean drunk-I think he drinks to relax but I don't think he could just quit. 2)He goes to work sober. 3)He is not abusive to anyone; verbal or physical. I have noticed that now he starts drinking in the early afternoon if he has the day off. If we go to dinner and the restaurant has alcohol-he's getting a drink! I should mention that he doesn't hide his drinking when he's at home.
He has one drinking buddy that drinks Tequilla, and when he goes to his friends house it is strictly to drink. I don't care to go and watch. One time 'H' had been over at his friend's house drinking (I didn't know)and came home after I had gone to bed. I woke up to 'H' urinating in the bathroom cupboard (our new remodeled bathroom I might add) I told him he was not at the toilet-he moved to the toilet to finish and proceeded to come back to bed. Did he bother to clean up after himself? NO I had to get at 3am and clean up after him. The next morning he told me he must have been dreaming. I was a bit suspicious and then I found out he had been beyond DRUNK. To 'H''s friend, this is all a funny story.
Currently 'H' is at Sturgis with another one of his buddies who is a heavy drinker(was sober for several years and recently went on a binge and I guess he's back to drinking because he's passed out twice at Sturgis according to my 'H') 'H' has also been drunk Thursday and Friday night and they drank all day today. 'H' told me he was drunk.
Why do I let all this bother me so much? It absolutely irritates me to see him drinking! Is it because we are learning about addiction because our oldest son is trying to recover from a narcotic addiction(I have a password for NA as well) Does 'H' seem like he is an alcoholic even though he is not as bad as some other alcoholics I know? One thing I think is sad is that my kids are affected by his drinking in a strange way. One time they wanted to get dad a card that had a nice mug of beer on it and just recently chose a hat for his birthday that said, My indian name is "Runs with Beer"
Help and Thanks for letting me tell my story. I don't know what to think anymore.
Miss Piggy Thank you for connecting and having the courage to share your thoughts and feelings. Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease over which we are powerless. We did not cause it, cannot control it, and cannot cure it. There is a questionnaire that your husband can take to determine if he is an alcoholic, but if his drinking is upsetting to you then the alanon recovery program can help you,
Alanon has face to face meetings are helped in most communities and it is important to attend to break the isolation caused by the disease. Meetings, program literature, steps sponsors all help to guide us to a new way of thinking and new way of life
It is a process and there is hope
I was more than irritated when I lived with my XAH. I felt scared most of the time but minimized my feelings. My fear kept me doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I kept trying to change him, get him to stop using, stop dragging people into our lives that were scary, quit hurting me, staying home from work, spending our money on partying, drugs and alcohol. I lost focus on myself and what I was doing to contribute to a life that wasn't for me but that I lived in anyway. I agree with Betty's prescription for changing what you can and doing what you can to continue to break the isolation you have been living in and getting the help you can get for you. Keep coming back. You're not alone.
Hey MP. So glad you have found this place. This is one supportive bunch of folks, and I am so thankful for them. I noticed that you cleaned up your husband's mess. I used to do the same thing, but through al-anon, I learned that by doing this, I was enabling him to continue this destructive behavior. I no longer clean up behind my ah. He has to clean up his own messes. I just leave it till his is sober, and then I show him his mess. He has had to clean up puke several times.
An alcoholic is going to do whatever they can to protect their alcohol. I think your kids are trying to tell their dad (in the only way they know how-through cards) that he's drinking too much. How old are they? Have you thought about getting them involved in al-ateen (I may have spelled that wrong).
Find al-anon f2f meetings. I remember before I found al-anon, I could not even think clearly. My brain was so absorb on my ah and when his next binge was going to be, that I could not think clearly. God led me to al-anon, and I have slowly begun my recovery.
Remember you do not cause your husband to drink, you cannot control his drinking and you cannot cure it.
Take care of you, MP.
((hugs))
-- Edited by cloudyskies on Sunday 3rd of August 2014 09:42:53 AM
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
