The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am just now coming out of years of living in denial about my daughter's alcoholism. I am attending AlAnon meetings and will ask for a Sponsor. In the meantime, here I am and asking.....although I can feel the truth of being Powerless... I'm also still holding onto ideas of how I need to control my thoughts and actions in relationship with my daughter. This doesn't seem like "surrender" to me....
Since you are working on yourself Jville it is surrendering her. We have to I learned do the work. It wasn't an option and at first I just used the Serenity Prayer for everything. I God boxed just about every nervous twitch I got until my sponsor gave me this clue. "How do you know if you can or cannot change a thing if you don't try first"? I wanted to leave town right then cause he was leading me to the "wisdom" part of the prayer. Wisdom; awareness resulting from experience -and- thought. My surrender type changed after that...I just didn't drop an issue into my God Box and say Handle it, Handle it. I had to go to work on my "stuff" and started practicing an acceptance after an attempt. I lost my greatest excuse to just throw my problem in thru God's door and walk away. Yes this program does work when you work it and HP does do HP's part. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
I work to surrender what isn't mine to control. Al-Anon has helped me in that area of life outside the alcohol question - when i'm faced with something I stop and determine if there is anything I can do; then if I should do it or is it something someone else can or should do for themselves. I'm a great believer in God helping those that help themselves so I have to determine if something is mine to fix or not - there is a certain peace in letting go of something because it ISN'T mine to hang onto.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
This is conversation is helping me....As I struggle with the idea of controlling MY thoughts and actions around my daughter...I feel the resistance ....with reactions such as "I don't want to walk on eggshells"....which is just a rationalization that keeps me embroiled in old patterns. Change is hard....or maybe as I Let Go and Let God.....I'll stop "trying" so hard! Thank you.
As I read your share, THINK came to me. Is what I'm about to say thoughtful, honest, important, necessary, kind? The next thing that comes to me is checking my motives for why I'm feeling the need to speak - is it to control an outcome or is it a need I have to express myself? The third thing that comes to me is that we are a progress not perfection program and the fact that you are considering what the word surrender might really mean for you now is progress.
For me, with my son, I had to surrender the belief that I could or should control or fix him. This meant I had to stop giving advice or opinions on his drinking or other choices. I had to stop being at his beck and call, running about after him, this stopped him feeling his own natural consequences that everyone needs. Our relationship seems to be much, much better, healthier and more normal.x
