The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't posted in a few days. I am alone tonight so I thought it was time. My AH just left for the night "to get drunk". I am trying to stay out of it but it still burns me up that he has to leave the house to do this.
Thought I would give a little background info on myself. I haven't looked at myself in such a long time I'm not even sure who I really am anymore. I have been with my AH since I was 16 years old. We got married when I was 18. He drank before we were married but I didn't know what an Alcoholic was my Dad and Mom were social drinkers. He use to beat me too. The first time was when I was 16, I didn't know any better and thought it was my fault. He doesn't do that anymore Thank God! He claims he knows better now.
We had 4 children right away in our marriage. He drank so much back then I was terrified for the children. I made him move out. I detached from him and went to Al-anon. It was a lifesaver. I could finally sleep. I remember praying to God to help me survive the insanity. Then one night after three months without me contacting him for anything including money he came to me and begged to go to an alcoholic unit to be admitted. That was 30 years ago. He was sober that long. He had to learn how to face life sober. It took him a long time. The kids had to learn to accept him sober too. It was a lot of hard work. We did it together. Life went on and we lived.
Now we're back to square one. It is as though he is 28 years old again. His behavior matches that age: drinking to get drunk, road drinking, staying out all night, lying, having an affair, saying he doesn't care what anyone thinks. I am at a loss. I know I can't control it, can't cure it, and didn't cause it. But ... What is my role? I sit here tonight alone. I have no friends so I talk to you all.
Yes you have us ((((Ellen)))) if it wasn't for your name I'd say my daughter-in-law was expressing. This sounds like "our" story now with my eldest son and then I know because of the disease we are not so special...millions are going thru this at this moment and the stories are eerily the same. I've got a new sponsee in the program and his story is very much like ours. So now what? He and I met for a snack and some "first work". He and I are fellows of both programs and he is just starting his Al-Anon journey. Now its bring up the recovery lessons I have been blessed with over the time I've been in program and give them all away to him to listen to, learn and practice, practice, practice....or not. We started with the first part of the first step both he and I know..."Admitted we were powerless..." Next we spoke about killing the denial...that he and I both knew and knew that we knew what this disease is and what it does from our own experiences and then we got to the new "Al-Anon" portion of his journey...the "rocket science" stuff now. It isn't only about not drinking...its about everything else. "How do I love without trying to fix"? Ahhhhh ...the journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step and that step starts "We admitted we were powerless..." Yes we spoke of Higher Power before he left; pretty sure he's got one. Keep coming back cause this works when you work it....true. Stay close you have family here.
Thank you Jerry I really liked your response about being a sponsor. My plan is to ask someone this week to be my sponsor. I really need to make that connection. I thought about calling someone to talk but I feel like I'm intruding. Hopefully I will learn to get past all this reluctance.
That "fear" aspect is real for us. Fear keeps us out at arms length from the help and we build justifications for it that have no basis in reality our mind just tells us stuff it wants us to believe so we can procrastinate the solution. That is how I learned the acronym for FEAR...False Evidence Appearing Real. I am not as afraid of asking for help as I once was and I have never been refused support in either Al-Anon or AA. Commitment time...you're worth it. In support. ((((hugs))))
If you have a list of names from your group, they are given out with telephone numbers so folks will call us. Since we don't know what situation the person we call might be in we just say our name if the person called isn't home and ask for a return call. We usually leave the Al-Anon part out when we first call until we are talking directly with a member. When we have an Al-Anon member on the line, we can say something like "Hi, this is your name from whatever meeting you go to. Would you have time for a program call?" If the member doesn't they will say so and suggest another time or ask for your number. If you still want to talk to a member and not wait, you can call the next person you'd like to talk with and do the same as the first call. In Al-Anon, it is suggested that we keep calling until we reach somebody who has the time to listen. I hope you do. MIP is a big help and talking directly with a fellowship member is a big, big help.
Hullibee Thank you for checking in and sharing your feelings and your life. I understand the difficult journey that you have traveled and see the courage , and wisdom that you gained through it all. You know the power of the program, so please do keep coming back and continue with face to face meetings as well There is hope
