The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband was my first serious relationship I was 19 when we got married and he was 29, from the onset it was a volatile relationship, he was a chain smoker and an every night drinker, he was an engineer and very clever he never missed a days work even when he broke his foot I drove him in, he would totally over react to anything that didn't go how he wanted it and would often damage the house ripping doors off and smashing the video machine up because he thought it was broke when it had automatically rewinded it's self, I went to my mum after the first week and asked if I could come home she said no you made your bed now you lie in it, I also went to my husbands parents after he had tried to strangle me over something I didn't think was that important, and they wouldn't hear a word against him, so I thought I best make the most of this, so thats what I have been trying to do all those years, trying so hard to do something to make him happy, well you know what happened I lost myself in the madness, when I get pangs of home sickness I think what is there to go back for? funny how I had threatened for years I would leave him and he would be a lonely miserable old man, I never could though there was always something to keep me there, I think I had subconsciously been letting go a while now, and there was no dramatic I am leaving you coversations, we had had a conversation the morning I left and I had told him I was ill my hair was falling out and I felt sooooooooo tired I said Is there any chance you could move out a while, so I could have some peace and a rest since the holiday we had just come back from had been a disaster in his eyes, he said no, I am alright, you go, so when he had gone to work I packed a few of my bits and left and I have been gone since, some days I miss the good bits and other days I think oh my how could I think what I endured was normal, my husband has been talking to an old friend of both of ours and she made a point of coming to see me yesterday and asked me outright if I was a couple with my friend, twice she asked me, I said hell no, she said well you do everything together I said yes because my husband would never do anything with me and for the best part of 34 years I never went anywhere I just sat waiting hoping, she said well thats what he thinks, I am hurt but I remind myself if this is what it comes down too, that the cause of all the above is because I am a lesbian jeez what sickness, I should of told her to mind her own buisiness, so today I don't really want any contact with him if ever, he is still hurting me when I am not with him, or is that me doing it to myself ? My daughter should be coming home today but I haven't heard anything yet, it will be the first time I have not been home when she has been visiting, I will be glad to see the back of this day I am so chewed up.
He knows your not a lesbian but its an easy explanation for himself and others, with a little sting attached just for you. Hes still operating from his dis-ease. Lying and being malicious. The truth though is too much for his delicate sensibility, the truth would require some self evaluation, honesty, courage he doesnt have it, this could be your higher powers way of reminding you why you left and just look at what your missing. Katy, I suggest you turn your thinking around to joy, relief, happiness. You have made a ove here towards serenity, you have stood your ground, your not accepting his crappy behaviour anymore. Do something fun, think of the things you imagined doing when you thought of leaving for all those years. Go for a massage, a swim, a ride on your bike. Let him be happy in his misery, dont join him.x
My story is similar to yours, Katy, minus the living with a friend experience. I did know a gal who told me I needed to date so people wouldn't think I was gay. Who cares?????!!!! is my thinking at this stage of life. Why do some of us get so caught up in what another person's sexuality is anyway? It's as if we humans have to find someone to bash to make ourselves feel bigger and better than we truly are? To me, this is the good news for you - you made the break and you are sticking to it. You are learning to live and let others live without judgment or criticism. I've read some of your threads wherein you describe what you do and who you are with people. You've also reached out to me in ways that touched my soul and helped me be happy to be alive. As far as I'm concerned, this world is richer because you are in it and I don't give a hoot who you love or who loves you.
When I'm hoping for a particular experience in my day like spending time with a family member, I've discovered that turning my day and all its happenings into my HP's hands with the belief that this day has been prepared for me in unconditional love, it helps me be at peace with what is, what happens and what doesn't happen. I believe my HP wants nothing but the best for me so if somebody doesn't appear in my day, it must not be my HP's idea of what is best for me and for my day.
Katy, honestly my thought is s***w him....just keepin' it real. You are free, of course you will have a mish mash of feelings, that is so normal. They don't have to have any power over you. Throughout the course, you will know which friends will support you. You are loved here.
